Possibly going to be a single mother by choice... help!
Holly32
Posts: 14
Hey guys! My name is Holly and I'm 32 years old. I have PCOS and it seems to be causing me some issues. My ex husband and I tried to get pregnant for 2 years but to no avail. Being a mom is one of the most important things in the world to me. I am now single with no sign of Mr right and don't want to wait until I am 40 years old to start trying again. I'm currently seeing a specialist and looking into IUI using donor sperm. I'd like to talk to someone who has done this and hear about their experiences. How did your family take it? How do you explain all this to your child? How do you select a donor? I've chosen a few based on what the staff thinks they look like as far as actors are concerned but is that it? Someone please help?! I feel lost!
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I have 21 month old twins. I was 34 when I made the decision, for the same reason, no love interest in sight.
My family has been supportive since day 1. They had concerns of how I would raise a child by myself, childcare, money, what if I had problems during pregnancy, etc. There is never a perfect time to do it, just have to do it and things work themselves out!
When I made the decision i started keeping a journal. I wrote down the entire process of the journey that led me to my decision. I have 2 sons, I'm sure they don't want to hear all my dating details and fails. LOL. But they will one day. I also used an open donor, if they want to contact him one day they have the option.
I selected a donor based on certain characteristics. Someone who fit the description of who I usually date and also similar to me. Blonde hair, blue eyes. I narrowed it down to w and I went to dinner with a group of girlfriends with their profiles and childhood pictures and I let them vote. It was unanimous...and i chose him.
I was lucky and got pregnant on the first IUI.
We had a rought first year. My sons were born premature and one of them has had health problems. Spent half of his first year in the hospital. This is where the support of family and friends come in. My parents are a huge help and I couldn't do this without them.
And everyone completely forgets about how they were conceived once they are born.
I have been practicing the talk with them since I was pregnant. And I say all families are different. A family isn't who plays what role, but a family is love and you are loved. As far as father figures, they have my father and their godfathers.
I hope I've helped. You can ask me any questions. I'll be glad to answer them.
My parents are very supportive and once your child is born, you don't care the way he/she was conceived. If everything goes well, I'll try to give him a sibling this summer. LOL!
I got pregnant on my 3rd IUI. Two eggs fertilized. Around 7-8 weeks I lost one -they called it a vanishing twin. All my doctors - RE, regular OB and high-risk OB (for over 35) thought everything looked good with the second one. Unfortunately at 13 weeks I was given devastating news that my baby had chromosomal abnormalities and wouldn't make it. I had to have a d&e and I'm just heartbroken. It was a baby girl with donor 13866. The doctors did further testing and found it was just completely unlucky, random occurrence and that it was nothing caused by me or the donor. I'm awaiting my first period after d&e and have an appt with my RE tomorrow. They say you are very fertile after having just been pregnant. I have 3 vials left- had been saving them for a sibling. I am turning 37 next week and as long as my RE agrees I plan to try another IUI next month. My insurance doesn't cover anything with IUI or IVF, not even meds. So it has been a very emotionally, physically and financially draining process. I won't give up on my dream of becoming a mother so have to push through! I pray it works on the first round so I can still have vials left for future sibling as my donor is now sold out.
For those of you trying, if you haven't already I'd suggest getting your tubes flushed- it's uncomfortable but quick procedure and its supposedly very successful for next months cycle. Worked for me. Also try acupuncture- very true believer in its assistance in fertility not just for me but for several friends who had issues. Good luck and baby dust to us all!
Good luck. This is way harder than I thought. I figured I would try a few times and if it didn't work stop and accept it. But once I started I realized how badly I wanted it. I have had 7 failed IUIs and although it would be financially tough I am going for IVF so there are no regrets.
I had to switch donors part way through because he ran out of vials.
I used the essay to help but also nationality and health background. I waited until I found one that just felt right. It was overwhelming. I also chose an open donor which limits the choices but if this works I want my child to have the option one day of meeting the donor.
I am 38 with no known issues and praying IVF works. Good luck keep me posted.
My name is Heather and I have PCOS, but with a lot of help and support I am now only a few weeks away from delivering my baby boy. The best advice I can give to anyone is to keep trying. It took me 12 tries of IUI before I became pregnant. Also, have a very honest talk with your doctor about the odds and what your expectations should be going into this. My doctor warned me that it could take at least a year or more due to my PCOS, which actually helped me manage and deal with my disappointment when it didn't work. It was a long year of trying and has been a bit of a rocky pregnancy, including 7 weeks of bed rest for pre-term labor, but totally worth every moment. So good luck to any of you starting this journey, I wish you great success.
I feel so empowered for making this choice and everyone has been SO SUPPORTIVE! People of all ages, religions and world views. I have not met anyone who has made any negative comments (to my face).
When it's time for me to tell my son, I will tell him the truth. For better or worse, that is his story. He came from a place of love, and is being raised from a place of love.
I wish you all the best of luck!
I started with the RE in April and I am on meds since my ovaries are older than I am and the RE said there is a slim chance I will get pregnant but I am going to try and pray.
I wouldn't say I will be a single mother by choice, I pray for Mr. Right but he hasn't shown up. I hope everyone is able to conceive a healthy, beautiful baby and create their family.
What a great post!
I made this decision a few weeks ago, and after going through all the tests with my doctor (who is simply awesome), he told me, "guess what kid? You're average!" It was the best news I've ever heard. (I have just as good a chance as any woman my age) :)
I'm trying to make a final decision on a donor - unfortunately for me, I am a little limited in what I can use because of health factors, and I want an open donor, but I have narrowed it down to one donor here and one at another bank.
I place my order tomorrow and my first attempt will be soon! Wish me luck!
I'm also 41 and just started the process, and I live in Colorado. Would love to exchange e-mail addresses and share our journey here in high elevation as we work through this amazing experience. I'm hoping for August as my first IUI attempt and am going through CCRM for treatments. I'm still in the process of picking a donor, so much to consider!
I love reading all the additional blog posts - I'll be sure to share my progress here as well as the journey starts for me. Super helpful to her that buying one vile at a time is risky if you're set on a donor, so I'll buy multiples. Unfortunate that they only buy back un-used viles at 50%, but that's still a good insurance policy.
Sending good thoughts to those in the process - we all deserve to be happy mommies down the road given our journey!