Doubt/Full of emotions
ispies
Posts: 12
Let's face it most of us are doing this plan because we have not found that Mr. Right or maybe that is just me. I was all set with my plan on set and excited about it. But today well in the last few days I just have been so emotional and full of doubt and I am not even taking my hormones medicine yet just had the hystrosonagram. Does anyone else have this I am so full of emotions and just don't know what to do or where to turn. I am not trying to be negative on this board really I am not --- I just don't know who to talk to ????
Thank you for all listening
Thank you for all listening
0
Comments
There is a big difference between negativity and honesty- and being honest with yourself is important.
I used to worry that something was wrong with me because my emotions seemed so complicated- why wasn't I 100% gung ho excited like everyone else seemed to be? I think most of us are a little scared and a little sad because we are embarking on something HUGE and the process is sometimes lonely.
And hopefully it will take for you the first time, but if you are like most of us, it will take longer. My next try will be my 5th (first medicated) and I'm exhausted (I took this month off, and will start the new year fresh).
So the moral of the story? I want this. Mr. Right might pop up someday, and I'll be ready for him when he comes. My clock won't wait however. I'm a teacher, and a few years back I talked to a school parent about all this. She said to imagine I am old and gray. Will I look back on this time and regret not having a child when I still could? I knew the answer was yes, so here I am, fears and all. And I think I'll be a better parent because I have been as honest with myself as possible about how crazy, insane, and beautiful this all is.
Sorry. Long post, but I sooooo understand where you are right now. If you need to talk to someone else, try locating a Single Mothers By Choice chapter near you, or chat with a counselor (I'm thinking about doing that again myself). Or if you want, we can chat- let me know if you want to exchange emails. :-)
Good luck, hon.
THANK YOU SO MUCH!!! You don't know how that helped. I am as you said hoping that it will take on the first time but am realistic about it all if you know what I mean. Maybe it is because I am turning 35 in a day and so thought I would be somewhere else right now married and on and on ya know. But you are correct in 30 years if I look back I will wonder why I did not do it NOW!!!!! And if that person is Mr. Right then he will accept me with children too or else he is not Mr. Right.
Actually I am in counseling already because I have been in an abusive relationships in the past, and I have a son with special needs and well that is all stressful ya know. SO you don't know how much you helped and that is a great idea about the Single Mothers by Choice chapter
I'm starting to feel less and less optimistic about this working for me. I've had 3 unsuccessful IUIs with Clomid, one unsuccessful try with injectables and am on day 2 of the next round of injectables. I'm thinking my next IUI will be somewhere around Dec 22-24. So if there is a Santa, that's what I'm asking him for this year. Nothing else, just a BFP.
Where are you both in the process?
I wish you both the best of luck on this journey!!
ispies- glad it helped. I wish I had known that other people had those fears when I started out, too. A blog I like is Creating Motherhood. She is super honest about her situation. And she has a toddler now, so there's a happy ending. I started at the beginning and have been reading towards the present.
kaylababy- I am 35. I have told my family, a handful of friends, and a handful of my work friends, including my Kindergarten teaching team. I feel super supported, but it is hard for them to know where I am coming from sometimes.
I have had 4 unmedicated IUIs. This cycle I am moving on to Clomid. I wish I had started earlier with Clomid, but live and learn, right? I took this last month off, and am looking to start this round around the time you go in for your IUI. A good round is what I'm asking Santa for too. Pregnancy is my New Year's resolution. ;-)
Luck, luck, luck to all of us! Keep me posted ladies, and ispies, we're here if you need anything.
My sister is totally supportive, and since her and her husband spent 6 years trying to conceive, she's been through a lot of what I'm going through now with medication and IUIs. They had even tried IVF, but ended up conceiving on their own twice after all that.
Some of my friends don't really understand the pull to become a mother and how it outweighs the need to have a significant other first. But the people who really understand me are my family and having my own family is the biggest pull. I have an awesome family that any child would benefit from being a part of.
I was also incredibly excited when I first made this decision and now, a month later, I am filled with doubt. But I am trusting my first instinct.
How'd it go today?
Hang in there during the 2nd half of the 2WW.
For some reason, I am not comfortable telling people about conceiving through the sperm bank -- does anyone have that problem? What to do if I get pregnant when it starts showing, and there will be lots of questioning out there?
I understand your situation. I too have contemplated on what to tell people. ONLY my closest friends know about using a sperm donor. The rest know that I am dating and "think" that I am trying to get pregnant with that person. Not the case. He and I are not intimate...but that is not their business anyhow.
My close friend told me that there is no need to disclose your chose of method to get pregnant. It's personal, but if compeled to answer she suggests saying that the father is not involved. Heck their are millions of fathers that are not involved in their child's life. WE just have made a conscious effort to do this ourseleves.
I pray and wish you the best.
*pardon any typos* I'm too lazy to edit.
~GiftsofJoy
Telling people....I don't want to tell people that I've used a sperm bank but I also don't want people thinking I got knocked up by some guy. I'm very private so I don't want to say too much. I know I don't owe anyone except my family an explanation. If this last IUI works I'm going to need to come up with a good response that I'm comfortable with.
I also get a bit squeamish about coming out and saying that I "went to the bank for a deposit", but I'm getting better at it. I thought I was only going to tell a small group of folks before I got pregnant, but now that I am going on my 5th IUI, I've told quite a few people (I have a big mouth).
I've found that most people fill in the blanks for themselves. They know I'm single, and they know I have wanted a child forever, and have long thought about doing it alone if I had to. Most actually assume I'm using a donor. I have found that many people are curious about my journey, and are super supportive of all parts of my story.
Once I do get pregnant, I plan on just being forthcoming about everything in general. I was scared of people's opinions (aka judgement) at first, but I have been blessed with lots of understanding and love so far.
Everyone has a different level of personal privacy/ disclosure, for sure. Muza, if your trepidation comes partly from a fear on other people's opinions (like mine did), I say give them a shot. Hopefully most people won't be phased at all, and those that aren't on your side will be few and far between.
Sorry to spend so long up on my soapbox. It is definitely a tricky subject. Good luck however you choose to approach it!
Best of luck to everyone
H