Hello girls... thanks for all the nice notes on here.. I always feel better reading all your posts when I'm feeling down.
jjones.. sorrry about your day! Kids can be cruel... I hope this doesn't cause anymore turmoil for you at work. Like you said you are pregnant but it would have been nice to spread th news yourself rather than through rumors... arg!!
jana.. hope things are going well with you and your follicles are growing big big big. Are you doing clomid?
My ultrasound on Friday went well.. I had 8 follicles.. 4 on each side (day 2 of my cycle). I didn' think like that sounded like a lot but my doc said not too worry. I start clomid on Monday.. taking 2 pills a day.. jjones how many pills did you take a day when you were on clomid and how many mature follicles did you you have going into ovulation week?
Well all... hope everyone continues to have good luck! I know this will happen to all of us because we want it so bad.. it just might take some of us longer than others and i'm adjusting to the fact that this is ok... lol! Good things are worth waiting for. Patience is something I am learning... :)
I am starting out on this journey and need some good support and advice....my husband is leaving me and our 4 year old son...I just turned 40 and decided about 5 years ago if I didn't have another child by 40 I would start this process. I will be doing it by myself. Nervous, anxious, having doubts etc. But it is something I truly want. I have a GREAT income and can support 2 children alone easily. Just looking for some advice I guess. First infertility appointment (for the 3rd round) in a couple weeks to see what the options are. Even though I have a good income, IVF is not covered by insurance in MN and I can't afford the hefty price for it. Considering IUI. Also want the donor to look as much like my husband (soon to be separated) as possible so my son and his half sibling will look alike....need a latino/Mexican/Hispanic donor. Looked through the catalog, but of course the one that really caught my eye has retired from the program :( Back to square one.
Jpransk: I am not on clomid. My RE says he will try 1-3 times without meds. I have my second ultrasound tomorrow. I will def update tomorrow. And you are right it WILL happen for us! My RE says 7-9 follicles is what he looks for so 8 must be good, right?!
Kbecerra7: The donor I chose is Mex, Spanish, German and Native American. He is open which was important to me. Anyway I have his long profile, baby picture and audio interview. If you want I can send to you if you give me an email address...
Does anyone know about H1N1 vaccine? Is it mandatory for pregnant women?
kbecerra7- I am sorry to hear about the seperation but I am excited for you being so strong and going after what you want!! I too am single and though my income is good, I too wasn't quite ready to be able to swing for the IVF - as my insurance doesn't cover it at all either. I was skeptical about the success rates linked with IUI but I used fertility meds and was able to get pregnant on the 2nd try. So I say go for it and I wish you the very best!!
JanaBNY- no, the H1N1 vaccine is not mandatory - just recommended by many. But there are also a lot of people who are against it since it has so many crazy ingredients and such. I started to research it to make an informed decision, but quickly found out that that and the flu shot contain chicken and therefore I am allergic- so my decision was made for me. Good luck as you make your choice - I hope you will research it though and partner with your doc to make the right choice for you.
Since my introduction, I did 4 IUI attempts. The first three were natural, the fourth involved injectibles. I am now in my fifth week of pregnancy, and yakking up food right and left... and I couldn't be happier.
EndoMama: thanks for the kind words. I want this very badly but my age worries me. I do know from past experience that I respond very favorably to clomid. I hope that helps me out. Can't hurt, right? Then with clomid there is also a 30% chance for twins. I would then be the single mother of 3. OY. Sounds exhausting, but I know I would be happier than a pig in mud. :) All prayers and wishes accepted.
Just catching up as I've been off line a bit. Glad to know of the BFPs that are out there. Very exciting!
JP, I've been thinking of you and now saw your results. Like you, I got my period yesterday so I guess I'm a BFN.
At this point, I am going to wait till next August to try again. I guess that gives me time to look at what may have gone wrong and in the meantime, have some coffee or wine too. I'd cut out all of that back in June. Gotta find a positive here...
emgetc: Sorry to hear about the BFN. Why are you going to wait so long to try again?
kbecerra: Go for it! I just got pregnant on clomid. I was sort of hoping for twins, but it looks like just one. I suppose that's better in the long run b/c I am also single.
brunella: Are you really eating a lot? I'm in my 6th week, and I'm finding that most times I don't even feel like eating. I'm forcing myself to in order to get nutrition for the baby.
jpransk: I only took one clomid pill per day. I really can't remember how many follicles I had. The last I saw them (which was several days before my insemination) I only had a few that looked pretty big. I was hoping they could do one last ultrasound before the procedure, but they said it would not be accurate (or something like that.) It sounds like you have a good amount.
