Hello, all! My husband and I had been trying to conceive for a year until we discovered he has a zero sperm count due to having had cancer and chemo & radiation as a child. Just wondering if anyone else's S.O. has had a similar reason for infertility? Or of the people who read this, how many of their S.O. had gone through testing at a urologist or other doctor to see if they could fix the issue?? I am somewhat concerned over this and worried there may be something that can be done to get viable sperm from my husband but he does not want to wave carrots of false hope in front of us.
Hello. I have a similar situation in terms of zero sperm count. After a year of really trying my husband got tested and discovered due to a chromosomal abnormality that he doesn't produce enough sperm to detect in a semen analysis. The doctor said that we could get a biopsy to see if they could find some sperm cells in his testes. However, the doctor stressed that if they find sperm cells there's no guarantee that they will be of good enough quality to fertilize eggs with IVF and we would lose 20k from the IVF process. In addition, the biopsy would be painful. My husband decided that the emotional toll of first hoping they find cells, then hoping they fertilize, then hoping the embryos don't have another problem was just not worth it to him. He also decided it made no sense to spend all that money on a hope when we could have a pretty much guaranteed child for a fraction of the costs. 3 cycles of IUI is still cheaper than 1 IVF cycle plus I wouldn't need my body to go through the IVF process. The end result is a healthy baby and using donor sperm with IUI he gets to be a part of the entire process from conception. My husband came to this decision sooner than i did. I needed time to let go of my dream of having a biological child with my husband. To him the most important part of this whole process is that he has a child to love.
My husband had/has a zero sperm count as well. He also had chemo and radiation as a child. A few years ago we saw a urologist who specializes in male infertility. He was put on some prescription drugs and he created a sperm count, low enough that it was advised to have back up donor sperm on the day of IVF. He continued medication and we were told everything was good to go with IVF without the need for backup donor sperm. So we did IVF w/ ICSI, first try and had our daughter. Fast forward to now, none of the same medication and different medications are working so we are looking for donor sperm for our second child.
My husband has zero sperm count. Doctors think it may be some biological reason and ruled out obstruction. The chances of them finding sperm with a biopsy don’t seem promising. I’m having a hard time wrapping my head around putting him through the procedure, myself through IVF (my reproductive health is completely normal and in good condition), and the cost for a pretty much 0% chance we’d find sperm. We are likely going the donor sperm route. It is tough. I feel there aren’t enough heterosexual couples dealing with male factor infertility to help support one another. It would be somewhat comforting to connect with others going through the same thing.
Redd7985 I am just seeing your comment and would love to pick your brain! Not sure how to connect though. Now that I am pregnant with the help of donor sperm my husband would like to take the time to see if there's anything he can do for a potential 2nd child.
And I completely agree, it's hard to find resources for hetero couples needing donor sperm. I joined a group on BabyCenter but it's pretty quiet and many of the posters are single females wanting to have a baby on their own.
@MBNC1087 @Completefamily3 @Redd7985 We have a secret Facebook group and around National Infertility Awareness Week we had a few more heterosexual couples join and start a discussion to support each other. I'd be happy to invite you to the group if you have a Facebook account. Just shoot me an email and I can send you an invite: [email protected]
I would also recommend watching this video of Sarah & Chris. They are a heterosexual couple that shared their story with us. Sarah is also in our secret Facebook group and is a great resource.
Hello, my husband and are I are a couple in our late 20's grappling with male infertility, he has something called Klienfelters syndrome rendering him completely sterile. We made the tough decision to go through the route of a donor, like several of the husbands I read about in this forum, he came to this decision quicker than I did. I'm still struggling daily having to let go of our dream of biological children but I am trying to remain hopeful and in the end, we will hopefully end up parents to beautiful heaven sent an angel.
I am so glad to have come across this topic in the discussion boards.
I wish I could tell you the struggle will vanish eventually, and maybe it will, but for me it hasn't yet. I will tell you it gets better though! My husband explained it to me like this. Think of all the various situations couples may go through: women who were single mothers and meet a guy who marryies them and takes on the role of fathering a child that isn't biologically theirs but loving them all the same; divorced parents who re-marry and, again, love their step-kids and raise them. Our husbands will at least be there from day 1 of the baby's life, actually 9 months before, and help their conception come to fruition by helping to pick out the donor. It's still going to be difficult though. Over the weekend we went to a friend's wedding and there were a couple babies of new parents discussing physical traits the baby shared with both the mother and the father. That part definitely is still getting to me, knowing there won't be any physical traits to share with my husband. However, I'm sure this kid will pick up on his behaviors and other personality traits (which may be both good and bad!!!)
@Completefamily3 Hi - my husband’s infertility is also genetic. Although I knew this while dating and have had one IUI with a donor sperm (unsuccessful) this is still difficult.
I am so grateful to have read this thread. This is what I am going through and I have to say...its hard. Any update stories?
My husband and I have decided to choose donor sperm to make our dream of becoming parents a reality. Of some of you mentioned, he was quicker to accept this option than I was. It has been difficult for me, since I never thought that I would be here, when it comes to the conception of my child.
Can anyone speak to the experience of having had a donor conceived child and what that dynamic might be like for your family? How is your husband responding now? Have you decided to share this information with other family or has then been kept a secret? I would love to hear from you
@BlackWomanMagic Welcome! We're glad to have you!
Choosing to use a donor can be a very emotional and overwhelming process. Psychologists that specialize in donor conception advocate being open with your child as to how they were conceived for a number of reasons. The love that you and your husband have for your future child is part of that conception. Over the years, our clients have given us some recommendations for books that they found helpful: https://www.cryobank.com/learning-center/bookstore-listings/
Something I often hear from couples that have a donor-conceived child, is that they didn't realize how much nature vs nurture plays a role. Their child may walk like dad, talk like dad, have the same expressions, habits, or hobbies, and strangers will even comment how the child looks like dad. When people see you together, they will see a family. It might be hard to view it that way right now.
If you haven't watched it already, I would recommend watching the family story of Sarah & Chris: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mUuEHS8Xoqo
I hope you hear back from some couples that share their experience.
We also have a secret Facebook group where we've had some insightful conversations from couples navigating infertility and using a sperm donor. If you're interested in joining, just email me and I can send you an invite: [email protected]
Also, National Infertility Awareness Week is coming up (April 19 -25) and there will be some great conversations and resources that will be popping up on social media: https://infertilityawareness.org/
We look forward to helping you and your husband on this journey. Please don't hesitate to reach out to us.
We had our donor conceived baby boy last Thanksgiving, he's 4 1/2 months now! We told our parents once we learned we would need to use alternative means to get pregnant. I knew I didn't want to keep this a secret and tell everyone but I didn't tell my brothers and sister in laws til my son was 2 months just because I couldn't find a "right" moment which seems silly now. My sister in laws had thought I was pranking them but after just had questions about the process. When my son was born I was really hoping he would look like me vs the donor and all I saw was the donor pics for the 1st month. But now everyone says he looks like my brother as a baby :P some people said he looked like my husband and he just kind of thinks it's funny when that happens. But he loves him a lot and has been great throughout selecting the donor, pregnancy, and now actually being a father.
Hello! My husband and I had a son in February 2022 via sperm donor. Tried to get pregnant. No luck. Semen analysis showed zero sperm count.
Karyotype showed XXY. Klinefelter’s syndrome. We haven’t found many couples who share our experience or similar.