Planning on trying in January and I'm freaking out

Pinklady920Pinklady920 Posts: 45
edited March 25, 2020 8:15PM in LGBTQ+ Couples

I'm worried that I'm going to pick the wrong donor. I'm worried about spending so much money on vials. My Dr. recommends buying 3 or 4, but what if I only need 1? What if I haven't done enough to get ready for this? I don't have irregular periods. My Dr. didn't put me on any meds. I'm taking prenatals and extra folic acid. But I'm overweight, I've been trying to be consistent with exercise but it's just difficult. I'm 35. Never been pregnant. Idk. I'm just freaking out I guess. All the "what if's" are overwhelming. I really want to be able to carry a baby. I've been waiting a long time for this and my wife is super supportive. But I'm still worried. Anyway, I just kind of wanted to vent on here since I stumbled upon it. Looking at donor 14643.

*edit: first insemination on 1/29/2020 donor 14643 - negative
second insemination on 2/25/2020 donor 14643 - positive



  • @Pinklady920 Welcome to our Bulletin Boards! This process isn't easy and it's perfectly normal to have a lot of questions.

    First, it's important to know that less than 1% of applicants become California Cryobank donors. We recruit thousands of applicants from our 4 branches in Los Angeles, Palo Alto, New York, and Cambridge. This allows us to be very selective with who we choose for our donor program. The donors that you see on our catalog went through a strict qualification process that typically takes about 4-5 months. Here's a chart showing all the steps that the donors must go through to become a donor:

    For the average woman, it takes about 3-4 inseminations to achieve pregnancy. You may want to check out Fertility IQ, it's a good resource to learn more about IUIs:

    If you find a donor you really like and only want to use that donor for your IUIs, we recommend purchasing at least 4 vials. Since we limit the amount of vials that we collect and distribute, you'll see that our donors can sell out of vials very quickly. When you purchase 4 vials, we'll give you 1 year of free storage. You can ship 1 vial out at a time and leave the rest in storage, if you get pregnant and don't need the remaining vials, you can continue to store them for a sibling or you can sell back the vials for 50% of what you paid. Here's more information on our free storage programs and our buyback program: This also cuts down on stress worrying about if your donor will have vials when you need them.

    If you have multiple donors that you like with 25+ vials available, you may decide to just purchase and ship 1 vial when you need it. Just remember that vial availability can change quickly and if you have an insemination coming up, you may have to scramble to find another donor in time for your insemination.

    And lastly, there really aren't any "wrong" choices. As mentioned, less than 1% of applicants become donors in our program. We've done a ton of screening for you which is why the vials are priced the way that they are. Many of our clients choose a donor with similar characteristics as their partner or family. We provide a dozen different info items so you can learn more about each one and share this info with your child one day. And once you hold your baby in your arms, you won't second guess your decision of which donor you selected. You'll have the child that you were meant to have. :smile:

    Hope this helps! Please don't hesitate to contact us if you have any questions. We offer free phone consultations - 866-927-9622. We look forward to helping you and your wife start your family!


    California Cryobank

  • When are you ever ready for a kid? The fact that you are being proactive now and taking your vitamins are great! I'm in the same boat and you sound exactly like me except I'm going solo on this! would love to keep in touch! Good luck!!!

  • Thank you! I would like that. Have you chosen a donor?

  • I am at the blood test stage today. 1st round iui. I should find out later today if it worked. The TWW has been excruciating!
    I definitely recommend purchasing more than one vial. Some people are lucky on first try but some are not.

    The what ifs are scary, but the end result will be worth it!! Good luck to both of you!!

  • That's wonderful Frogger! Congratulations!

  • Thank you. 1st round didn't take. My wife and I are hopeful! We will be starting a new cycle as soon as possible! This time around we will try with medication. We did all natural the first time. But with how much invested emotionally we want our best chance possible for success! Have you chosen a donor yet @Pinklady920

  • @Frogger4242 I'm sorry the first round didn't take. But I'm glad that you're looking forward to the next one! Did you buy multiple vials at once? We just bought 2 vials of donor 14643. My period moved up a little this month so my next ovulation will be in two weeks! We're starting with IUI

  • Ahh good luck that's so exciting!! We purchased 4 to start. We didn't know how many tries it would take and for thinking of future siblings. I return to the dr. Friday to see if we will be a go for a 2nd try before Christmas. It's an exciting/nerve wrecking process. Glad to be more prepared this round.

  • Hi @Pinklady920
    I’m so glad you shared what you’re going through because, I thought I was the only one.

