Doing this on my own... Would love to meet other women who are in the same position...

SpringInNYSpringInNY Posts: 8
in Single Mothers by Choice
I am 40 years old and am starting injections tomorrow, hopefully going through an IVF cycle soon thereafter...
It is such a lonely undertaking... I have great friends and a very supportive family, but they are far away in Europe and also cannot really relate to what all of this entails. It would be amazing to meet other women who are going through the same experience and exchange views and hopefully support each other.
This is not what I pictured would happen at 40 years old, but I just haven't met the right man (or more likely, I have been too focused on my career and time just went by...).

Wishing you all the very best!
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Comments

  • joyful2joyful2 Posts: 4
    I have been feeling exactly the same way!

    Congratulations on starting this process on your own. It's extremely difficult to discuss this with anyone that's not going through this process. I'm still in the process of selecting a donor. I'm in my late 30's and I too never thought this would be my journey to motherhood.


    Good luck!!!
  • KBTKBT Posts: 379
    The feelings are mutual. I haven't even told my family or friends. Egg retrieval tomorrow. Have you picked your donor?
  • joyful2joyful2 Posts: 4
    No, I haven't picked a donor yet. It's so hard to select the right one. Think only positive thoughts. Everything will be fine. Hopefully you have someone there with you tomorrow.
  • DoingItAloneDoingItAlone Posts: 62
    I am also from NY, Long Island. Where are you from SpringinNY? I am not doing IVF, but rather IUI. First one in September, I am excited but also have that lonely feeling sometimes. I have a great support system. I also have become friendly with another woman who is going through same (IUI) around the same time as me. It's great to be able to bounce ideas, feelings, Etc of each other!

    Joyful2, I found picking a donor to be fun. I did it like I was trying to meet someone to date. Once I narrowed down all the options (Height, Eyes, Religion, ETC.) I took who was left and I then looked at medical and personal essays. I knew there was things I didn't want in the family medical history due to my own family history and I sorted out to that. Hope this helps, Good luck in your search!
  • SpringInNYSpringInNY Posts: 8
    DoingItAlone: That's interesting. I found it a lonely exercise and felt really conflicted about which donour to choose...

    If anyone is in the NY area and would like to meet up for a coffee, that would be great!
  • DoingItAloneDoingItAlone Posts: 62
    SpringinNY where are you from? City, Upstate, Long Island?? I would love to meet up if we are near each other.

    Picking a donor can be overwhelming for sure!! And yes, I often felt like, why do I even have to do this. This isn't the way this is supposed to be. In the beginning it seems like how am I ever going to sort through these. Start by using the filters based on what is important to you.
  • Camochick04Camochick04 Posts: 6
    SpringinNY-

    I'm not doing IVF, but IUI...but I am there with you on this being a lonely venture sometimes. My family are all at least 7-8 hours from me, and my family is somewhat supportive. I'm not getting a lot of excitement yet from them. My mom asks me questions, but that's it. My friends who know are really excited for me though.

    I found looking at donors a lot of fun! I'm not starting the process until September/October timeframe...so I haven't gotten anywhere near picking a donor yet. I'm going to make that a fun friend night and get feedback from a few people, including DoingItAlone (hope that is okay...sorry to Spring that on you! Lol)

    I'd like to meet up too!!! I'm in South Western Massachusetts, but I am a short, 2-2 1/2 hour train ride away. :)

    Julie
  • KBTKBT Posts: 379
    Thanks joyful!

    Everything went well, they retrieved 11 eggs so hopefully the next few days go well.
  • SpringInNYSpringInNY Posts: 8
    Thank you, ladies, so much for responding to my post. It is such an overwhelming process. I was supposed to start my ivf cycle today. It all started at 7 am when I run into a really bitchy nurse. She was super upset saying that I had not collected the required information to start the cycle (they asked, among other things, for a mammogram (my first, since I just turned 40) and I accordingly did it and got the results a month ago; they said they would fax them to my doctor; all NYU, same institution, both radiology and fertility -- they even made me sign a form consenting to them sharing the information with each other). She was totally upset and annoyed that they hadn't received the result (at 7 am in the morning, when they knew I was coming in on my second day of the cycle today and the results had been available for 4 weeks). Why didn't they check earlier and contact me or the radiology section directly? Will spare you more, but this went on with her calling me several times at work today (really angry and aggressive) with the result that I need to wait for the next cycle. It may not sound like a big deal, but I did an egg freezing cycle in May and had a result of two mature eggs that could be frozen (the others were immature) which is obviously a poor response (age appropriate though as they say) and for me every month now really counts. The poor response was the reason why I was junping right into IVF in the first place. I did the egg freezing cycle at cornell and the only reason I switched was that cornell closed for a few weeks this summer, so it would have delayed me. A delay I have now anyway.
    A ray of sunshine.. - ha! I know... it just has been a hell of a day!
  • SpringInNYSpringInNY Posts: 8
    Joyful: good luck with the selection process! It's a tough choice, but once decided, things get so much easier!