Today I SAW my baby's heartbeat!!! I'm so excited!
emgetc, be positive and don't blame yourself or look for what went wrong. Nothing went wrong.. it just wasnt' your time (i know so much easier said than done). But it is the truth!
jana, how you doing? You ovulating yet?
jjones, the heartbeat? omg that brings tears to my eyes. I'm gonna so be a big cry baby when this happens for me. Did things settle down at school for you?
I started clomid yesterday... taking 2 pills (50mg). I go in for a 2nd ultrasound Monday then hopefully ovulate soon after.
Keep your chins up everyone who is trying for the BFP! And for everyone that has recently found out they have a BFP cherish every moment of it :)
Warning: Major venting ahead. I feel sad and very angry. I feel as though I'm being set up. I'm 44 and had never tried to get pregnant, so I never knew if I had any fertility issues. I only went to RE so that I could find out about sperm banks and try to maximize my chances. I had my HSG which was normal. I also had the day 2 FSH which was 7.3 with an estradiol level of 49 which I was also told was normal.
So now that I have been reading different sources, I find that none of those normal results mean anything. Next, I will be placed on Clomid. I believe I saw that Clomid can possibly cause ovarian failure (menopause) and maybe even cancer in the future. This Clomid will try to elicit a high FSH level, so that they can tell me that there is no hope, and that I can try the lovely consolation prize of a DONOR EGG! To some it doesn't matter if it's a donor egg, but to me it does. I even told that to the psychologist who had to evaluate me.
I guess I'm really angry at myself for waiting so late in life, and for not finding a partner so that I could have tried this the normal way without some numbers in a lab telling me I can't. So now if my numbers are not good and because of my age, no facility will want to work with me. And I still don't have a partner to continue trying with if the facility turns me away.
My screen name is really a joke, since I am losing hope really fast. Sorry to be so depressing everybody. I'm just feeling emotionally fragile right now and wanted to vent a little (ok a lot). Thanks.
I am now 10 weeks pregnant with no morning sickness. I have been so lucky with this whole thing so far. But at both ultrasounds the doctor has stated the baby is big. Example: should be 22cm and is 28cm. I have only gained 4 pounds. Is this normal? Is this something I should be worring about, since the doctor brings it up every visit? I am not a big person to begin with and this is making me a little nervous. Any advice will be helpful. Thank you.
Always Hopeful: You have been set up, not by your RE but by a society that told you it was reasonable to wait until the age of 44 to try to get pregnant. The sad truth is, although ttc at 44 is not entirely hopeless (many womwn have had children at this age) the odds are against you. Your RE will push you to use donor eggs and may try to make you feel guilty about the risks of using your own eggs, but the truth is, your biggest risk from using your own eggs is simply not getting pregnant or miscarrying as opposed to having a child with brith defects, so I would not be scared off by that. Your biggest practicle challenge will be finding someone willing to work with you to make the most of the chance you have rather than pushing you to do something you don't want but have a much better chance of succeeding at, ie donor egg or simply turning you away.
Probably the best person on Earth for you to talk to would be Louise Sloan. She did this on her own at about your age and also wrote a book on the subject for which she interviewed hundres of women about what eorked and didn't work for them. This is her email: knockyourselfup@gmail.com. She might have some ideas of where to go (or not to go) for help, questions to ask, etc.
A while back, I was reading the story from Spain of the famous 66 year old mother of twins who died at 69. She had lied and said she was 55 so she could get IVF. In this day and age when a man can have a baby, that woman would probably be shocked that a 45 year old woman can hardly get help.
Ha ha, thanks Arkmom. I'm feeling better today. I'm trying not to entertain negative energy. Thanks for the e-mail address. What a coincidence. I was just reading reviews on "Knock Yourself Up" today. I was considering ordering it from Amazon.
