Looking to connect with other single moms by choice

Chase35174Chase35174 Posts: 29
in Single Mothers by Choice
Hi Everyone,
I'm a 36 yr old single woman and I've decided to do IUI. My cycle should be starting in a week and hopefully by mid October I'll have my first IUI. I don't have a lot of money so I'm hoping to get pregnant within 3 tries. Anyone had luck with 3 or less? Also, I'd love to connect with any single moms to get advice and support. I'm also curious about how people reacted when you told them you were going to be a single mom.

Wishing everyone luck out there!
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Comments

  • KBTKBT Posts: 379
    I am a 39 year old single mom by choice. I received my official BFP today. I had 2 IUI cycles and 2 IVF cycles used a total of 5 vials. My regret now is that I used all vials and the donor is no longer active. So if I'm not pregnant with twins, my child will never have a full sibling.

    My cousin(same age) and younger sister have been very supportive of my using a donor. I had consider having a child with a friend, he was on board but then I decided no because of the emotional stress.

    I would love have to met someone, married and have a child with him but the reality was time and health was not on my side. Although I don't have symptoms nor am I on meds I was diagnosed with lupus so I decided to move forward. My drs were also very supportive and my primary care dr is the one who suggested I use a donor

    As for the rest of the public, I can careless about any glares or whispers. If anyone ask about the baby's father whereabouts my response is politely of what importance is it to you?

    I did select an open donor should the child want to attempt communication as an adult
  • KBTKBT Posts: 379
    Good luck and go for it!
  • mom2b721mom2b721 Posts: 23
    Hi there! I'm 37 and also looking to become a single mom by choice. I have been unlucky with relationships in the past and my lifelong dream has been to be a mom. I know that time will not stand still for me and want to live this time of my life to the fullest. My closest friends and mother have Veblen very supportive of me in this decision and I feel very lucky in this aspect. I have done 2 IUIs without success and am planning on another one in the next month or 2. I pray for a BFP!! I'd love to keep in touch with you both for support and encouragement. We will most definately need it!
  • Chase35174Chase35174 Posts: 29
    Thanks everyone! This is very encouraging! Can someone decode all of these abbreviations - BFP, etc.? So far I know 2dpiui, HPT, and TWW. But I see so many other abbreviations that I can't figure out.

    KBT - A good friend of mine has lupus and she had a healthy pregnancy and in fact her lupus went into remission! She went off most of her medications and had zero lupus symptoms during her entire pregnancy. Now her baby is about 7 months old and she still feels amazing. So hopefully you will have the same luck!!

    My biggest concern is that unless I want to go into debt for multiple IUIs, I only have enough money for 3. And all of the posts I read show people going through 3, 7, 10 iui cycles for years and still no luck. I'm trying to stay positive but the thought of not getting pregnant by my third time is scary.
  • jenn0977jenn0977 Posts: 97
    Chase,

    I just turned 37 and started this process officially in January but have been thinking about it for years. I held out as long as I felt I could for the right man but it just wasn't happening. All of my close friends have been amazingly supportive and wondered why I waited so long! They have been around for all the failed relationships....lol! The majority of my family have been supportive but initially there were a few that didn't understand. Now that I'm pregnant (2nd IUI) everyone is completely on board! I also had financial concerns as there are expenses insurance doesn't pay for and my insurance is limited. I strongly suggest starting acupuncture as I felt it helped me a lot. Again another expense some insurance doesn't cover but well worth it.

    I ended up choosing an anonymous donor because I couldn't find an open donor I was really interested in. I plan on being very open with my child about how he or she came to be and have been journaling the experience since my first Doctor visit. Another great support are the women on this site. We all share our successes and failures. I also feel like we truly understand what each other is going through (like no one else can) and genuinely hope/pray for each others BFP!

    Good luck in your journey and keep us posted!

