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Making the right choice before getting started
mommy87
Posts: 103
I always get really scared talking about this because of my age. Okay. Here I go. I have thought about being a mom ever since I turned 17 years old. It's the first thing I think about when I wake up and the last thing I think about before bed. Holding my baby in my arms. well I was 17 five years ago. I have gone to other place, online groups asking for help so I know I'm making the right choice, but all I get out of that is really mean comments since I'm only 22. People ask me if I ever want to get married.? Well here is the problem. I having a really hard time being around men. I can't let my guard down around them. I always push them away and never let them into my life. I have a very hard time trusting men. I can't plan my life around knowing I'm going to meet the right guy that doesn't scare me, that I feel safe around. But being a mommy was always part of my plan since I was a little girl. The reason I'm on here is I'm hoping a lot of you ladies could help me on my path of deciding whats right for me and my future children. I want to make the right choice for everyone involved. This decision changes my life and/or a child's life forever. So I don't want to make the wrong choice. I want to be as informed of everything that I would be doing. As much information as possible. If anyone could help me without being mean because of my age, I would really appreciate it. Thank you in advance.
Much Love, Nicole
Much Love, Nicole
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Don't feel left out because of your age, I just turned 29 a week ago and I've had the same desire of motherhood since I was very young. I was always fascinated with the idea of having a child grow in my belly, taking care of them, doing all the things my mother didn't do for me. I've often wondered if my child would look or even act like me.....I respect your honesty and vulnerability for allowing us here to share some of your experiences. I'm very new to this myself, just started going to a fertility clinic about two months ago because I wasn't sure where else to go. I had to do a lot of blood test as well as come in on my period so they could do vaginal ultrasounds, all to make sure that I wasn't having any fertility issues such as not ovulating. In the beginning I was told I would have to get an HSG, which basically is when they insert a dye into your fallopian tubes to see if it passes all the way through and that you don't have any blockage. Fortunately after my blood work my doctor said I didn't have to do that and suggested we go ahead with the first IUI when my ovulation get turns positive. I'm very excited and I will actually begin the ovulation test today, as soon as I get the smiley face I will go in the next morning for the insemination. Like you I'm sure, I have done a lot of research as to how many women actually get pregnant with an IUI and how many have gotten pregnant their first time. I have read a lot of success stories as well as a lot of disappointment. It seems as though age doesn't have much of factor as I have read of women 36 and up getting pregnant the very first time. I'm trying to remain positive, stress free, and pray. Hope I didn't ramble on too much, just happy to have someone around my age to talk with. Hope this helps.
I understand how you feel in dealing with people thinking you are too young to start a family, and it is even harder when we decided to do this process as single mothers by choice. I was only 20 years old when I had my son from a previous marriage. I am now 26 years old and am doing my IUI's as a single mother. I don't feel the need to wait for a man to have another child - I've been ready for baby #2 for so long and am tired of waiting for someone to come along just so I can give my son a sibling.
From the beginning, I've always told my mom about my decision to have another baby via IUI and she has always been supportive. I ended up telling my older sister about 2 weeks before I had my first appointment and her reaction wasn't what I expected. I felt a little down after that incident, but my mom said: "Do what you want to do and what feels right in your heart. Don't listen to what others say".
And so I am telling you the same thing: Do what you feel is right. Motherhood is a blessing and I was blessed with my son at a young age and hope to be blessed very soon with another child :)
Take care!
Lots or Love,
Nicole
Shanadore
Thank you for your advice and support... I think it is great that you are going for it now and going to be a single mommy because you deserve it and you know what if your friends that are not being supportive can't be then they are not true friends. An I agree with you about the whole fertility clinic thing you are still young and why go to one prier to trying first. Plus that is a lot of money that is worth saving for you and your child if you don't need it you know...... An as for not knowing how you are going to do it God will provide and you will find strength that you never knew you had when it comes to you having to be there and make a life for your baby. Look at all the women that get married and have a husband and still basically do it on there own with out being on there own which is even worse. I wish you luck and I hope that you have an amazing pregnancy, birth, and life as a wonderful mommy.
Liesel:
Thanks for the words of a wonderful woman of whom could be a mother to some of us. I want to tell you that I think it is wonderful that you are finally giving in and going for your dream because you truly deserve it and should go for it with all of your heart. It is not too late more and more women are having babies in there 40's and besides once you have wanted a child the way in which I feel all of us do it is something that is needed to complete us as a person along with making us whole. I wish you the best of luck and hope all goes well with the appt and that all the news is amazing and you are able to go through it with a perfect and easy pregnancy.
