35 and single and would like advice

kelly_wikelly_wi Posts: 4
in Single Mothers by Choice
Hi! I'm 35 and single and have been thinking about artificial insemination for quite some time now. I'm over the whole dating thing because I just haven't found the person I would want to be with forever but I'm not getting any younger. I have always dreamed of being a mom and I can't imagine never having kids. My mom doesn't like the idea of artificial insemination because it's "not normal" and thinks I should keep waiting to find "the one." What if I never find "the one"?

The only thing that scares me is the cost of doing this and doing it alone. I'm always scared of what people will think. Everyone at my job knows that I'm single so people would be gossiping.

All thoughts would be so appreciated!! Thank you!
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Comments

  • BebeJackson38BebeJackson38 Posts: 6
    I hear you. I'm in the same situation!!! My mother does not agree and everyone knows I'm single. I'm also 38 and considered doing this since age 35. My advice: everyone else is living their lives and doing what they want. People talk if you do, they talk if you don't, so why not go ahead and be happy? There are so many people that don't want the kids they do become pregnant with and those that don't plan. So for those of us who put so much forethought into it, I think we'll make great parents. Live your life and don't let it pass you by as you wonder what could have been--that's misery. I just had my first IUI and I'm pretty sure it worked!! Good luck.
  • BravoLoverBravoLover Posts: 1
    I am 35 too and am going for it! I had the exact same hang-up w/my mom thinking it is not normal. "Just wait two years." She LOVES to brag about her kids so this kind of throws a wrench in her story. ;) Anyway, I spoke to a friend's sister who did it 12 years ago (now she has twin 12-year-old girls (IUI w/meds)) and she said her mother was also against it. But, she said to her mom that she is doing this and the mother can either be supportive or not be involved. Then all of a sudden her mother started calling her and saying, "I noticed an article about single mothers" or "I saw a billboard with a single mother." Now that the girls are 12, the grandmother won't even admit that there was a time when she was not on board. She loves her granddaughters so much.
  • Texas_SingleTexas_Single Posts: 4
    I'm 35 too with a large uterine fibroid and have been thinking about being a single mom. I've decided to go through with it because of the fibroid and the complications it could cause down the road. I'm starting to get nervous and scared about the idea, now that the IUI date is getting closer.

    I'm worried that my child might "suffer" having a single parent. I've always heard that "children need their fathers". I don't think I agree with that even though I had a good father. A child is happy with the love of a mother and your "village". My sister got divorced when she had her son and he was a happy child with my brother and dad as "father figures".

    My mom is super supportive about my decision even though my other siblings aren't. I too worry about what people will think. I'm actually a virgin so I know many will talk and gossip. I have my faith and my mom as support so I'm going for it too. I'm nervous and the day I do the IUI I will be even more nervous but I'm following my instincts. I know I'll never regret being a mother, but I could regret missing my chance if I don't do it now.

    Follow your heart, not your head. That's my 2 cents.
  • lehcar3578lehcar3578 Posts: 3
    im 38 and just made the decision .i dont give a damn what people are going to say !!!!! my mother is excited !!!!
  • SunshineLoverSunshineLover Posts: 25
    I think the gossip and snide comments depend on the part of the country you live in. I am in MA and have been very open about my TTC adventure to anyone with a listening ear. I've ran into very few people who will openly belittle you. The worst comment I heard was from a very religious person who said "love the sinner hate the sin" in regards to my pregnancy. Most people are very supportive. Everyone loves a pregnant lady.

    I am 30 years old and reached a point in my long term relationship where I knew it would never lead towards children. I had to make the choice of having a man or having a child. I decided to have a child and find the man later. It was the best decision of my life!

    My ttc journey started in July with blood tests galore and cycle tracking. I had one miscarriage and one cycle that was negative. My third try in December was the charm. My insurance covered nothing so including sperm my total cost was about $5000 for the three attempts and bloodwork.

    I am currently 20 weeks pregnant with my baby girl. My exboyfriend has remained in my life and we are still trying to figure things out but i know I will always have my daughter.