I too am in the same boat as you. 39 year old African American single woman who put career first and now wants a baby! What the hell?? LOL! I recently got preggos "naturally" and had a miscarriage (still waiting on hormone levels to go back to zero..I'm at EIGHT!!!). It was my first pregnancy. Me and "original donor" parted and have gone are separate ways and I don't see any prince charming in the very near future. So, here I am, posting on the sperm bank website. I am excited to try this route but waiting for the OK to do so. Looking for a new OB/gyn because mine has NO KNOWLEDGE of this type of thing. He couldn't even give me any referrals. I was VERY disappointed. Did not seem like he wanted to help. I guess he is just into delivering babies and not making babies. Frustrating to say the least. So off to try to find someone new. And at this point, I am not real comfortable sharing this new adventure with just anyone so my insight is pretty limited. I don't get on this website too often because I'm not quite ready to start making purchases and heck, I need a new OB/gyn that will assist me in the process. I am in the process of trying to find one while going back to my old one for follow-ups (hormone level check). Read to get the ball rolling. Impatient as I might seem, still at times grieving about my lost. If you are interested, we share some similarities so instead of "blogging", please feel free to contact me directly at caligirl921@hotmail.com. I get lost in all the other posts. In fact, if anyone is in a similar situation, please feel free to email me as well. I could use all the support I can and we can compare notes!! Good luck to all the ladies who are farther ahead of the game that I am. Peace, Love and Joy!!!
Jpransk! I am on day 11 of my cycle, I started my OPK yesterday so far nothing. I have my 3rd ultrasound tomorrow. My RE seems to think that I will get my surge sunday or monday. I will be thinking union thoughts! How are you feeling? I hope you are all well!
Hi Jana. How many follicles did you have yesterday at your ultrasound? I go Monday (day 12) and i will also start my opk pack Monday. So i'm just a few days behind you but sounds like you my ovulate a week before me. My doc thinks I'll ovulate next friday/Saturday so we'll see. I hope you surge tomorrow. Sounds like we might be in the 2ww together. Good luck!
Jana looks like we will be in the 2ww together then. Your 2dpiui? I'll be just a few days behind you then. I go in tomorrow at 10:30am for my 2nd iui. I had 2 follicles at 22 on Monday. My doc said if I didn't surge this morning to come in for a hsg shot which I ended up having to do. I had a positive surge at 5:30pm tonight. Can't wait! JJones how are you feeling these days. Your about 12 weeks right? Anything new going on with you? How many follicles did you have going into your first iui? And what were the sizes? Jana what about you? Prayers to you all! (and say a little prayer for me please) :) Goodnight!
Hi everybody! I'm now in my 2nd trimester (time really flew by!) I made it through the first with no morning sickness whatsoever, so you guessed it-my waist has completely disappeared. Sleeping is rough-I toss and turn trying to get comfortable and not sleep on my stomach, so it's back/side, over and over, in between bad dreams (I keep having this same one where my teeth fall out! what the heck?!) I got to see the heartbeat at my first ultrasound, then got to hear the heartbeat on doppler at my pelvic/pap last week. The nurse said my uterus is "getting big". Is that why I can barely see my feet? :D Next is my amnio in a few weeks. I'm scared LOL. I'll keep checking in...baby dust and good luck wishes to everybody!! :)
Jpransk good luck today I will be thinking of you! I think my dominant follicle was at 19 on the friday and I had my IUI Monday. You sound like you are doing great down there! I am 4dpiui. It's a long two weeks but I am staying busy and positive!
DC808! You made me laugh. So funny, your teeth?? How exciting to hear the the baby's heartbeat. That's so great.
Hi jana, 2dpiui.. 3 days behind you. How are you feeling? I had cramping too the day/nite of and yesterday... Feeling ok today! Well baby dust to all. And good idea about keeping yourself busy and positive... I'm trying to do that too!
HI JPransk I feel pretty good. I have puzzles! They help past the time and so you forget that you are waiting! I also found CCB friends on facebook which is helpful. Are you on facebook? I am glad to hear you are feeling good. Hoping we both get BFPs!
Hi Jana.. puzzles.. yea guess that would help pass the time. Good for you! I am on facebook. None of my friends (besides my immediate family) know what I'm doing. I figured I wouldn't say anything until I get pregnant and don't think its everyones business how I got pregnant. I'll have to check out facebook though and just see what else is outthere.
Thanks! Facebook: jpransk@msn.com, add me :) Good luck. 1 week down tomorrow.. your at the half way point!
