For the married women with husbands
Pamela Marie
Posts: 39
I'm a little curious about the women who are married who come here, cause not all women who go to sperm banks are single moms or same sex couples. For the married ones with a husband, why did you decide using donor sperm from a sperm bank? Does your husband have varicocele, testicular injury, has no sperm count, or has had a hysterectomy? Thanks.
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My husband and I decided to use a donor because he has very low motility, probably due to a bad case of the mumps when he was little. I REALLY don't want to adopt a child because I personally have known not just one but TWO families who adopted babies and then YEARS later the biological parents changed their minds and the Florida courts took the kids away from their adoptive homes and gave them back to the biological parents. There is NO WAY I'd be able to handle that. Plus, I feel like I'd never really be able to truly love that child as much as I love my own daughter, and NO child deserves to be placed in a home where they will feel second-best. It would not be fair, and I don't want to do that to anybody.
We decided on the anonymous donor sperm because it's been quality-checked and it saves us the awkward conversation with our single male friends..."We REALLY like you...can you turkey baste my wife?" Haha.
omesaara, thanks for the laugh...good one :)
We tried well timed sex for about 18 months without anything. Since I was over 30 I started to worry, and we both went for testing. Test after test showed that my husband had a low sperm count and poor motility. This was really frustrating because he is 5 years younger than me, and in good health. It seems that doctors don't know squat about fixing this issue if it doesn't include a defect of the tubing or anatomy. We had been told to have more sex, less sex, he took special vitamins, changed our diets, but none of it worked. We tried 3 cycles of medicated IUI, and 1 cycle of IVF with ICSI (basically they force the sperm and egg together) but that failed too. After all of that we just got to the conclusion that we wanted to experience having a baby, and being pregnant together. I haven't ruled out adoption, but I want to try to give birth to at least one child. We also thought that asking for sperm was really awkward, and would not be the best option. Renee
Sorry to hear of your failed attempts, it must be frustrating trying over and over and having it not working. I hope it works out it with your husband´s sperm, if not you can do what feels right for both of you- that being through sperm donor or adoption. Good luck!
The more we thought about it, though, the more we thought this was probably the best option. There are some questionable health issues in his family, and out of his 3 brothers, the ONLY one who was able to have his own biological children was his younger brother, and HE ended up with 2 SEVERELY autistic kids...so there might be an issue with the DNA, we think. His older brother adopted his son, and my husband never had his own kids.
Hopefully we can change that...here's hoping #11116 works for us this time!!!
I feel for you about the expenses. I live in NYS, and my doctor applied for grant money that came out of the smoking taxes a few years back. What this meant for me was that we could afford IVF at about $4,000 instead of the $12,000 ish it was supposed to cost with ICSI. I wish I had known then what I know now about my husband's swimmers, and invested in a donor then. Given that it appears to be male based infertility my new doctor basically said that I would have had about a 60% chance of already being pregnant with good swimmers and ivf. The program only covers one try though. I am nearing the end of my 2ww on Thursday. Here is hoping AF doesn't come and ruin it.
We've done three unmedicated IUI's. We did two day inseminations with the first two and were unsuccessful. Our third IUI was a one day, and we did get pregnant, however I had a miscarriage at roughly 9 weeks.
In a few weeks I have an appointment at a new fertility clinic and will hopefully start another cycle soon after that appointment!
Good luck to all of you!
To make matters worse I am going through Kaiser for fertility, so as it appears and the process just for having the testing, it might be next year before I have first round of IUI.
We had discussed doing donor sperm 3 years ago.
I did an anonymous donor egg cycle to find out how I would respond to the meds, to help someone else conceive, but also to help fund my own IVF cycle. Later in the year, my insurance changed and to my surprise, altough the new plan had higher out of pocket costs, it covered infertility stuff...including 3 IVF attempts per lifetime. 6 rounds of IVF later (well, 3 retrievals and 3 others that I didn't produce enough follicles....with sperm aspirated with epidydimal sperm aspiration...nothing!!
They told me during the donor cycle 3 years ago (I was 28 at the time) that I needed to do the IVF sooner rather than later, bc they only retrieved 7 follicles during that attempt. About 1 year later I go in for my first IVF cycle and much to my demise, I only got 3 follicles, 2 mature, 1 fertilized. We tried just about EVERY approach in the book.
I can't recall all of the details of my IVF cycles. I've contacted my old RE to get a copy of my records to use at the new REs office.
So, it appeared as though my fiance's aspirated sperm and/or my "40 year old ovaries" (quoting the RE on that one) were causing some problems.
We decided to try a vasectomy reversal that failed, and now we are back to donor sperm.
I want to try 2 rounds of IUI with my own eggs before considering other options.
At this point I will have my first IUI in October or November.
If these attempts don't work, my last resort is donor eggs with donor sperm, or donor embryo. I'm thinking donor embryo....really doesn't make a HUGE difference if I have to use donor eggs with donor embryos....although I still have a vial of my fiance's juice on ice at the old RE's office. It is just that donor eggs don't come cheap.
LONG story short, my story was a little backwards from most. Usually you hear about women having multiple failed IUI/ICI before proceeding to IVF. I've worked in the opposite direction for obvious reasons.
Hope this helped!
If you have any questions, post your email and I would be more than happy to answer any questions you (or anyone else might have).
Once I get back my blood work results I can provide more details of the IVF cycles.
They called me a "poor responder". I was on 600 units daily and still only 1-3 follies.
Missmam, try not to be nervous that everyone will know you used a donor. Most people are clueless about this option unless they go through it. My guess is people are going to look for ways that your baby looks like you and your husband. If someone says that the baby has your husbands nose you can say, "You think!? Thanks." If somone comments that the baby does not look like either of you (which I doubt they will) just say somthing like, "I have no idea where he/she got those big, beautiful eyes!" Trying to get pregnant can be hard so try your best to not worry about the things you cannot control.
Our baby is due at the end of Febuary. I have just started to feel the baby kick, which is amazing. Trust me, using a sperm donor will be the furthest thing from your mind when you watch your hunsband fold tiny baby clothes, or when your husband kisses your belly and says "Daddy loves you baby," or when your husband shares his hopes and dreams for your child. Best of luck to everyone else.
I admit that I too am concerned about people noticing the child doesn't look like me or my husband. But you're right - once the baby makes his/her appearance after so many years of infertility - no one will care. All that matters is that the baby is healthy and everyone will just be so happy for all of you!
I should never had worried. When our daughter was born it was the most incredible moment of both of our lives. She was beautiful and looked like an even blend of my and my DH. We get people saying how much she looks like him all the time. He loves her more than anything. In fact, she is 1 year old and he can't even leave the room without her following him and getting upset. She crawls into his lap and lays her little head on his shoulder and smiles...it is amazing. He gets teary eyed when he talks about her and he says on a weekly basis how glad that this is the daughter he was blessed with. He said even if he had an option to have biological children he would never have it any other way. I am currently pregnant with twins by this donor and this pregnancy is so much more mellow. I do not have the same worries anymore.