    KBT: That's a FANTASTIC result! Congratulations! My last egg retrieval resulted in 2 frozen eggs (out of 5 that were retrieved). I am 40 though.They said it's "age appropriate". Yay me! ugh.

    DoingItALone and Camochick04:

    Let's definitely meet up! I am in manhattan (west village), but flexible! And from Europe, always up for discovering new places here anyway!
  • DoingItAloneDoingItAlone Posts: 62
    edited February 13, 2018 6:19PM
    Camochick04, Lol, I would love to go to a "Donor Picking Party". haha

    SpringInNy and Camochick04: YAY! Sounds good to me!! Camochik04 and I e-mail often, and it is great bouncing ideas, feelings, etc off of each other!
  • KBTKBT Posts: 379
    Of the 11, 5 were mature and all 5 made it overnight. Waiting for day 2 results. This process is just a agonizing as the TWW.

    @springny: sorry to hear your interactions with the nurse. How large is the facility?is it probable you will have to deal with this one nurse the entire journey?

    I actually chose to go to an office 1hrs away in standing traffic for half the ride going (25 min to get home) vs 1.6 miles away because of office staff. I dreaded going to the closer office during weekend monitoring because the other was closed for the weekend. My nurse is awesome. ER is done by my DR( thankfully but even yet my interaction with him are limited) at the closer office, so she's not getting info 1st hand realtime info so she's having me text her my daily updates.

    If service was better, you may want to switch back.
  • Atari LoverAtari Lover Posts: 1
    Hello All, I am taking this journey with you!!! I am single, 39, and planning to be a SMBC. It took me a long time to finally decide to go through with this. I started thinking about it when I was 36. I went to the fertility clinic and had all my labs done and ultrasounds and everything...but then I stalled because I met someone...Well that didn't work out...so here I am...more confident that I can do this on my own now. I have had 2 failed IUIs. I'm currently in the TWW of my 3rd IUI. All three were unmedicated. I will test on Tuesday the 21st. If this third IUI is a BFN, then I will move onto IVF.

    Like most of you...I never thought I would be taking this particular journey to motherhood. I never thought I would still be single at my age. But it is what it is.

    I wish you all the best of luck as we take this journey together!!
  • Kenzie6255Kenzie6255 Posts: 2
    Hello, I'm single and 27. I've decided to be a SMBC and I'm ok with that. I honestly do not feel like having a relationship at this point in life. It's never really been that important to me. But I've always wanted children, I can't shake this feeling of needing a child, needing to be a mother. I began my SMBC journey in March. My first procedure is in September :) I feel alone in this journey because my mother prefers me to keep waiting for a spouse, but I just can't wait anymore. I know I'm still young but this is what my heart desires. I'm ready.
  • DoingItAloneDoingItAlone Posts: 62
    Kenzie6255, as long as you are ready in your heart and you are financially able to support your decision. I say SO FOR IT! :)
  • Kenzie6255Kenzie6255 Posts: 2
    DoingItAlone, I began making preparations for this journey months back. Financially, mentally and physically I'm at a great state. I just feel as if someone is missing in my life. Being a mother is my dream...
  • DoingItAloneDoingItAlone Posts: 62
    Atari Lover,

    Best of luck to you, I hope this IUI worked!
  • joyful2joyful2 Posts: 4
    Thanks ladies for the words of encouragement. But seriously I'm not enjoying the donor selection process at all. I'm constantly thinking am I really during this? Hopefully, I make a decision soon because I would like to start by September. I'm always willing to meet anyone to share our journey and support each other during this process.
  • DoingItAloneDoingItAlone Posts: 62
    edited February 13, 2018 6:19PM
    Kenzie6255 I understand that!

    Joyful2 and anyone else out there. Feel free to e-mail me anytime. Camochick04 and I e-mail back and forth on a regular basis. Bouncing donors off each other for thoughts. ETC. Anyone who want's to join us. Feel free.

    Anyone in the NY area like to meet up?!?! I know Camochick04 and I would love to meet up with others and expand our little support group.

    Hope all had a great weekend
  • Camochick04Camochick04 Posts: 6
    joyful2- I am also in my late 30's and I never thought I would be at this place. I'm having a hard time picking a donor because there are just so many I like! It's a very detaching experience, like you're shopping for shoes or something. I've found one that I really like, but he's CMV positive, so when I get tested tomorrow for CMV, if I am positive, he may be my #1 choice (at least for now). If you have some donors you want to bounce off of us, I'm sure we'd all love to do that.

    Kenzie6255- being a mother is my dream too. Unfortunately, I just finished grad school, so I have not gotten myself as prepared financially as I'd like to be...plus, I'm starting a new career this fall and job hunting as we speak! Makes it stressful to be changing careers at the same time as pursuing this, and going into debt initially to make it happen. I wish I had more time to get things set up, but at almost 39, I don't think I can wait much longer. I just have to have faith that everything will work out.

