Encouragement Thread

rileyriley Posts: 44
in Single Mothers by Choice
I could use some encouragement, and I bet others can do. Would love to keep an active thread at the first page filled with good things about people becoming SMC or those who already did.

When I was 30, I was going to do it. I bought sperm from cryobank and had appointments, but people talked me into giving my love life more time. I promised myself I'd give myself until 32.

But at 32 I went through egg freezing instead since it was beginning to be proved by that point. I gave myself until 35.

At 34 I got into a Big Mistake marriage. It wasn't love. It was sort of like a business arrangement to raise a family together. But it was a mistake. Fake-Love without love breeds resentment. So that ended as quickly as it began.

Now I am 35. I am so ready. I have an appointment in a few weeks. I bought 5 vials last night. I know two successful women who each have 2 kids conceived with a donor. Both are so sure it was right and wish they did it younger. I get so sure. And I convince myself that I'm not giving up on love. In 2 years I could be 37 with a toddler - and it's not like there aren't second marriages and blended families. I live in NYC and there are social groups for single parents. And doesn't having a kid also open you up to meeting lots of new people? Don't get me wrong, want a baby for a baby. But I also try to swat away the feelings that I'll never have a life partner. And just when I get convinced, some skeptic throws me for a loop and says that having a kid on my own will destroy my life and that I'm still plenty young and attractive (bah!) to do it all the traditional way. And then the doubts creep in. I have read all the books, joined all the SMC stuff ... been planning this for FIVE YEARS - and still just one skeptical comment can have me in self doubt again. I have found this board to be very encouraging. Let's have a real encouragement thread to counter the skeptics and the self doubt. Just hearing from others struggling with the same doubts and from people who did it and never looked back - it helps. I know there's encouragement in so many threads - but maybe just encouragement-of-the-day type posts ... People posting luck in dating post baby or how happy they are to be pregnant or holding their baby as a single mom .... let's get lots of good stuff in this thread. (sorry such a long intro).

Comments

  • Hunting for babyHunting for baby Posts: 26
    Don't let others determine your future. If this is what you want, go for it. I have had my first IUI earlier this month and got a BFN. I did not have the guts to do this until I was 41...and it scares me because you never know when it will be to late. So I say got for it! You need to create the life you want for your future...if that includes kids, why wait! Good Luck!
  • KNCKNC Posts: 20
    Oh my gosh, your story SO sounds like mine! My game plan was if I didn't meet my Mr. Right by 35, which turned into 37, due to the same fears and concerns. Then I met a man I fell deeply in love with, and we were going strong... Until his child from a previous relationship got pregnant at 17. He decided that he didn't want to have kids since he was going to be a grandpa. It took us a long time to get over that issue, lots of hard work and we got engaged and proceeded to try to have a child and not to wait, since it was now four years later and I was 42. The day that I got my period and found out that our IUI did't work, he informed me that his daughter was, in fact, pregnant again. She had gotten back sit the baby's father two months before and was now 20, so he had a noter baby to support with her... She couldn't support the first one on her own. Fast forward to now... 2nd grandchild is here, and 40 days before the wedding he backs out. So after going through he'll and sating for him for four and a half years, I was still single and childless. It took me five months to get my heart and head straight and I decided to finally go for it even if it meant doing it on my own. Odds are tough since I am now 43 and have never had a child. Had my third IUI, second since he left, and waiting for the results. PLEASE, take my advice, which I Lso tell my girl friends... DO NOT WAIT. It is too important to put off even wle you wait for the right guy. It is exponentially harder the older you get... Those scary statistics have weight behind them. GO FOR IT now! Forget what anybody else thinks and know that if you didn't try, you would always regret not doing it. Please don't make the same mistake I did and wait on a guy. Thank God we have options in this day and age! There is no guarantee that even if you found a great guy that he would want a child or that you would have the marriage of your dreams. I say, go for it and don't look back! Baby dust to all of you and the best of luck... I hope that we will all beat the odds and have at least part of our dreams fulfilled! Do what you can to make it happen!
  • Ang3210Ang3210 Posts: 21
    Hello ladies!
    Similarly, I am 35 and divorced. After waiting to meet mister right for 7 years I decided now it’s as good a time as any and I don’t care what the naysayers of doom have to say about it. I decided when I turned 30 that I would become a single mother by choice if I was still single by age 32, which then got pushed back to 33, 34 and then 35. I gave up at 35 for a couple of months until my OBGYN empowered me to go the donor route, which I had never considered. I will be doing my first (and hopefully only) IUI sometime next week with donor 12061. I have a stable career; I am also pursuing my master’s degree and hoping to buy a house in the next six months (crazy, I know!) so I am more than capable of taking care of a child alone. My life will always feel empty without the love of a child… I can’t wait to hold my baby in my arms and tell him/her how long I’ve waited for them and much I love him/her. Ladies, let’s stay positive and visualize ourselves with our precious little bundles of joy, the mind is a powerful creating tool, let’s put it to work and let’s not allow our fears to interfere.
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