I Need to Hear from Those Who Weren't Given Much Hope

BabyJazzBabyJazz Posts: 24
in Single Mothers by Choice
I am 38 years old. I always knew I wanted kids. I didnt put my career ahead of having kids. I just kept holding out to meet the right man to have kids with. It was not easy, but I finally let go of that idea...only it may be too late for me. I got the results of my basal follicle count, FSH, Clomid Challenge, and AMH today. I went in with a long list of questions about my chances of still possibly conceiving the natural way, IUI, how many cycles with or without drugs, sperm banks, costs, local support groups (getting in touch with other single moms in the making), etc... NEVER, EVER did I expect to hear that even with in vitro, the chances of me having a child with my own eggs is less than 5%. I thought I had gotten over the absolute hardest part of this journey by letting go of the husband first idea and becoming comfortable with my decision financially. This has hit me like a ton of bricks. I am all for the use of an egg donor and adoption. I just never thought those would be my best options. It also took a while to be okay with the idea of not knowing the father. The idea of looking at that child and seeing me helped. Now, that's pretty much being taken away from me. Have some of you been told this but beat the odds anyway? My doctor said he would do whatever I want him to do...Several cycles of IUI, In Vitro with my own eggs (if any can be extracted). In so many words, he said anything is possible, but he was being real wtih me. My total BAFC was around 7. My FSH and Clomid Challenge were 17.3 and 6.3. My AMH was 0.2. He says the AMH pretty much confirms the high FSH. This is so very hard. Everyone assumed I would be fine. Me, being such the picture of health. I can blame no one. If I blame anyone, I can only blame myself. Still, I would love to go out and WHACK just about every ex-boyfriend I wasted precious time with. Someone out there...give me hope. Tell me your outlook was as bleak as mine but that you still had a successful pregnancy with your own eggs.

Comments

  • baby67890baby67890 Posts: 156
    Hello I have very inspiring story my mother went through many years of struggling with infertility she tried for 9years being unsuccessful with IVF, and other treatments. So her next option was to adopt a child my older sister which left her financially unable to continue with IVF, but God had a precious gift for her anyway she end up being able to carry a child to term and give birth to healthily baby girl that weighted 6 ponds and 7oz at 8:40pm on June 27, 1985 that baby was me. So to everyone do not give up I know it sometimes I gets hard but trust me I know the pain of not having a child but there’s always a way for your dream to come true
  • ualtiggerualtigger Posts: 589
    Going to recommend a book that may help you: Making Babies by Dr. Sami S. David (RE) and Jill Blakeway (Chinese Medicine). Read it... it tells you what could be causing you to have the problems that you're having and how the combined efforts could help you.

    Don't give up yet... take a deep breath and start learning about yourself... that's what I've done... and I'm still trying. Sami had a patient with a FSH of 100... yes I said ONE HUNDRED... and after some simple medical tests and getting her hormones back in order, she went on to get pregnant... it's on page 218 of the book.
  • abbo3582abbo3582 Posts: 11
    I am over forty and have been trying since september to have a baby.. it is a personal struggle and worry between costs and FSH test and the little costs of OP Testkits and the stress of it all.. but I tell you the truth that it is very real possibility to conceive a child as I know look at my two sleeping both of whom were conceived after I was 38, with little hope of success - but they are here and all the more joy of my heart for the time it took to get them. It took a little time, and I suggest a lot of positive thinking - and that book sounds interesting as well.

    hope this helps..
  • pinkcloudpinkcloud Posts: 23
    Hello Baby Jazz,

    Three years ago my FSH was 18. Now it is 21. I got pregnant this summer - totally unexpected with a relatively new boyriend. Unfortunately there was no heart beat at the 8 week ultrasound. BUT, the doctors tell me it was great news I got pregnant so easily and quickly and that I should keep trying. It is possible - they just can't know the quality of every single egg. But we high FSH gals have lower success rates. Look into the supplement DHEA - my dr. recommended it. And acupuncture. My acupuncturist tell me he can lower my FSH. We'll see... I'm on second IUI this month and just waiting patiently to ovulate over here!!!
  • DrADrA Posts: 50
    Good morning,