    Jenn
  • mom2b721mom2b721 Posts: 23
    Chase- BFP is big fat positive (referring to pregnancy test) BFN is big fat negative. BD is baby dust meaning good luck and baby wishes. That's all I know of for now. I look forward to us all supporting each other through this. Where is everybody located? Do you mind sharing?
  • Sf13Sf13 Posts: 84
    Chase- I made up my mind to start this process when I turned 42 earlier this year. I figured I wasn't getting any younger and waiting around for Mr. Right to show up didn't seem to be working out for me. I was one of those women who was very focused on her job early on in life and kept thinking "oh I'll have time later to have kids". Well as I mentioned before, my 42nd birthday rolled around and later had come and gone. I knew if I didn't jump on this chance I would miss it completely. Getting started as a single woman using donor sperm is quite a bit different then a couple dealing with fertility issues. There are quite a few hurdles to jump through. It's been a very educational experience and I wish someone had told me 10 years ago to think about freezing my eggs just in case. Who knew there was such a thing as low ovarian reserve? We're women...shouldn't we always be able to have kids up until menopause? Well I tried one IUI which resulted in a BFN (big fat negative). With a few minor holdups which I dealt with, I felt I didn't have time to wait and so did my first IVF this past Friday. Hoping to hear good news this Wednesday.
    I hope one day that Mr Right will show up and love me and my child, but for now I needed to take matters into my own hands. My mom was of course ecstatic about my decision. My sister is a bit more skeptical. She has 2 kids of her own and a husband to boot. She thinks I don't know what I'm getting myself into. Of course, anytime I'd try to offer advice in the past, she's always the one who would say...you don't know what's it's like until you have kids of your own. She's happy for me, but I think also worried. She's thinking who will be there to help support me? I believe that's when it's important to surround yourself with supportive family and friends who can step in when needed.
    Just like everyone else has mentioned, it's a unique situation that we're in and it's very important that we are at least supportive of one another. We understand and can empathize like no one else because we've been through it ourselves. Wishing you the best of luck and lots of baby dust! We're here if you need us.
  • ComeonbabyComeonbaby Posts: 9
    Hi ladies. I am 39, single and on day 8 post 2nd iui. It's so comforting to read all of the above concerns, stories and responses for your journey. I really thought getting pregnant would be a cinch. When I decided to go down the road it took me a who year to pick a donor and I only bought one vial because I thought I was getting pregnant on my first try. For the second try I moved on and bought 2 vials. If iui #2 doesn't work then I am looking into ivf. I am lucky that my insurance covers 50% but it's still a huge expense. My family and friends are all very supportive. Am a little worried about showing up to work and being pregnant. Not sure why I care about what my co-workers think. Good luck to you all on your journey of becoming a mother.
  • Chase35174Chase35174 Posts: 29
    My first iui will likely be on the 13th of this month. I know the chances of me getting pregnant the first time (on a natural cycle) are slim to none but something inside me tells me it will work. I'm going to try as much as I can afford. The hurdle I am trying to overcome right now is my parents. I've told my mom about my plans and she reacted in a way that wasn't supportive or excited at all. She thinks I'm being selfish for "doing this" to a child who will have to be in day care or with a sitter all day long while I work (because I'm single). She thinks I don't know what I'm getting into and part of that is true. I don't. But does anyone know when they become parents for the first time? I told her I'm not trying to reinvent the wheel and that people have babies every single day and make less money that I do. The bottom line is that I'm going to do this no matter what she thinks and I'm going to be an awesome mom! My parents are coming to visit in a few days and I will sit both of them down and tell them at the same time. I don't expect they will jump up and down in excitement that their only child wants to be a mom. It's sad. I'm sure they will come around eventually. BUt one thing I've learned is that I'll keep my plans quiet until I have a baby inside of me that is healthy. I don't need peoples negativity getting the best of me. Not everyone understands what we single women are going through. Married people will think we are dumb for trying to be single parents. But everyone is entitled to their opinion. I just don't need the negativity in my life. I want to be a mom and I'm going to be a mom come hell or high water. :)

    p.s. I'm in the chicago-land area.
  • jenn0977jenn0977 Posts: 97
    Chase,

    My mother was not very supportive in the beginning and it hurt. Her exact words were "So you're going to tell your child you went to a sperm bank?" I simply said to her "YES! I'm going to tell my child that mommy wanted you so much that he went to a special place where mommies who don't have regular daddies can have babies!" My child will know that there was someone out there who was generous enough to help women he doesn't even know fulfill their dreams of becoming mothers! My mother apologized a few weeks after that and knows she can never take back her initial reaction. But now that I am just about 12 weeks pregnant she is bugging me about being in the delivery room and taking a day off work to come with me for my 14 week scan. There will be people who have negativity when hearing about choosing single motherhood, but I feel this forum is a great place to get support and reassurance that you are making the right decision for yourself and you are not alone :) sorry to be so long winded :) Good luck with your first IUI and Don't let the negative people get you down!

    p.s.....I'm in NJ!
  • mom2b721mom2b721 Posts: 23
    jenn0977- I'm soon to be in NJ too! I'm glad to coo next with all of you ladies on here. I think we can be great support for each other and I look forward to going through this experience with you! Please keep this thread updated and I will do the same!

