This is Plan A

SinglehoodBlissSinglehoodBliss Posts: 2
in Single Mothers by Choice
It seems like every forum I look at is filled with women describing their SMBC status as a decision that came about from reaching a certain age and finding themselves without a man - as if being a SMBC was just a less desirable backup plan.

But is there anyone else out there where being a SMBC was their Plan A?

I'm in my early 30s and am planning my insemination within the next year. This has been my life plan since I was a child. Maybe I got an overdose of the girl power koolaid in my youth, but I never understood the point of relying on a guy. It takes a village, not a man. So this has always been my Plan A and I built my life and career choices around this plan. Barring any complications, I'll be having my baby right on schedule. But it's a little isolating to hear all the stories from women saying Prince Charming never showed up so this is their only option. It makes it sound like this is the lesser choice they got stuck with. Isn't there anyone else out there who sees SMBC as a preferred path?

Comments

  • JordantaylorJordantaylor Posts: 12
    Yep! This is my plan A!!! I can find a prince at any age, but it's important for me to not put pressure on a relationship because I want to have children. Plus perhaps I'm very independent and love the idea of being a single mom. I'm in my early thirties, have finished my education, have an amazing career and am starting the IVF process. I have an incredible support system and will share all the love I have with this child. The stability I can provide is set up to be guaranteed. You can't always say that with a marriage. A father would be nice, but not a have to have. It's unfortunate, but spouses come and go...a mother will always be there for her children.
  • Rdy2BMommyRdy2BMommy Posts: 3
    Not gonna lie... This isn't plan A, but it isn't plan B-Z either. In a way I always knew this is how it would go. I come from a very large family (mostly women) and for various reasons I was surrounded by a lot of single mothers. I was raised by a single mother, so I don't even know how a two parent home operates. I wouldn't label myself independent, but I've never been one to wait till I had a husband/boyfriend to do anything. Thank God!

    I've joked this is probably the route I would take since I was a teenager, but I figured why not try to do it the traditional way to see if it could be "better" for my children. Well considering 95% of my peers who did it the "right" way are divorced (or on their way) & constantly fighting, I rather not fight with anyone and have happy home & child(ren).

    My only regret is I waited so long to make the decision. Now in my 30's, I just can't imagine lowering my standards to be with someone just so I can have a child. I know to many females doing this now. Planning baby shower and filing for divorce at the same time. Love can come anytime, but biology is finite. And I see the disappointment in the eyes of family members that waited, but then it was too late.

    To any woman reading this who may be contemplating becoming a SMBC, I would say making the decision to move forward is the hardest part. Fighting all the what-ifs and maybe's will be a daily, minute by minute thing. But if you CAN'T imagine your life without children, then I say look at this as Plan A. And if don't do anything else PRAY on it and everything will fall into place. God works miracles, but he needs a little effort from you!
  • newsiesnewsies Posts: 12
    One thing I always knew was I wanted kids. I didn't really know to much about this option until I was 23 and my cousin and her husband were trying to conceive through IUI using donor sperm. When I was 25 I realized I wanted to go this path to have children. I've watched so many of my family and friends having to alternate weekends with their kids and I knew I never wanted to do that and this was a way to guaranty that. I knew I could live with out a man but I refuses to live with out kids. I had my son at 28 and am working on having my second. I have great support from my family and friends. I am very happy and wouldn't want to have my family any other way.
  • emilyjremilyjr Posts: 1
    I've wanted a baby for as long as I can remember. Being a mom is the only thing I've ever wanted to do. Growing up, I would plan for babies like most little girls plan for weddings. Being a single mom didn't really occur to me until my early 20's when someone pointed out that I didn't need a partner to have a child.

    I think from that moment it became plan A for me, although I treated it like a backup plan for several years while I built my own life and tried various relationships.

    When I got to a point that I was financially stable and ready to take this step, I was actually in a relationship (no marriage), but not one that was ready for kids. I actually ended the relationship to move forward with my baby plans.

    It might be strange, but this process is so deeply personal to me, I've never felt the want or desire to share it with someone else.

    I'm 28 and I've only just started this process; I still haven't chosen a donor yet. I've been building my village of support and planning contingency plans for all possible outcomes. I'm still worried about taking this journey alone and the judgement of the general population, but I've never been more certain about anything. I know this is the right step for me.
  • Bubble05riderBubble05rider Posts: 4
    Hello ladies!! I planned this. Not since always... but i planned it. It's hard. But I wouldn't change it
  • CaitVonCaitVon Posts: 1
    This has always been my plan A also. I've always known that I wanted to be a mother from a young age and being married was never something I really wanted. I am 23 so Im still pretty young but Im just starting to do my research about this process and looking into donors. If there is any helpfully advice or information that some of you single mothers or future mothers have I would greatly appreciate it!
  • songbyrd8403songbyrd8403 Posts: 51
    I can say this wasn't my plan A, but since being diagnosed with Cancer at age 31 and having chemo (to then find out it lowers your fertility drastically) this became my plan A now. I looked into my options at 26 (because I felt I should've been married with at least 1 child by then) but couldn't get around my child not knowing his/her father. But after much much MUCH research NOW I am comfortable with this process and praying to start the insemination process next year. Currently undergoing IVF to preserve eggs before I undergo more chemo.
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