    I highly encourage you to join the facebook group CCB Friends. It is a private group that is full of women who are going through the same thing. They are full of information. Good Luck!
  • sweetie333sweetie333 Posts: 10
    I turn 35 in May, I'm single and will be starting my IUI journey within the next couple of months. I have thought long and hard about this decision and everything that comes along with it. I have decided to answer the question about the father with "I don't speak to the Father and I don't want to speak about it." Anyone that continues the conversation further is rude and everyone else can come up with their own unconfirmed conclusions about how I got pregnant.

    I'm SO blessed to have my immediate family as a support for me! My Mother is actually looking forward to leaving her job to be the caretaker of her grandchildren and I couldn't be happier!

    My main concern is finances. Two vials of IUI sperm along with shipping is about $2,000. Although my insurance covers my preliminary workups, the procedure itself isn't covered which will cost about another $2,000. I am really praying for great success on my first try!!! I wish all of you all the best. If anyone wants to chat further, please list your email. I live in New York and would love to share stories.
  • Jazz2424Jazz2424 Posts: 1
    Im 24 and single but i have endometriosis along with sci and i don't care, what people think about my choice i may not be able to have kids in a year at all.
  • 36andreadyforbaby36andreadyforbaby Posts: 1
    I don't know why I waited to do this.. I was in a relationship with someone for nearly 14 years hoping he was the ONE and that one day he would finally decide to want kids..but That never happen... I never Got pregnant nor did he really want to get me pregnant.. I don't want to live with the regret of why I did not get pregnant.. So here j am 36 and single and have made the decision to find out if I could. I purchased 5 vials. My first one is this month.. I'm scared sh^#less! But at the same time excited!!

    don't worry about what people are going to say or think! it's your utures your money your life your baby!!

    my immediate family is excited and my very close friends have been very supportive and have also accompany me to my visits.. other than those I have chosen to tell.. For all it matters I had A one night stand and got knocked up.. If when the time comes to tell your child that will be between you and him/her!!

    Good luck to all of us!!

    Best decision I've ever made! maybe later I will meet Mr. right whom will accept me for my decision I have made and would love to share parent hood with me..
  • JulieAnne2016JulieAnne2016 Posts: 1
    This thread is such a life saver. I am in the same boat as all of you. I want children, but my now ex boyfriend doesn't. I had a pregnancy scare and he wanted an abortion. I knew at that time this whole time he was saying he wanted kids was a lie. I am not ready to do it on my own. I'm excited!
  • ladihowkladihowk Posts: 12
    I was in very similar circumstances 2 years ago, my son is almost 17 months old now and I do not regret a thing. I had met too many Mr. Wrongs and was afraid I would miss out on having a child. So with family support we started the journey. People will talk but I am very open up front about the process and my decisions about doing it. being so open kind of takes the bite out of the snarky comments. Good luck.
  • ladihowkladihowk Posts: 12
    I was in very similar circumstances 2 years ago, my son is almost 17 months old now and I do not regret a thing. I had met too many Mr. Wrongs and was afraid I would miss out on having a child. So with family support we started the journey. People will talk but I am very open up front about the process and my decisions about doing it. being so open kind of takes the bite out of the snarky comments. Good luck.
  • aeckaeck Posts: 5
    "Those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind." -Dr. Seuss

    I wend through this when I was 36. My parents and friends were a little shocked and skeptical. But when it sunk in, they were all supportive and excited. It was truly the BEST decision I ever made and I wish I had done it sooner!

    My daughter is the love of my life. The one I had been searching for.

    One piece of advice though.........have your finances in order. It took me $10,000 from the start of this process until my daughter was born. Plus...... Diapers + Formula + Daycare = LOTS OF MONEY!

    Good Luck!!
  • MinlpMinlp Posts: 4
    I can totally relate. There is a lot of societal pressure to do things a certain way. By age 38, I had been in several long term relationships but never met "the one". I am so happy I proceeded with CCB as I can't imagine not being a mom. On my second IUI, I was fortunate enough to get pregnant. I am now a mother to a beautiful, healthy five month old baby boy.