Here's my little sad story (probably not so sad): Have always been heterosexual up until a year and a half ago. Started going out with another woman, with whom I absolutely and most blindly fell in love with. Six months into the relationship we talk about having a baby (each of us). Due to medical problems I had to wait. So through a known donor she got pregnant and there we were immersed in the beautiful world of pregnancy. Seven months into the pregnancy, after having moved in together, she tells me not that she wants a separation, but that she is going back with her ex-girlfriend. It has taken me (and is taking me) time to recover from this. A week ago she had her baby.
I'm thinking of trying for the first time in January. I hope all goes well. so, Cali-Gurl921, I'm also 39. Waited, like you, because all my boyfriends said they wanted to wait. Then, the story I told you. So, now, here I am. Wishing and hoping.
I simply hope I can deal with the "single-motherhood" issue. I had never thought of doing it on my own. And even though I'm convinced, I'm very scared as well.
Best wishes to all (those of you that are pregnant, and those of you that are trying/waiting...)
Hi. I did two iui's not successful :( I am taking Nov and Dec off, going to try #3 in January. Hope it works... I am single and doing this on my own. I was engaged but he decided at the last minute he was not ready. I am in my late 30's and decided to take charge of having a baby on my own.. My parents are very supportive and super excited..
My parents are very supportive of this too (I'm their only daughter, I have 3 other male sibblings). Plus, all my intimate friends are supporting me 100%.
Going to have my first medicated IUI next month... starting out on 50mg of Clomid and see how we do...
You have to take control of your life... I almost waited too late because I was worried about what other people would think. Who cares?! My children won't CARE that they were conceived in a way that most folks don't consider "normal"... they will only care to be LOVED... and that I can do.
Comments
jjones.. sorrry about your day! Kids can be cruel... I hope this doesn't cause anymore turmoil for you at work. Like you said you are pregnant but it would have been nice to spread th news yourself rather than through rumors... arg!!
jana.. hope things are going well with you and your follicles are growing big big big. Are you doing clomid?
My ultrasound on Friday went well.. I had 8 follicles.. 4 on each side (day 2 of my cycle). I didn' think like that sounded like a lot but my doc said not too worry. I start clomid on Monday.. taking 2 pills a day.. jjones how many pills did you take a day when you were on clomid and how many mature follicles did you you have going into ovulation week?
Well all... hope everyone continues to have good luck! I know this will happen to all of us because we want it so bad.. it just might take some of us longer than others and i'm adjusting to the fact that this is ok... lol! Good things are worth waiting for. Patience is something I am learning... :)
Kbecerra7: The donor I chose is Mex, Spanish, German and Native American. He is open which was important to me. Anyway I have his long profile, baby picture and audio interview. If you want I can send to you if you give me an email address...
Does anyone know about H1N1 vaccine? Is it mandatory for pregnant women?
Otherwise, its just me and a boatload of cash.
JanaBNY- no, the H1N1 vaccine is not mandatory - just recommended by many. But there are also a lot of people who are against it since it has so many crazy ingredients and such. I started to research it to make an informed decision, but quickly found out that that and the flu shot contain chicken and therefore I am allergic- so my decision was made for me. Good luck as you make your choice - I hope you will research it though and partner with your doc to make the right choice for you.
Just wanted to follow-up.
Since my introduction, I did 4 IUI attempts. The first three were natural, the fourth involved injectibles. I am now in my fifth week of pregnancy, and yakking up food right and left... and I couldn't be happier.
So. Worth. While!
Cheers!
EndoMama: thanks for the kind words. I want this very badly but my age worries me. I do know from past experience that I respond very favorably to clomid. I hope that helps me out. Can't hurt, right? Then with clomid there is also a 30% chance for twins. I would then be the single mother of 3. OY. Sounds exhausting, but I know I would be happier than a pig in mud. :)
All prayers and wishes accepted.
Just catching up as I've been off line a bit. Glad to know of the BFPs that are out there. Very exciting!
JP, I've been thinking of you and now saw your results. Like you, I got my period yesterday so I guess I'm a BFN.
