Family against sperm bank...
grizgirl
Posts: 56
Wow, I just had to vent a little. My cousin (who my mother told about my decision to be a single mother) keeps telling me it's a bad idea to use a sperm bank. She says I should just go to a bar and pick up a guy. Today was a new suggestion. She thinks I should use her ex-husband, who she left because he was an abusive ass, as a sperm donor. I'm seriously at a loss for what to say. Has anyone had any problems like this with their family? I don't want to fight with her about this and try to dodge the topic but she is texting me now about it so I'm going to have to respond.
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If your cousin's ex wasn't good enough for her to keep, why would you want to get involved w/ crazy?
I would want to take the route you are not respond. But I think after the nagging I would finally be rude.
Good luck! Keep us posted. I may need to advice once my news goes broader! :)
Go with the sperm bank. You can do either anonymous or open sperm donor, you get more medical history then you would in the bar. CA Cryobank will keep you up to date with the donors medical history if you tell them you had a child and more. There is no legal issues, and it is safer, since you know they went through all sorts of tests etc. Good luck and keep us posted.
The most important thing to remember is that you should do what "you" want to do and what makes "you" happy. It is your decision what to do with your life/body and not your sister's. Do not feel compelled to give her an answer to suit her. This is about you and you only, please do keep that in mind. I agree with AnissaS completely ! The sperm bank is the safest way to have a baby. I would be appalled if someone suggested to just randomly pick someone up in a bar, especially with all the different diseases out there, not only putting your health at risk, but look at the legal issues as well! with a sperm bank you dont have to worry about that.. I would not get into a discussion regarding this regardless if she is texting you now.. its "your" life and you need to surround yourself with positive and supportive people (family or not) hope this helps you ! :)
I appreciate all of the advice. I think you're right, if it comes up again I'll explain that there is all kinds of information provided. If that doesn't stop it I'll just ignore her. It really is wonderful having you all for support!
support !..you'll be fine, don't worry about it :)
Yes, it's definitely cheaper to go to a bar and pick someone up, but to be honest with you, I think that's pretty gross.. And I've had a few one night stands.
You don't have to explain your choice to anyone, but if you break it down to them, and explain how they select the donors, how they supply you with as much info as possible, I'd think they'd understand..
I had my daughter in February, and I haven't had many questions, nor did, about my choice.. Except for the fact that my grandmother always says things about Dad 0000.. I've told her to knock it off several times.
Anywho.. I'm happy with my decision. If someone has a contradicting opinion Ill tell them where to go. The only ones who have asked questions are my family and my daughters pediatrician.
As Aunt Nic says I have more medical history than you can imagine from a random person or even a guy I know. Good luck in your decision.
I was hurt but calmly explained to my sister that I was not asking her to agree with my choices or for her permission - I was asking for her to support me because she loves me. And if she could not do that then she isn't welcome in my life. I also made it very clear that my relationship with her children was NOT changing. I still saw them almost everyday - I simply did not give my sister any personal details into my life---we only talked about her children.
After a few months my sister missed me enough to apologize - not or her opinion but because she was out of line. You have to set the boundaries - people will respect you for it- also setting a boundary does not men starting a war!
Today my sister and i still don't really talk abt my attempts to get pregnant but I have realized it is not because of any shame on my part but because of a lot of guilt she caries from her own choices in becoming a mother - (she tricked her husband into conceiving their first child)
If people can't support you - that's their failing not yours! Loving people when they disappoint you is vey hard - but you are a better person for it.
I did like you all suggested and explained that there are extensive medical histories and I can even see childhood pictures. Hopefully that's the end of that.
My family I live closest to is on board, friends too. I haven't told my grandma yet. I figured I'd wait until I'm pregnant because she's kind of confused a lot.
My brother's girlfriend hasn't said she has a problem with it but I'm sure it'll happen. She was trying to get me to sign up for christian mingle the other day. Lol.
Turk E. Baster! Lol!
Thank you everyone for your advice and stories. It's so great to have you all!