    Remember life is short and if you are emotionally, physically, and financially able to raise a child in a loving home, go for it! Best of luck.
  • sapphiress20sapphiress20 Posts: 5
    Thank You everyone for the replies. I too feel the same way and am starting my journey with IUI and single motherhood. Im really anxious, and want to be successful on my first attempt ( I am totally aware the average is 4 attempts) I read in another forum, a woman who was older than me and successful on the first attempt. I pray for this.
    I just turned 36 years in september and dont want to wait anylong
    @bebejackson Great attitude! Thanks for the encouragement to me and all
  • sapphiress20sapphiress20 Posts: 5
    @BravoLover
    @sweetie333
    I would like to know if you have recommendations on books,articles, forums etc. to read about how to have the conversation with my future child, when he/she asks about DAD?
    @sweetie333, Im interested in chatting further. I will be started my journey in November. (Im in Cali, the other coasts lol) sapphiress20@yahoo.com
  • SM-CaliSM-Cali Posts: 16
    Kelli, I completely understand what you're going through! I'm just over 40 and feel I waited far too long to have kids while hoping to find a guy to form a family with. Still haven't found him! My clock is ticking quite loudly, so I'm gong for it. I'm excited, scared, but don't give a hoot what people think! My mom says she's onboard, but when I ask for her opinion on something on the issue, she doesn't really respond. I feel a bit isolated, to be honest. Since I don't know if the procedure will be successful, I haven't told but 3 people. Soon, it can be lonely.

    I say,, go for it! I thank God we live in a country, time/place where medical technology has advanced to this point. It's a great option! I'm using it because I think I would make a great mom and I love love love kids. I could not imagine my life without a child for much longer. Adoption is soon much money, it's not a viable option for me. I wish you success and happiness....to all of you here !
  • Lili40Lili40 Posts: 11
    Reading all of your stories has been making me realize that so many of us feel the same way about becoming mothers. I turned 40 yesterday and I get to try my 1st IUI attempt next cycle. After 7 months of tests, procedures, and polyp removal surgery the time has finally come. I have been very open with my family and friends. It's nice to have their support but I would have gone through with it regardless. The cost is the only part that scared me- I am lucky enough to have friends that have basically been my sponsors for the 2 attempts I have. Motherhood is my dream and plan to do all I can to achieve it. Best of luck to all of you!
  • pajuxypajuxy Posts: 1
    I'm 39. I just had my first IUI on Tuesday. I feel the same as many of you, excited and nervous. I also feel so confident that this is my path.

    I know several amazing women who are single, and childless (not by choice). Contrary to the Disney stories I love, true love doesn't happen for everyone. I don't know if it will happen for me, but I don't want to look back in 5 years and wonder what if I had tried to have a baby on my own. I believe that if there is someone out there who is my true love, then they will love my child like their own.

    I'm lucky in that I feel very supported by those around me. In fact, one of my fav people in the world pushed the plunger on Tuesday during my IUI. My friends were fighting for the honor. If I'm lucky enough to get pregnant, I know my baby was conceived in love, albeit a non-traditional way.

    Good luck to you all as you find your way. I hope your dreams come true, whatever they may be.
  • singlemommy2015singlemommy2015 Posts: 20
    How are ya'all doing now? I thought I had posted on this topic as well, but must not have actually hit the 'reply'

    I am 39 and just did IUI today for the first time. It is so nerve wracking, and scary but know it will be the best thing that ever happened to me if it comes up positive.

    My doc told me; " you have forever to find Mr Right, you DO NOT have forever to have a baby" so here I am!!!
  • hopefulmeghopefulmeg Posts: 12
    It is such a relief to see so many women in the same situation as I am. I loved reading this topic string.

    I am a single 36 year old and my first IUI will be next month. I cannot wait! I told my doctor I was thinking about adoption and then she told me about having an IUI. My doctor said if I didn't have kids in the next year or so, my chance of carrying to term would not be good. So my decision to do this was easy.

    My mom is pretty supportive...for the most part. I live in a different state then my family, so I think her concern is me being so far away. The few close friends I've told are so excited for me and very supportive. I think when people ask me about the father, I will say donor 13527 (hopefully) blessed me with this beautiful mircale. I don't think it's anything to be ashamed of and I'm very proud.