    Its all about your Faith! Sometimes lab makes mistake and sometimes their results are subectives. I am great believer that 2011 will be a fertile year for all of us. I am 41 and going to try my first IUI next month. Wishing everyone fertile, healthy and happy year! Sending you all some sun waves from the sunshine state!
  • jaydonsmomjaydonsmom Posts: 62
    Dr.A you're absolutely right!!!! It's all about your faith. Every step of the way God has been answering my prayers. I have my first insemination tomorrow morning, followed by another insemination Saturday morning. I met a 41 year old woman who got pregnant without even trying. It happened in one try. The nurse at my RE's office is 43 and months pregnant via IUI. My friend got pregnant at 41. My friend's sister got pregnant at 40. My best friend just had twins. She was 39. My point is it is happening all around us. I look at these women and it gives me hope that if it happened for them, it can happen for me!! I'm in Florida too!!
  • DrADrA Posts: 50
    Jay good morning!
    Good luck today and tomorrow!! I know that this year is our year....Where is Fl? Stay in touch> Gooooooooooooood Luck!!
  • jaydonsmomjaydonsmom Posts: 62
    Thanks Dr.A. I totally agree. This year is our year! My mother says it has happened. She's prayed about it and it's done. Sooooo, I'm taking the same faith she has in running with it!!!!

    This morning was so easy. No pain, no nothing. It took less than a minute for the procedure. Wow!!! I had a little slight cramping when I got up to leave but it wasn't painful. Now, I don't feel anything really. My mom was there with me this morning. It was really cool. I'm sure not too many kids can say their grandma was present when they were conceived. LOL!


    I'm in West Palm Beach. Where are you?
  • DrADrA Posts: 50
    Jay good morning,
    How do you feel? I hope to hear good news!!
    I am just south of you...which RE do you go to?
    A
  • UnknownUnknown
    I'm feeling feel really good! Put my feet up all weekend and just relaxed. The insemination went just as well on Saturday too. I've just started my two-week wait. My RE is IVF Florida in Margate.
  • UnknownUnknown
    By the way DrA cmgentryb and jaydonsmom are the same person. Long story as to why I have two logins! :-)
  • DrADrA Posts: 50
    Wonderful...its getting better-we share the same facility!! Tell me more about their weekend operation (mine will happen during the weekend too and I will have to work after)-who did your IUI, how long did you have to wait for their prep? share share share...
  • UnknownUnknown
    Wow! That's so cool. They are only open for a few hours in the morning on the weekends. When you first get there, you check in. And you have to wait like 30 to 45 minutes for them to thaw your sperm sample. They will not thaw the sample until you get there.

    When you go back for your IUI, the nurse will tell you the counts and let you see the vial from CCB with the number on it. You sign a form saying that you verified it. Now, they tell you the sperm count, but it doesn't mention motility percentage. Laura said the count they give you is all good moving sperm. So they don't do motility percentages. Could be that because my guy was 17 mill each day, there was no need to do percentages. Maybe they would do motility percentages if the count was too low.

    On Friday, Lana did my IUI. She was nice. But I didn't really connect with her. She seemed really busy and like I was bothering her with all of my questions.

    On Saturday, I had Laura. I specifically requested Laura. She didn't work on Friday. So, that's why I didn't request her on Friday. But she is patient and will happily answer all of your questions, no matter how stupid. I must admit I've had a lot of questions and have spoken with her a few times before my IUI. I think I connected with her before my IUI just because I'd spoken with her so many times before

    Don't get me wrong, Lana was nice. But Laura was the best!!!!

    All in all IVF Florida is a wonderful practice. I love it there.
  • DrADrA Posts: 50
    Yes, we are using a great group. Let's meet! How can I contact you?
  • jaydonsmomjaydonsmom Posts: 62
    Yes, Dr. A., let's meet!! That would be so cool! You can email me at cmgentryb@yahoo.com.
  • MGALBNMGALBN Posts: 325
    That is awesome you guys are going to the same place! I wish I could get a blow by blow like that from someone slightly ahead of me in the same office! Oh and LOL @grandma was present when they were conceived!!!
  • jaydonsmomjaydonsmom Posts: 62
    Hi MGALBN,

    It really is nice having someone in the same practice, going through the same thing, at the exact same time. We can compare notes and everything!!