    Colleen
  • KBTKBT Posts: 379
    Advice to those starting their journey, if you find a donor you like buy multiple vials. I purchased 5 (2 IUI, 2 IVF) and I used them all, my donor is no longer participating in program.
  • SweetthearttSweettheartt Posts: 373
    I'm of a different belief KBT. I originally bought 6 vials of a donor I liked and after several times trying with that donor I lost faith in that donor and switched to another and had finally had my first pregnancy right off the bat. When that one ended in miscarriage I still had vials left of that second donor so I had a second pregnancy which also ended in miscarriage. My dr wanted me to choose another donor and so did I because what if we just weren't a good blend together? I'm glad I had not overpurchased for the second donor. So then I went on to my third donor. There is also the possibility one you like better can come along. I think if you want more than one child buy lots of vials (maybe), but if you only want one child don't. I've seen so many letters on this board of women wanting to switch donors after not getting pregnant, yet they feel obligated to stick to the donor because they spent so much money on so many vials.
  • SweetthearttSweettheartt Posts: 373
    Oh and one more thing. Some donor vials turn out to be duds of less than 10 million. CCB will only pay you back as you use them. What woman wants to go through all the time and expense of IUIs with a donor that had a dud vial? That's another reason why I didn't want to buy too many.
  • GilmoreGilmore Posts: 1
    I'm just staring this journey to 'choice motherhood.' I hope to have my first IUI in November. Thanks to everyone for sharing their stories. I'm worried about money, about having to do several IUI's or even IVF's before getting pregnant, and about balancing all of this with work. But at the same time I"m really excited and can't wait to get this process started.
  • teambabyteambaby Posts: 9
    Hi Everyone,

    I'm 41, soon to be 42, and hope to begin my IUI journey soon. Unfortunately, there is no way I can afford IVF so it's IUI or nothing. Mr. Right never came along and so it's now or never for me. Those who know about my journey have been very supportive but even if they weren't, I would still go ahead and have a baby.
  • Mybaby79Mybaby79 Posts: 76
    Hi Chase,
    I originally purchased 1 vial and the following day the rest of the vials from that donor were gone. Fortunately someone returned 3 of them and I purchased them. My goal was to save some vials for later, if possible, for a second child.
    I did my first IUI 9/27 and got my BFP on the first try. So, yes you can get pregnant the first time around. Just make sure you take it easy after the procedure!
    Good luck and keep us posted!
  • Mybaby79Mybaby79 Posts: 76
    Ooops, I meant 9/22 not 9/27. :)
  • aeckaeck Posts: 5
    Hello! I am single and chose to do IUI with a sperm donor. BEST. DECISION. EVER.

    I now have a 5 month old baby girl that I love more than anything in the world. (4th IUI) She is happy and healthy. My friends and family have been very supportive. I am the only person I know who has chosen this route so I was worried about the responses. So far, they have all been positive. I hope it will be the same for you!
  • mom2b721mom2b721 Posts: 23
    Love all of these posts. Especially the last 3!! It gives me hope and reassurance that I'm doing the best thing for me and my future family. Thanks for the inspiration and support ladies!
  • ah_511ah_511 Posts: 80
    Hello I am 37 and will have my 4th IUI next week. The unknown is so scary. I also talked to my doctor about trying chlomid to increase my chances but really wanted to do a few rounds without.
    My immediate family is more supportive than I could have ever imagined. A few close friends know. I am so scared to tell people but maybe it will give someone else courage to do this. I was embarrassed and hoping to meet someone or else I would have done this years ago. Quite a journey and praying for a positive trial number 4. So hard financially and emotionally!!