    However, I'm not sure how anybody else feels, but I've found it to be sometimes an emotional and lonely process. Only because my friends/family have never gone through this process and they don't understand it all the way and it'd always be nice to have someone that does understand it. If that makes sense.

    Sorry for the long message! Lol
  • MonarchMonarch Posts: 1
    It's so good to hear about your journeys. I admire all of you!

    I'm 34 and started my preliminary testing for IUI. This has been tough because I haven't really confided in my huge family because they're so traditional. I already feel like an outcast because I'm not married and have no children. I believe that my family will be accepting, though, especially my parents. They're happy if I'm happy. Ultimately, though, you have to do what's right for you. For me, being a mother is far more important than being a wife. And who's to say I won't get married later down the line? ;)

    Stay strong ladies. In my field, I deal with a lot of child abuse/neglect cases. I cannot believe how someone could treat such a precious gift that way. The fact that we're planning to be parents already makes us better equipped!
  • Help8Help8 Posts: 32
    I'm single of 40,last year I did IVF but no succes, I'll do IVF again this year,I feel so alone and stessful ,I want to contact with others who has the same situation with me,how can I join the FB group"CCB Friends"?it seems that it doesn't accept to join? I 'll very glad to join if someone can help me ,my facebook ID: Nathalie Zhang,thanks a lot.
  • Help8Help8 Posts: 32
    my E-mail ?zhangteng12319@126.com
  • Scheherazade Scheherazade Posts: 2
    I am so grateful to have found this thread..it's wonderful to know there are many women out there that are in the same boat as myself: single, late 30s (I'm 37) and yearning to become a mother.

    I am just beginning my IUI journey and my biggest fear is really what to tell my child when he/she asks me where is his/her father. I have absolutely no idea at this point how I will respond, but I definitely can't begin a tale of lies that will have to go on for years until the child is old enough to understand. That is unacceptable to me and I don't think I can hold up for that long!

    My family and friends are supportive of my decision, which is great.

    Good luck to everyone!
  • newbie373newbie373 Posts: 17
    I'm 41 and after much much deliberation and waiting for Mr. Right I decided to go for it on my own. My first attempt was successful. I"m happy to share my story with anyone who might find it helpful.
  • Almost40Almost40 Posts: 2
    Singlemommy2015 I love that line!
  • coleen341coleen341 Posts: 12
    Hello,

    I know this thread is a little old but I still want to comment on it anyway. I am 41 years old and single. I have tried to date on-line and the old fashion way. I have had no luck. I have decided to have a baby anyway. I am a little scared but I am still going thru with it. My mother is being supportive and my father. I have not told a lot of people yet. I know people will take when I show up preggers and not have a partner but I don't care. Time waits for no one. Everybody is not going to be born at the same time or die at the same time. Everybody life is different. I am just going to go with the flow. Something I haven't done in a long time. I know it will be costly and probably will have a lot of sleepless nights but in the end it is my decision.

    Tomorrow is my first IUI. I am praying everything goes good. Nice to know there are other people out there with a story also. Best of luck to everyone.
  • Firefly419Firefly419 Posts: 35
    Good Luck today Coleen341!! Sending good vibes your way :)
  • 678lucky678lucky Posts: 1

    Hi! I’m 29 and I’m considering this process. Have a fear of waiting to late and I️ just don’t see the love of my life happing for me. I’ve prayed about it. And I️ feel this may be the best deicsion if I️ want to have one young. There’s nothing wrong with me physically and I’m consider myself to be very attractive, I know if you so me you would think I️ was crazy and I️ can’t find a partner but it’s so hard and I’m so ready to start a family. I️ just don’t want to wait to late :(

  • Kymom82Kymom82 Posts: 22

    Hi! I’m about to turn 35 and was going through fertility treatments with my wife and she was going through First with iui, long story short after she got pregnant she left me 3 weeks later for a teenaged girl she had been working with. So there went my dreams of a family :(
    I don’t see me finding a partner to start a family with and my clock is ticking so I too am going to try and make a family as a singe mom! It’s scary and exciting but it’s nice to see there are other ladies going through this as well

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