Any thoughts?

tmbtmb Posts: 30
in Ask California Cryobank
Hi Scott,

I recently wrote the below post on the bulletin board Re: 11568. Do you have any comments?

Thanks



Hi Lexus,

I wasn't going to say anything about this but since you asked, here goes. You might think I'm crazy after this story I'm about to tell you.

We were concerned about this too. When I inquired about this I was told "he grew into them." When I inquired a little further, a wonderful staff member actually contacted him (he is no longer in the program)... Turns out he had his ears surgically pinned at age 7. He called them back right away and said he was so sorry he didn't put it on the form or even think of it as a surgery.

I was crushed...To say the least. He was my number one choice. I was happy with the story that he "grew into his ears." I was angry and wanted my money back (I didn't find out about this until after I purchased 12 vials). After looking at my other choices, talking it over with people, fretting about it...We decided to go with him anyway (that is the part you probably think I'm crazy for). The last thing I want is for my child to be teased. The last thing I want is to bring my child in for elective surgery and have something go wrong. You get the picture.

We came to the decision after a lot of thinking. I got a really good feeling about him. I like his audio. I like his essay. I like the fact that he called right away and plans to return to CCB and change his paperwork (he was very apologetic). I decided that I'd rather use someone that I really got a good vibe about than someone else who had a good baby photo but I didn't get a good vibe about. Also, one our other choices had a lot of family medical history. In the end, we realized, we'd rather have a healthy baby.

The truth is, it has made me doubt the honesty in all of these donors. They could be lying about anything, everything. I like to believe that he is being honest, but who knows.

If you'd like to discuss it further I'd be happy to discuss it with you.

Comments

  • cryo-admincryo-admin Posts: 4,547
    Hi tmb -

    I understand your concern. All I can tell you is that we screen our donors to the absolute best of our abilities.

    All the infectious disease and genetic testing are fact based. They do not rely on the donor. Believe me when I say that from a medical standpoint, you know more about your donor than any husband or wife knows about their spouse.

    In terms of the gentic interviews we do, it is possible for a donor to forget or choose not disclose certain information. We delve as deeply as we can, but there is no way to verify every piece of information is complete.

    He is a very attractive individual with a great profile. Our belief is that he genuinely forgot about the minor surgery. As you noted, he was very quick to apologize and come back in to update his Long Profile.

    I think you should be very happy with your donor choice and trust that you have done everything possible for the health and wellbeing of your future child.

    Good luck,

    Scott
    CCB
  • tmbtmb Posts: 30
    Hi Scott,

    I didn't expect to hear back from you on Sunday. Thanks so much...

    Thank you for your thoughts about this issue. It really helps to hear reassurance. It took me a couple of days to get past vanity (I still have second thoughts at times). I felt a connection with this donor, which is much stronger than vanity. Can you send me an updated Long Profile? I got one as part of the donor matching service, but don't have the updated version. Can you send me the changed information? I think you have my direct e-mail address, right? If not, maybe I can call you and give it to you directly.

    This might seem crazy, but I hope he doesn't feel bad about the whole situation.

    Thanks again,
    tmb
  • cryo-admincryo-admin Posts: 4,547
    Hi tmb -

    I am happy to send you the profile once it is updated. I have to check with the Genetics Department to find out when it will be ready. Please do me a favor and email me directly at sbrown@cryobank.com with the request.

    Forget about the whole "vanity" thing. Wanting the best for your child is perfectly natural. You know the donor is healthy, happy, well-adjusted, educated, etc. Why wouldn't it matter to you what he looks like?

    I have never met him, but from all the pictures I have seen and everything the donor coordinators tell me, he is a very good looking guy. You should rest assured that you are not making any kind of mistake. I'm sure the second you see your baby you will find it impossible to have ever had a second thought.

    Don't worry about the donor. As far as I know he was completely fine providing us with the update.


    Good luck,

    Scott
    CCB
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