    I am in the Cleveland Ohio area.
  • mom2b721mom2b721 Posts: 23
    Welcome AH!! Good luck with your IUI #4. We are all here to support and encourage each other and I am happy to know of yet another woman making this choice. It's not an easy one but I think we all agree it's the best one for us.
  • melissaprestwoodmelissaprestwood Posts: 136
    Hi ladies!
    I haven't logged in a long time. Been busy! 17 month old twins! LOL

    I am now 36 years old, I decided to become a single mother using a donor. Best decision of my life. Everyone in my life supported me. I got pregnant with my first IUI, I now how have 17 month old twin sons.

    My life before my children is a distant memory. It's been crazy. They were born premature, one healthy and a monster. One has had more than anyone's fair share of health problems. His lungs were underdeveloped. Spent 3 months in NICU. Came home on oxygen...was home 3 months and the week before Christmas he caught a little cold that quickly developed into pneumonia. He spent 2 months in PICU, we were a hairline away from losing him. He was on a life support machine called ECMO (it works for the lungs, so the lungs can rest...it's a last resort effort when chances of survival are less than 20%.) WELL he is a fighter and he survived. He was given a tracheostomy. Doctors said it could be years with it. He's had it since February and he is already being weaned off of it. By his 2nd birthday everything should be gone and lungs healthy living a completely normal life.

    My boys are miracles. I encourage any woman to become a single mother. Having a support system is huge, but we are all strong and can do this. God will not give us what we can't handle.

    There is never the "right" time for it. Have to dive head first and do it.
  • Chase35174Chase35174 Posts: 29
    Hi Everyone! So an update since my last post....my parents visited last week and I had "the talk" with them. Surprisingly my dad was super supportive. They are both worried about me financially but I assured them I will make it work no matter what. My mom is now getting excited to go baby shopping when the time is right. That was the kind of excitement I've been waiting for!

    I had my first IUI this morning so the TWW period begins!

    By the way, did any of you try the "pineapple" method? Did it work? I've read some articles that if you take a whole pineapple and slice it 5 ways, eat a piece each day for 5 days it helps with fertilization. I will literally do anything to help increase my chances! LOL

    Stay tuned!
  • EbbieEbbie Posts: 40
    Chase,

    Experienced same reaction from my mother and it halted me in my tracks because she had previously been supportive until I told he i was actually doing it.

    Now I am not sure how I am gong to proceed.

    All of you out there, what is the most difficult part and what is the best part of being a single parent?
  • EbbieEbbie Posts: 40
    Chase, so happy your parents reaction turned around. Best wishes!
  • Mybaby79Mybaby79 Posts: 76
    I didn't tell my mom until I found out that I was pregnant. It had to be my decision alone.
    She was in shock when she first found out, but by the end of the day, she was super excited and happy for me!
  • HarbinHarbin Posts: 1
    Hello,
    I am also choosing to be a choice mom. My story is slightly different in that I already have two sons from a previous marriage. I knew I wanted more children and then my ex husband had an affair and left us three years ago. Our youngest was only 6 weeks old at the time. As time went on, I grieved the destruction of my marriage, but more so I grieved the loss of having more children..... And then I realized it didn't have to be the end. I have been thinking about this for the last year, and have finally started actually moving toward donor insemination. I have an appointment with a reproductive endocrinologist on November 13th. I did not have any problems getting pregnant naturally with my two boys, both we're conceived on the first try. But I'm 40 now and using donor sperm so I want to make sure I have the best chance possible.
    My boys father is now back in their lives, and my only concern in this process is how donor child is going to feel knowing that their brothers have a "dad" and they don't.
    I am a firm believer in following your heart, having faith, and knowing that anything can be overcome with love. I plan to actively start trying in May. Six months from now! I wish all of us good luck, and baby dust!
  • 156587156587 Posts: 9
    Hi,

    I'm in Texas and just bought 5 vials of 13952. 33 and single and ready to do this, Im tired of waiting to try and find mr right. I have polycystic ovaries so will start my first round after doing some meds in a few weeks. Very excited. Someone on the boards just announced a pregnancy by the same donor, so its cool thinking that there will be half sibs out there.
  • SweetthearttSweettheartt Posts: 373
    Well Harbin, there is always a chance that you will meet a man down the road and your future child will have a father in the new man. Who says it has to be biological?
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