    I think meeting up would be awesome! I'm not in New York, but in Massachusetts. I'm just a short 2-hour train ride away! :)

    Julie
  • joyful2joyful2 Posts: 4
    Thanks DoingItAlone! I'll contact you soon. I'm in South FL if anyone here is near me, we can get together. Good luck to everyone having tests or procedures done this week or in the near future.
  • HopeCEHopeCE Posts: 16
    Hi All,

    I'm so encourage at the number of women going at this alone!

    Will start trying again with IUIs in early Sept. It will be my 4th IUI but after taking a break for a months, weekly acupuncture appointments, a better diet and more exercise, I'm hopeful #4 will be it.

    I'm in NJ. If you'd like to stay in touch email me at
    babblesbaublesbaby@gmail.com.
  • BabysoonBabysoon Posts: 10
    Hi ladies.
    I am still tossing the idea around. I just got up the nerve to make an account. I am only 25 but feel like my clock is ticking away. I am beginning to get the comments about when I will get married and have babies.
    It is a very lonely process. I have an awesome supportive friend who I know has my back but otherwise I try not to tell people because when I have nobody really takes the idea seriously. So mostly I stress about it alone. A month or so ago my friend gave all of her baby stuff away. I know I have no right to be upset about it but it hurt because I felt like she never even considered me a someone to save it for.
  • BabysoonBabysoon Posts: 10
    Hi ladies.
    I am still tossing the idea around. I just got up the nerve to make an account. I am only 25 but feel like my clock is ticking away. I am beginning to get the comments about when I will get married and have babies.
    It is a very lonely process. I have an awesome supportive friend who I know has my back but otherwise I try not to tell people because when I have nobody really takes the idea seriously. So mostly I stress about it alone. A month or so ago my friend gave all of her baby stuff away. I know I have no right to be upset about it but it hurt because I felt like she never even considered me a someone to save it for.
  • charliebcharlieb Posts: 6
    I too chose this journey for myself. I was 30 at the time and medically told for me it was now or never and even now wasn't guaranteed. May of 2014 i started my journey it was the scariest and most exciting rollercoaster I have ever been on. I never thought I would be doing this on my own - it is also something I didn't really know to much about. I also didn't know anyone who had done it. I have amazing friends and family who supported me the best the could as was said in an earlier post a lot of people don't understand the whole process. I ended up going through an ivf cycle and became pregnant with my amazing and beautiful little boy. He was born this past January and is now 6 and 1/2 months. Once he was here the support I received from my family and friends was overwhelming. He truly is the most loved little boy. It has been a challenging at time experience to go thru this as a single mother. But in all honesty at this point I couldn't imagine it any other way. Be proud of the decision your making its the best thing I personally have ever done. I'm wishing all of you ladies the best of luck on this journey and hope that you all are as blessed as I am with my little boy.

    Heather
  • d56d56 Posts: 9
    I am 33 yrs old and also doing this on my own. I think you all are very strong women and I think that just knowing its possible to conceive our child/children alone is empowering and amazing. I conceived my daughter naturally w a real jerk and the baby died 9 days old of sids. its heartbreaking. I lost my angel. I am going to conceive using a sperm donor after all I didn't use a donor the first time and ended up alone during my pregnancy. gl to you all. has anyone seen a picture of donor 14102? I did not buy the package ...any thoughts?
  • willow11willow11 Posts: 16
    I am 41. I had my first child 16 months ago with a known donor/friend. I raise her alone. I decided to have a second child using sperm from CCB. I had my first IUI on July 28th and had a +pregnancy test this past Monday. So excited that it worked on one try, especially at my age. Yay!

    d56- donor 14102 is very handsome. Brown hair and brown eyes. Good looking!
  • mybabybug16mybabybug16 Posts: 15
    Hi everyone! I've always wanted to be a wife and mother but it just hasn't happened. I was recently in a relationship and thought I would be ok with just having that but he definitely didn't want more kids (he had his own) and I definitely do. So, I've decided to embark on this journey alone. Any suggestions or support would be greatly appreciated. I am 39 and at the very beginning steps of this process. Going for my first doctor apt on Monday. Still picking out my donor. It's so overwhelming.
  • mybabybug16mybabybug16 Posts: 15
    Hi everyone! I've always wanted to be a wife and mother but it just hasn't happened. I was recently in a relationship and thought I would be ok with just having that but he definitely didn't want more kids (he had his own) and I definitely do. So, I've decided to embark on this journey alone. Any suggestions or support would be greatly appreciated. I am 39 and at the very beginning steps of this process. Going for my first doctor apt on Monday. Still picking out my donor. It's so overwhelming.
  • mybabybug16mybabybug16 Posts: 15
    Hi everyone! I've always wanted to be a wife and mother but it just hasn't happened. I was recently in a relationship and thought I would be ok with just having that but he definitely didn't want more kids (he had his own) and I definitely do. So, I've decided to embark on this journey alone. Any suggestions or support would be greatly appreciated. I am 39 and at the very beginning steps of this process. Going for my first doctor apt on Monday. Still picking out my donor. It's so overwhelming.
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