At this point, I am going to wait till next August to try again. I guess that gives me time to look at what may have gone wrong and in the meantime, have some coffee or wine too. I'd cut out all of that back in June. Gotta find a positive here...
kbecerra: Go for it! I just got pregnant on clomid. I was sort of hoping for twins, but it looks like just one. I suppose that's better in the long run b/c I am also single.
brunella: Are you really eating a lot? I'm in my 6th week, and I'm finding that most times I don't even feel like eating. I'm forcing myself to in order to get nutrition for the baby.
jpransk: I only took one clomid pill per day. I really can't remember how many follicles I had. The last I saw them (which was several days before my insemination) I only had a few that looked pretty big. I was hoping they could do one last ultrasound before the procedure, but they said it would not be accurate (or something like that.) It sounds like you have a good amount.
Today I SAW my baby's heartbeat!!! I'm so excited!
Good luck to all. Keep thinking positively.
jana, how you doing? You ovulating yet?
jjones, the heartbeat? omg that brings tears to my eyes. I'm gonna so be a big cry baby when this happens for me. Did things settle down at school for you?
I started clomid yesterday... taking 2 pills (50mg). I go in for a 2nd ultrasound Monday then hopefully ovulate soon after.
Keep your chins up everyone who is trying for the BFP! And for everyone that has recently found out they have a BFP cherish every moment of it :)
Good luck to all of US !!
So now that I have been reading different sources, I find that none of those normal results mean anything. Next, I will be placed on Clomid. I believe I saw that Clomid can possibly cause ovarian failure (menopause) and maybe even cancer in the future. This Clomid will try to elicit a high FSH level, so that they can tell me that there is no hope, and that I can try the lovely consolation prize of a DONOR EGG! To some it doesn't matter if it's a donor egg, but to me it does. I even told that to the psychologist who had to evaluate me.
I guess I'm really angry at myself for waiting so late in life, and for not finding a partner so that I could have tried this the normal way without some numbers in a lab telling me I can't. So now if my numbers are not good and because of my age, no facility will want to work with me. And I still don't have a partner to continue trying with if the facility turns me away.
My screen name is really a joke, since I am losing hope really fast. Sorry to be so depressing everybody. I'm just feeling emotionally fragile right now and wanted to vent a little (ok a lot). Thanks.
I am now 10 weeks pregnant with no morning sickness. I have been so lucky with this whole thing so far. But at both ultrasounds the doctor has stated the baby is big. Example: should be 22cm and is 28cm. I have only gained 4 pounds. Is this normal? Is this something I should be worring about, since the doctor brings it up every visit? I am not a big person to begin with and this is making me a little nervous. Any advice will be helpful. Thank you.
You have been set up, not by your RE but by a society that told you it was reasonable to wait until the age of 44 to try to get pregnant. The sad truth is, although ttc at 44 is not entirely hopeless (many womwn have had children at this age) the odds are against you. Your RE will push you to use donor eggs and may try to make you feel guilty about the risks of using your own eggs, but the truth is, your biggest risk from using your own eggs is simply not getting pregnant or miscarrying as opposed to having a child with brith defects, so I would not be scared off by that. Your biggest practicle challenge will be finding someone willing to work with you to make the most of the chance you have rather than pushing you to do something you don't want but have a much better chance of succeeding at, ie donor egg or simply turning you away.
Probably the best person on Earth for you to talk to would be Louise Sloan. She did this on her own at about your age and also wrote a book on the subject for which she interviewed hundres of women about what eorked and didn't work for them. This is her email: knockyourselfup@gmail.com. She might have some ideas of where to go (or not to go) for help, questions to ask, etc.
Ha ha, thanks Arkmom. I'm feeling better today. I'm trying not to entertain negative energy. Thanks for the e-mail address. What a coincidence. I was just reading reviews on "Knock Yourself Up" today. I was considering ordering it from Amazon.
Good luck in your journey.
I too am in the same boat as you. 39 year old African American single woman who put career first and now wants a baby! What the hell?? LOL! I recently got preggos "naturally" and had a miscarriage (still waiting on hormone levels to go back to zero..I'm at EIGHT!!!). It was my first pregnancy. Me and "original donor" parted and have gone are separate ways and I don't see any prince charming in the very near future. So, here I am, posting on the sperm bank website. I am excited to try this route but waiting for the OK to do so. Looking for a new OB/gyn because mine has NO KNOWLEDGE of this type of thing. He couldn't even give me any referrals. I was VERY disappointed. Did not seem like he wanted to help. I guess he is just into delivering babies and not making babies. Frustrating to say the least. So off to try to find someone new. And at this point, I am not real comfortable sharing this new adventure with just anyone so my insight is pretty limited. I don't get on this website too often because I'm not quite ready to start making purchases and heck, I need a new OB/gyn that will assist me in the process. I am in the process of trying to find one while going back to my old one for follow-ups (hormone level check). Read to get the ball rolling. Impatient as I might seem, still at times grieving about my lost. If you are interested, we share some similarities so instead of "blogging", please feel free to contact me directly at caligirl921@hotmail.com. I get lost in all the other posts. In fact, if anyone is in a similar situation, please feel free to email me as well. I could use all the support I can and we can compare notes!! Good luck to all the ladies who are farther ahead of the game that I am. Peace, Love and Joy!!!