    My wife and I will be trying in mid January, IUI, and I’m panicking... I am literally terrified of everything and, I can’t make a final decision on my donor. We Probably would’ve had our first round sooner but, I keep going back and forth...

    This process is all I can think about, I’ve gained 30lbs since we started planning and, I’m not consistent with my prenatals like I should. I just want it to be successful and I’m really trying to only think positive but, like you said, I find myself constantly contemplating “what if’s”

    Although I’m unsure about a lot, I do believe that California Cryobank is the best sperm bank to go through, I’ve done sooooo much research and they’ve impressed me the most. I really appreciated all of the detail they provided to you after your original post. It’s reassuring and, reading posts like yours and others in the community is comforting.

    Guess I needed a vent session too lol. Wishing you the best of luck... ***baby dust *** Thanks!

  • Entered the TWW again! I know round 2 is still not high on the success rate scale but hoping to change that! January 6th is the day we find out! Funny it's my wife's birthday too! Hoping for positive results!

    @Pinklady920 how's it going for you?

  • @Frogger4242 how are you? I’m hoping you have good news for us!

    I missed my last ovulation because I panicked (of course) and it fell over the New Years holiday. So by the tine I decided that the ovulation tests weren’t wrong I couldn’t get into the lab. 😔 So next cycle here we come!

    @CocoXChanel I thought I was the only one too! I’m so happy that y’all replied to my post. We also would have probably been pregnant sooner if I didn’t keep putting it off out of fear. I also just want it to work! PLEASE! Is that too much to ask?! Lol. It’s just so much money and waiting and thinking. BUT I hope that you and your wife have picked a donor. And I agree that CCB is the best choice!! BABY DUST all around!! I loved that ❤️

    @AngieDolce0528 how are you?

  • @Pinklady920 Hi! I do hear you on the worrying, the anxiety and just wanting to make good choices.

    For a bit of background, I'm also 35 and had gone through fibroid surgery the year before trying.

    I think the most useful things were I took vitex and DIM to support hormone balance, I tracked ovulation for 3 months and took prenatals.
    Me and wifey decided to order the 3 vials option. We used 2 (at home inseminations within 12 and 24 hours of seeing peak ovulation) IUIs at home with lovely midwives - and lo and behold it worked first time!

    We're now 4 months along 😁.

    Despite having a healthy pregnancy, it's still jarring (and laughable) to see elderly primagravida on my medical paperwork just because I'm the grand old age of 35! Lol.
    A supportive partner is amazing! Good luck with everything.

  • @Frogger4242 Good luck! That TWW can be excruciating. A belated happy birthday to your wife! 🥳

  • Well my blood tests have came back POSITIVE!!! Still not out of the woods yet. My HCG levels are lower than they want them to be. So I either am earlier in the pregnancy than they think, or worse case it's an etopic pregnancy. :( I sure hope not, of course Google tells me they are awful and scary. I do believe I just implanted late and it's earlier then they think. I will go round 3 blood test Tuesday to see where my levels are then. Hoping, wishing, and praying for the best!

    @Pinklady920 no worries about freaking out! Now you will be spot on next time around!!

    Congrats @minimar on your pregnancy! How has your journey been this far?

  • Thank you! @Frogger4242 I hope you received good news! Sending love and prayers your way.

    Obsessive Googling drove me crazy even though I wanted ALL the information about EVERYTHING lol.

    It has been a journey so far... Week 6 - 12/13 was kinda nightmarish in terms of morning sickness. We were under-prepared for how challenging that could be. I'm happy that the second trimester has lived up to expectations and the fatigue and nausea have lifted. I feel human again. I'm at the showing from the side, little pooch stage and finally enjoying the process more.

  • My first try of IUI should be coming up next week🤞🏼 Been going crazy all week as well, google-ing everything- all i think of, questioning everything and stressing about ovulation timing, hoping i wont miss it. A song that helps me is the song by Kane Brown “what ifs” - listen to it

  • @Frogger4242 @minimar Hi!! And Congratulations!! I love hearing everyone's stories. Even though I know that I'm not the only one going through this, it still kind of feels like that sometimes. So thank you all for sharing and being so supportive! Frogger I hope you still have good news for us after last week's blood tests.
    So I'm going in tomorrow for my first ever insemination! This cycle I was less stressed and it kind of just snuck up on us which we're excited about. @8485 I'm freaking out about ovulation timing also! lol I use the app Flo to track my ovulation and periods but something I changed this month is I started testing my ovulation on cycle day 11 and I used the blue ovulation test strips and the clear blue digital test. Once I got my positive test strip (yesterday morning) I tested with the digital test and it was negative. So I waited for 12hrs and tested again and got two positive tests. It's a lot of trial and error. Last month I tested too late and caught my surge on its last day. I should have gone into the clinic but instead, I panicked and my surge passed by the time I figured out what I was going to do lol. Thank you for the song recommendation! It's perfect <3 lots of love to all of you! Send me baby dust!

