Choosing a donor...

DutchTulipDutchTulip Posts: 24
in Single Mothers by Choice
Hi! I'm 38 (and a half!) and am planning my first IUI for the fall. In the process of choosing a donor (open donor, California Cryobank)...not easy as I've always been picky choosing the men I was with and I find it particularly difficult to 'just' pick someone's father without knowing specific personality traits, etc.

Anyone else has had some difficulty with choosing a donor?

Comments

  • MistyandCarlaMistyandCarla Posts: 720
    Yes, it was a very long process...we looked for charateristics that we wanted and then it was just going over all the other information (family history, drug use, etc) and using the process of elimination.

    Good luck and welcome to the boards!
  • vegaschicvegaschic Posts: 37
    I'm having such a hard time too!

    I have a 21 month old son, who came from a very GQ, handsome, sexy, cute guy... (tall, dark, handsom, caucasian) just wanted to be able to match him with a really good looking donor... I'm really wanting to find a donor, who I would want to get intimate with if I saw him in the flesh, ya know?

    stacy@vegaschic.com
  • roaryroary Posts: 2
    I'm having a hard time choosing a donor because i don't really understand the concept of light olive skin or the celebrity look alike. especially if you look at the keanu reeves look alike on the ad who looks nothing like keanu reeves (except that they both share asian eyes i guess). i wish they had silhouettes and older than infancy pics. its confusing. my donor is smart, tall and according to the staff "very attractive". but, i also want a match to the child i have. i've picked my donor because of his characteristics. he looks like a celebrity i don't find (unlike everyone else) attractive particularly. but, the staff says he is "exceptionally attractive" i am so confused.
  • tjmoorstjmoors Posts: 151
    roary,

    It took me over 3 months until I finally settled on a donor, only to exchange him for another one 3 weeks later! The choosing process can be overwhelming, and I even looked at Fairfax because they do have an option of having adult photos of some donors. I know my next child will probably not look like my son 100%, but they will both share my gene and that is good enough for me. I just want a healthy baby and cannot wait until it is time! I hope you will be able to find the perfect match for you and feel free to let me know if there are any donors you are interested in because I may have their information and would be more than happy to share it with you :)
  • baby67890baby67890 Posts: 156
    me to ia m having Trouble too I am trying to decide between an Asian donor or a Caucasian donor. Because I usually date Caucasian guys and no one would think anything about the child being mixed race except a few people in my family. But I like the look of Asian guys. However I am not shore how my family would feel about a half Asian in the family Who should be my baby’s daddy!?
  • ArkmomArkmom Posts: 92
    I wouldn't give a lot of weight to the so called celebrety look alikes. I'd feel more like they contained some useful information if they said things like "he has Harrison Ford's jaw line and Brad Pitt's cheak bones", then at least you would be able to get something of a composite picture. Thankfully, I wasn't trying to match anyone in particular, so I chose mostly on the essay, audio interview and health history.
  • rhenry7715rhenry7715 Posts: 37
    Hi there - from what i gather in my email correspondence with various people at CCB, Arkmom is right, they are really referring to certain traits of a celebrity not necessarily the whole look. The problem is they don't say so and don't elaborate in a way that would be more descriptive and helpful e.g. as Arkmom says, has brad pitt's cheek bones or Bjorn Borg's athletic body or whatever. SO, you are left to guess at what it might be. Frankly, I wouldn't put much stock in it other than as one more data point to consider in the overall process of making your decision.
  • sbrewstersbrewster Posts: 1
    I am in the process of selecting a donor. This has been one of the most frustrating components of this process. I thought the best way to start for me would be to find a photo of a person and send it in to be matched. I chose a Hollywood actor that I thought was really handsome. I paid the 345.00 fee. I received 14 donors back. I viewed them all and matched them with the look-a-like photo that was on line for them and none of the slections looked like my photo. I was a little disappointed. Not being able to see photos and just going off the staff impressions or the information cotained in the catlogues is scary for me. I am looking for the GQ handsome guy, as I am sure we all are. If anyone can recommend a donor that you used that created a beautiful baby for you, please send the donor number my way. Of the 14 donors- there were 3 that got a attractiveness rating of 8-- (11463, 3820, 2503) If anyone used those donors could you let me know. I would really appreciate it.
  • samsmomsamsmom Posts: 47
    Sbrewster,

    Choosing a donor is hard, but genetics are a funny thing. My daughter may look like me, her donor, my father's mother or the donor's mother's sister!

