I need some advice.

malariejomalariejo Posts: 5
in Single Mothers by Choice
Hello, my name is Malarie.

I want to ask a few questions and get advice for my situation. I am young, some say too young to be worrying about having a child. I am 20 years old, my family has PCOS among most every woman *my mother, my grandmother, Greatgrandmother,& GReat great grandmother. I recently found out that I have had 'Multiple ruptured ovarian cysts'. Which lead to figuring out that i have endometriosis. The doctor wanted to begin treatment and one of the side effects of the laser surgery was-infertility. I have decided to go ahead and use a sperm donor-then start treatment after the baby is born. My family is very supportive of this decision. I guess what i am wanting is some advice from people who have actually had to face this realization of deciding to have a child sooner than you expected rather than waiting too long and losing your chance at your own biological child. My boyfriend's family is absolutely against this. They keep telling me that i will regret my decision. And that adoption is the only option i have and 15 years down the road. The woman telling me that had 5 planned children.

Well Thanks for reading this, I just need some advice from people who have been through this.

Malarie.

Comments

  • smaciegraciesmaciegracie Posts: 296
    I also have PCOS. I say it's a good idea for you to start. I am 25 and have been trying since I was 20. The last year and a half I having been seeing an RE and using a CCB donor and taking fertility meds. My next try is Tuesday. Just be prepared for all of the emotions that come along with this process. It is also expensive...all the doctor appts,meds,ultrasounds,sperm,lab work,etc. Thankfully, my Aetna and Blue Cross insurance have covered most of everything but I still had bills. I will be a single mother and I'm fine with that. All I can say is make sure you prepare yourself.
  • ualtiggerualtigger Posts: 589
    Your boyfriends family has NO say in this... if he were your HUSBAND, they STILL would have no say in this... it would be between you and him. Your family is the one YOU need to be concerned about and, even then, it is STILL your decision.

    I think it is also a good idea to start since you know about the problems you have... I am 46 years and am facing the choice of having a child who is only one-third mine now... I listened too long to people who had NO business telling me what to do with MY life. I'm just happy that this option exists for me to even have children... and you should be too.
  • smaciegraciesmaciegracie Posts: 296
    Ualtigger, how will the child be only 1/3 yours?
  • ualtiggerualtigger Posts: 589
    Because it will take THREE of us to make my children IF I'm not able to conceive with my own eggs instead of two... still my child no matter what since my blood will be in their veins.
  • tatemantateman Posts: 122
    ualtigger,

    You're absolutely correct, your little one will have your blood in their veins and that is all that matters. Good luck to you.

    Michelle
  • ualtiggerualtigger Posts: 589
    Thanks hon... I'm just getting excited to try again... needles and all!! :)
  • smaciegraciesmaciegracie Posts: 296
    Oh ok, I just didn't understand right away.
  • malariejomalariejo Posts: 5
    well thanks for the comments that helps me a lot. I appreciate it.
  • ualtiggerualtigger Posts: 589
    samciegracie: Don't worry hon... it took me a while to figure that one out too!! :)
  • FELISA329FELISA329 Posts: 3
    I'M 38 YRS OLD AND SINGLE, I HAVE BEEN CONTEMPLATING THIS PROCESS FOR LONG TIME NOW AND I THINK I'M READY TO START. I HAVE ALSO BEEN RESEARCHING SPERM DONORS AND I BELIEVE I FOUND ONE THAT LIKE. DOES ANYONE KNOW THAT WHEN THEY INDICATE THAT THIS DONOR IS OUT OF VIALS AND EXPECTED TO GIVE MORE IS THAT REALLY TRUE OR SHOULD I CALL TO INQUIRE. I HAVEN'T MADE AN APPOINTMENT WITH IVF FACILITY YET. MY OTHER QUESTION IS THAT ONCE YOU MAKE THE IVF APPOINTMENT HOW LONG FROM INTIAL EXAM TO INSEMINATION DOES IT TAKE. I AM ON A SHORT CLOCK. IF ANYONE KNOWS THE COST OF THE INTIAL EXAM THAT WOULD BE GREAT TOO.
  • JanaBNYJanaBNY Posts: 70
    Hi Felisa..I am 36. I had my first consult back in July. I am not sure where exactly you are in the process but so far here is where I am at...July was my consult, they took a bunch of blood tests that day to check for communicable diseases and also an MIS test to figure out where I am in terms of my fertility life span. I then when in on day 2 of my cycle to test my hormone levels and then on day 10 I went in for the HSG test to see that there were no blockages. Everything has come back good and I was given the go ahead. I think I could have gone for my first IUI last cycle but I wasn't ready to do it. I still had to pick my donor, order the vials etc. Aside from the HSG test which I found painful the donor selection was the hardest. Finally I just sat down one day and picked. I bought 6 vials bc my RE thinks it will take 1-3 attempts based on my results. He says if I don't get pregnant on the 3rd attempt he will then move to IUI with clomid (he does things in 3s). Two vials are now sitting at my doctors waiting for my body to be ready! I will probably get my period on Tuesday so then day 2 I will go in to test my hormone levels and I guess if all goes well I should have my first IUI in about 2 1/2 weeks. Will you be starting with IVF or IUI?
  • MzDnyaMzDnya Posts: 18
    Hi Felisa,
    I would suggest your start with contacting your insurance carrier for fertility coverage and for a list of IVF Clinics. Most insurance companies will cover doctor visits and the basic infertility evaluation exams, so factor just your co-pay for seeing a specialist, if applicable. Now for your timeline, schedule your first appointment just before your menstrual start, the reasons being, most infertility tests are done at specific times during your menstrual cycle. All tests are cumulative and you will be informed of the results during a formal consultation with your physician. At this appointment, your physician will indicated which course of treatment is best for you, IUI or IVF and usually your first cycle starts the following month. The physician will also tell you which type of sperm to purchase as well as how many vials from the cryobank based on your results. And yes, I would suggest you contact the cryobank about that sperm donor asap.
  • ArkmomArkmom Posts: 92
    Malarie:
    It always amazes me that lucky people consider their good fortune to be a form of moral superiority that gives them the right to judge others. This woman has no right to ask you to give up on your chance to ever have a biological child just because the circumstances make her personally uncomfortable. It is easly for her to say "just adopt". She never had to face that choice. By and large living things, including human beings, are hardwired not only to want to nurture young, but to actually reproduce and pass on their genes. There is nothing wrong and everything right with that. Don't worry about your age. Twenty-year-old women have been having and successfully raising babies with and without fathers for 200,000 plus years. Having kids is hard at any age. The support of two loving grandparents who are actually young enough to help will be a blessing.

    Felisa:
    Depending on where you are in your cycle when you have the first appointment, what you learn about your fertility and what type of proceedure you are starting with your first insemination and/or retreval should be in 2 to 12 weeks.
  • malariejomalariejo Posts: 5
    Well thank you everyone for you opinions. I really appreciate it. Also, I was wondering if it is "normal" for the Dr's office to "give you the run-around". I requested information on his expense etc and i have called and asked -still no response. I just don't know if he realizes how serious i am about this. Any suggestions? Should i just find another dr?
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