Shanadore
Thank you SO MUCH for your kind words! I have tears of gratitude in my eyes for you. Thank you. The appointment went well. We are going to do a challenge test in a couple weeks to determine how many eggs I have left, since, if I have only a few, the physiological changes may make getting pregnant much harder. However, my fertility doctor is supportive, Hurrah!
Thank you again, so much, and the best of good wishes to you too!
I too am 22 and beginning to look at the process of becoming a single mommy! I also was concerned with what people would think and like you Mom mine gave me the whole "Do what id right in your heart and be happy." Her opinion is the one that matters most to me. I will see the RE the beginning of next month to begin the process, I am very excited yet nervous at the idea of actually doing it. I know that I don't want to be married or even be in a relationship, never have been in one and do not desire too. I don't know why this is but I am completely happy single, I just am missing the baby I have longed for since I was a little girl. As for being so young, a baby has been on the to do list for a very long time, but because of some medical problems I have and the need to get pregnant at a certain time, and now being the right time, I feel like I can go for it. Good luck to you when you begin the process in October!
You situation is the exact same as mine! I have only been out with one guy twice and I couldn't stand it. The other guy I was just with so I could have the baby I always wanted. That wasn't a good idea and I'm glad nothing happened with him. I'm completely over it now. I just never wanted to date or be in a relationship. I to am happy being single. I just always wanted a baby since I was little. I'm glad your hear. Good luck to next month. I hope things go fast and great for you. Hope to talk to you again. If you need anything just let me know. My email is
wannabeamommy87@yahoo.com
don't hesitate to write me
And then down the line are the bigger expenses. Babies are expensive they need diapers all the time, lots of clothes as they grow out of real fast, crib, car seat, stroller, ect plus if they are sick you gotta buy them meds and take them to the pediatrician, ect..How are you gonna pay for all those expenses if you're thinking of doing it all by yourself?
And then if you do have some kind of job is your salary enough? You'll probably be working full time so who's gonna take care of the baby all day while you're gone?? Not to judge here but this is not as simple as just wanting to have a baby, you have to be really financially independant if you're doing this alone and figure out exactly what you're gonna do beforehand.
As far as the money it is no business of anyone's, but my own how I will choose to pay for the insemination or the Dr.'s appointments. As for providing for the baby and who will take care of it while I work is again my own business and please rest assured that I would not do this if I didn't feel that it was right or I wasn't able to, and I hope the same for anyone who is looking to do this on their own.
Oh and I think you are being some what judge mental when you state "then if you do have some kind of job...." I feel like you think that because we are young we are stupid and don't have any idea what it would take to go through the process of getting pregnant or how to support a baby once it is here. Who in there right mind would purposely get pregnant without having a job, none the less a good one? You answer me that please.
Thank you for your concern and for making sure we have thought this whole thing out well enough, rest assured I have and I promise you that. Not that I should even have to answer to some stranger when it comes to my personal life and finances. But, thank you
And I'm not saying that its wrong to be a mom at that age but you are single that means that all the expenses will be placed solely on you, and lets face it, a person who's 22 doesnt necessarily make the amount of salary that a person who's older, someone who's older might a college degree, has a more higher paying job, ect. Its a reality.
I also wonder cause I'm hearing a lot of "Oh its been a dream of mine since I was a litte girl to be a mommy and have a baby in my arms, i dont care not having man, ect."...But I dont hear anything about how you're actually gonna afford it all and manage the whole situation cause I honestly wouldnt want you wasting your money if you cant even afford to finish the process.
As far as how much I make I will say it again, I don't think it is anyone's business but my own to know what I make, but yes I do have a college degree and have a great paying job.
Yes you're right it has been one of my biggest dreams since I was a little girl to have a baby, but never once was it a dream of mine to be married, not even a want. I choose not to discuss how I am going to afford it because again it is my business and only my business about my finances.
Is it wrong of us to want to have a child while being young and can enjoy them for longer and like I said in another post, again I don't feel like I need to be specific in my personal life with you but, I have some medical issues that could and may get in the way of my getting pregnant and my doctors feel that if I want a baby then this may be the time to try for one, it may be now or never so I feel like I can handle it financially, physically and emotionally.
Here are my questions to you....are you single? and if you don't mind me asking how old are you? Have you any children of your own yet? Please stop judging us because we are young. You are beginning to make me feel like I don't deserve to do this because I am young and that makes me very upset. If you remember I did thank you for bringing these questions to mind and if you truly are watching out for us and not being nosy and judgmental I apologize for being so defensive and do thank you for caring.