  • @Pinklady920 Good luck tomorrow! My first IUI was on Thursday, so I am 5 days in on my 2 week wait. I was cramping all day yesterday, so what do I do? start googling. AHHHH! I really hope it takes. I was also using Flo to track my ovulation, but according to my ovulation kit, it wasn't accurate- it was a little later than Flo. I also started using the app Fermometer, which actually can read a photo of your test strip and it will tell you if your LH is high or surge. I used test strips and when I got surge I also tested with a Clear Blue which gave me a happy face and called my Dr. right away!

  • @8485 Any news?? I'm barely a week in.... well tomorrow will mark a week. Feels like an eternity lol fingers crossed for both of us!

  • @Pinklady920 So, I'm supposed to start my period today according to Flo and I'm about 12dpo. I took 2 pregnancy tests this morning and they were both negative :( I have some mild cramping today and feels like I'm about to start my period. I feel down, but then I think to myself that there might still be a chance as long as my period doesn't show up. I don't know, its like a roller coaster. How are you feeling?

  • @8485 will this Friday the 7th mark your official two weeks after insemination? My math might be off on that. But I would stay hopeful. I'm okay, discouraged as well and trying to push those feelings away. I don't feel anything really. Sometimes I think that I feel cramping but I also suffer from IBS so its probably just that lol. Flo says my period is in 9 days. We bought 3 vials so I'm holding on to the hope that if it didn't work this time I still have a chance! Sending you lots of loving support!

  • @Pinklady920 my insemination was on Thursday 1/23. I'm trying to be calm about it, and think there's always next month, but its hard not to overthink and google everything. Well I wish you luck! Keep me posted. :)

  • @Pinklady920 So AF came :( Unfortunately this month was not my month. Hopefully this coming month will be the one. My period was late, so I was so excited, but I'm thinking maybe the Letrozole the dr. put me on changed my cycle. not sure.

    How are you feeling? anything new?

  • @8485 hey! I’ve been thinking about you and wondering how everything was going. Sorry to hear that AF showed up unwanted lol. It might also be all the nerves and stress. Hang in there! Stay positive! I’m taking a pregnancy test tomorrow. Honestly I don’t feel anything like pregnancy symptoms. I’m trying to stay neutral but that’s impossible. If I’m not I’m going to reward myself with a giant cup of coffee lol! And we get to try again around the same time :smiley:

  • @Pinklady920 Well I send you lots of baby dust your way..Hopefully you get a BFP tomorrow. I will be waiting to hear from you. I will send a little prayer your way. Good luck!

  • @8485 AF came 😫 I tested in the morning and it was negative and then a few hours later she came to end any hope I had lol. Looks like it’s me and you trying again at about the same time! I’m going to have myself a giant cup of coffee all this week!

  • @Pinklady920 Sorry to hear it didn't work for you either. But we have to stay positive and think positive. Here we come IUI #2! lol I hope I learned some things from round #1.
    1. don't Google (at least try not to lol)
    2. stay busy and don't overthink things.
    3. don't have pregnancy tests at home, until you really need to take one.

    Anyways- I'm going to walk on my break times at work this time around, get moving. I work in an office and am sitting most of the time. I also want to eat healthier.

    My dr. had me on Letrozole last time, but this time around we are doing it without medication. Not really sure why. I just follow his orders. :)

    Are you taking any medication?

  • @8485 hey girl! When are you going for round 2?
    No I haven’t been on any meds at all. My Dr said after 3 failed attempts we would try some meds. But I’m hoping I don’t get there! I’ve been doing 30 min of exercise recently also. Two weeks of movement! 🤞🏽 Fingers crossed!

  • @Pinklady920 I started testing my ovulation for round 2. As soon as I get peak I call my dr and we overnight vial. My two different apps are giving me different ovulation dates. One tells me the end of this week and the other says the beginning of next week, which makes me nervous. My dr isn't there Fri-Sun. But I’m trying to stay positive and not stress. Whats the worse that can happen- skip this month and try next month. But hoping it will all work out.

  • @Pinklady920 So I'm going in for my 2nd round tomorrow! Wish me lots of luck. :wink: I'm feeling postitive.

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