    It's wonderful. Yeah, the grandma at conception thing is really funny right!! I don't know how I'm gonna explain this to my child without bursting into uncontrollable laughter!!! :-)
  • misskrismisskris Posts: 44
    Hi there.. well you sound just like me. I am in my late 30s too and I have wasted so much time on Match, and trying to find Mr Right. I honestly feel like writing a book about all of the losers Ive dated and making money off of it, and using it to get pregnant! I am a lost cause when it comes to dating it seems. I am too honest, not a love addict, not needy, too independent, and no guy here in AZ wants a woman over 30 with a mind of her own. I havent had alot of long relationships so the oppurtunity to conceive hasnt really been there for me. I have been too nervous about being a single mom and I have struggled a little financially the last few yrs but things are going well for me finally. I am also TTC and I am having issues with Ovulation and it's frustrating. My FSH is 10 and my RE doesnt see any issues but Im trying to conceive naturally before I go forward to IUI. Ihave been on Femara since day 3 and I am expecting a positive OPK here. I am working alot and this may be effecting my cycles but I need to save $$ for obvious reasons. I really dont have any aspiring stories right now but I have heard so many women conceiving naturally when the odds were low. Sometimes FSH and AMH is just a number. Also, I am looking into international adoption too, and other options. I may also be able to adopt thru the foster care system. I am looking into all avenues. Good luck to you and keep us posted!
  • JaimeMJaimeM Posts: 9
    Hi Jaydonsmom and Dr. A

    I am in S. Florida as well.

    I went to IVF of Florida 2 yrs ago when I was in my relationship. We were planning a baby together and given my age I wanted to get all checked out so I chose IVF of FL. However, little known to me, my deceptive ex had other things in mind and cheated... so no baby plans. However, I have now decided to do it on my own (at age 40).

    I changed from IVF of FL to Palm Beach (Dr. Denker) only because I know I will be reminded of my ex if I go to IVF again.

    I had my first appt with him two days ago. He did an US and showed me an egg ... told me looks like Im ovulating a bit early. He ordered all the typical tests, so I will do those upon the next cycle. I am here looking for a donor.

    This whole process is exciting and strange (picking sperm from a catelog) at the same time - LOL.

    Sooooo just wanted to say hello to the S. FL ladies and wish you the best. I can't wait until I am at the stage (insemination) that you all are.
    xoxoxoxo
    Regards!!
  • jaydonsmomjaydonsmom Posts: 62
    Hi JamieM. I'm sorry to hear about your ex. I am praying for you. I want us all to have happy, healthy babies real, real soon!! ;-) Please keep in touch and if you want to email me, you can do so at cmgentryb@yahoo.com.
  • mizromizro Posts: 5
    God Bless you for starting this thread. I have been lurking on this site for months now and this will be mu first post! After reading your story as well as the responses from the other ladies, I felt the need to share also. I too believe 2011 is the year for many of us. I am currenlty 40 years old turning 41 next week (scream! lol). I am not in a relationship and always thought God would send that "special one". Now that I am gettinga little older, I am no longer caught up in the man idea. If he comes, he comes but the baby making has a time period. I had 2 IUI's last year and am getting ready to do my third next month. I am not on any medication and will discuss that with my doctor after the IUI if need be. I am working on my health(I have some weight to loose) making sure that I am healthy and mentally prepared. Not too many of my family and friends are aware that I am doing this. Not that they would have an issue/comment about it (I am always asked when I am going to have a baby), I think many would be happy for me but at this time I really want to focus on the positive me and not anyone else's opinions. My biggest cheerleader is my dad! He has been encouraging me and has been a great support. I have told a few friends and they have also been supportive. I am so thankful to see so many women who are spiritual and God fearing and continue to believe that He has the final word! God has not closed this door and until He says for me to stop trying, I will continue on. He has given me favor because I am not wealthy but He has sustained me. My bills are paid, roof over my head and food in the refrigerator. I say all of this to say Keep up the Faith! Keep believing! This site has such a wonderful support group. Thank you for allowing me to read your stories for they have encouraged me and hope that mine will encourage others as well. God bless and Baby dust to all!
  • jaydonsmomjaydonsmom Posts: 62
    Mizro,

    I love your attitude and your faith!! It will take you through the process with flying colors!!!! And yes, 2011 is our year!
  • Sunshyne2010Sunshyne2010 Posts: 91
    Mizro,
    I'm glad that you have finally decided to post you gave great inspiration and support so Thank You. I too am God fearing and I believe that He has a plan for all of us. I found this quote from the bible and I think it can help us all.

    "Have faith in God," Jesus answered. "I tell you the truth, if anyone says to this mountain, 'Go, throw yourself into the sea,' and does not doubt in his heart but believes that what he says will happen, it will be done for him. Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours."
    - Mark 11:22-24
  • mizromizro Posts: 5
    Awww thank you. It's ALL God! The both of you have the same attitude and faith. I love the scripture. I need to post that somewhere near.
  • teachertracysteachertracys Posts: 43
    thx sunshyne- i love the scripture too! i am going to type it up and hang it everywhere. love it!
  • Sunshyne2010Sunshyne2010 Posts: 91
    Glad everyone likes it! :) :) :)
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