I hope you are all well!
How many follicles did you have yesterday at your ultrasound? I go Monday (day 12) and i will also start my opk pack Monday.
So i'm just a few days behind you but sounds like you my ovulate a week before me. My doc thinks I'll ovulate next friday/Saturday so we'll see.
I hope you surge tomorrow. Sounds like we might be in the 2ww together.
Good luck!
I go in tomorrow at 10:30am for my 2nd iui.
I had 2 follicles at 22 on Monday. My doc said if I didn't surge this morning to come in for a hsg shot which I ended up having to do. I had a positive surge at 5:30pm tonight.
Can't wait!
JJones how are you feeling these days. Your about 12 weeks right? Anything new going on with you? How many follicles did you have going into your first iui? And what were the sizes? Jana what about you?
Prayers to you all! (and say a little prayer for me please) :)
Goodnight!
I'm now in my 2nd trimester (time really flew by!) I made it through the first with no morning sickness whatsoever, so you guessed it-my waist has completely disappeared. Sleeping is rough-I toss and turn trying to get comfortable and not sleep on my stomach, so it's back/side, over and over, in between bad dreams (I keep having this same one where my teeth fall out! what the heck?!)
I got to see the heartbeat at my first ultrasound, then got to hear the heartbeat on doppler at my pelvic/pap last week. The nurse said my uterus is "getting big". Is that why I can barely see my feet? :D
Next is my amnio in a few weeks. I'm scared LOL.
I'll keep checking in...baby dust and good luck wishes to everybody!! :)
DC808! You made me laugh. So funny, your teeth?? How exciting to hear the the baby's heartbeat. That's so great.
Good luck to all!
2dpiui.. 3 days behind you. How are you feeling? I had cramping too the day/nite of and yesterday... Feeling ok today!
Well baby dust to all.
And good idea about keeping yourself busy and positive... I'm trying to do that too!
I am on facebook. None of my friends (besides my immediate family) know what I'm doing. I figured I wouldn't say anything until I get pregnant and don't think its everyones business how I got pregnant.
I'll have to check out facebook though and just see what else is outthere.
Thanks!
Facebook: jpransk@msn.com, add me :)
Good luck.
1 week down tomorrow.. your at the half way point!
Here's my little sad story (probably not so sad): Have always been heterosexual up until a year and a half ago. Started going out with another woman, with whom I absolutely and most blindly fell in love with. Six months into the relationship we talk about having a baby (each of us). Due to medical problems I had to wait. So through a known donor she got pregnant and there we were immersed in the beautiful world of pregnancy. Seven months into the pregnancy, after having moved in together, she tells me not that she wants a separation, but that she is going back with her ex-girlfriend. It has taken me (and is taking me) time to recover from this. A week ago she had her baby.
I'm thinking of trying for the first time in January. I hope all goes well. so, Cali-Gurl921, I'm also 39. Waited, like you, because all my boyfriends said they wanted to wait. Then, the story I told you. So, now, here I am. Wishing and hoping.
I simply hope I can deal with the "single-motherhood" issue. I had never thought of doing it on my own. And even though I'm convinced, I'm very scared as well.
Best wishes to all (those of you that are pregnant, and those of you that are trying/waiting...)
My parents are very supportive of this too (I'm their only daughter, I have 3 other male sibblings). Plus, all my intimate friends are supporting me 100%.
Hope you are lucky in 2010 (January).
Going to have my first medicated IUI next month... starting out on 50mg of Clomid and see how we do...
You have to take control of your life... I almost waited too late because I was worried about what other people would think. Who cares?! My children won't CARE that they were conceived in a way that most folks don't consider "normal"... they will only care to be LOVED... and that I can do.