    For example, my donor is 6'4. His brothers' are 6'3 and 6'2. His father is 5'9 and his mother is 5'10. His mother's father is 6'2 and her mother is 5'5. His father's parents are both under 5'8. You just don't know what traits the baby will pick up.

    I went more by profile and medical history. Of course I used another facility and they don't tell you what they look like. They described him as attractive with boyish good looks-whatever that means.

    To be honest, after I became pregnant I was more curious about who she would look like, but, the thought of finally having my own child to love and share the world with far outweighed my curiousity.

    Like most of us, we made the best decision based on the information we had at the time.

    Good luck!
  • ArkmomArkmom Posts: 92
    sbrewster, no we are not all looking for the GQ handsom guy. Everyone has different values and standards. Health and intellegence were important to me. Since my standard for guys in "real life" is "not too ugly" and I figure CCB has higher standards than that to begin with, I never worried about looks beyond getting someone whose overall coloring looks like the rest of my family. Regardless of whether you are going by looks or any other genetic features you would like to see in your child, with a donor or a partner, you just have to roll the dice. Choosing a donor may feel like loline shopping, but it really, really isn't. It's not possible to have the baby you want. You have to want the baby you have. Don't worry, you will.
  • mlter329mlter329 Posts: 9
    I just made a "purchase" today of 11105. Anyone out there who used this donor Long process for me to decide....well over a year !
  • dschaffelddschaffeld Posts: 31
    Hello ladies. First, let me say that I really enjoy reading this website. Im in the early stages of my decision and hearing your stories really helps. I was wondering if you have any info to share on some donors I'm looking at. Any info would be amazing.

    darieschaff@yahoo.com

    Thanks in advance!

    05827
    11067
    11079
    11147
    11208
    11241
    11303
    11436
    11463
  • hopeful_mommyhopeful_mommy Posts: 5
    Hi I'm having trouble picking a donor. I have been having difficulty with the financing of this adventure so I was a little frustrated today.
    I have it down to four donors but just don't know which I like best. I dont want to have to buy long profiles on all four but its looking like I might have to do that. To get it down to final 1 or 2 choices.
    Looking at 11782, 11660, 12093 and 11659. Only 1 has a pregnancy. not sure if its cause they are new or what.
    This whole thing has just been more difficult to decide then I thought it would be.
  • tatemantateman Posts: 122
    hopeful_mommy,

    I am also looking at all four of these donors and will likely be purchasing some information on them soon. I will send you info. as I purchase it but I may not buy all of the information on all four. If anyone send you info. please let me know also. They just recently posted the look-a-likes for 12093 if you want to take a look at those. They are also in process of completing the staff impression on 12093.

    mbranch@gatewayhealth.org
  • adarra23adarra23 Posts: 27
    Hi dschaffeld,

    I chose donor 11147 and become pregnant on the first IUI on 9/4. I went on the sibling reg and there is only one other listed for this donor and it was a boy born in April in NY.

    Hopes this help.
  • GYG728GYG728 Posts: 15
    Has anyone done a donor photo match to their partners? I submitted a request for one and am trying really hard not to be impatient. I guess I am just worried about getting lost in the shuffle since I haven't been contacted about payment information or anything. I spoke to someone in customer service and she said it could take a week for them to do the matches, but I'm worried that they haven't gotten my request at all yet. My husband and I are really hoping to be able to use donor sperm next month so we are both a little anxious to narrow our search down to "Mr. Right!" Any tips?
  • Tomigrl5Tomigrl5 Posts: 132
    I also am struggling with the choosing.....
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