We are going to be using donor sperm

Rbomar1212Rbomar1212 Posts: 29
in Selecting a Sperm Donor
We will be using donor sperm and I was wondering if anyone had any suggestions on how they told their child that they used donor sperm or how they are planning on telling them? I want to be totally honest with my child when I do have one and this was something I have wondered about. Like what is the right age and just how to tell them.

Comments

  • bellafiorelabellafiorela Posts: 16
    I'm hoping people respond to this inquiry. I wonder the same thing. I also have step children in the picture, so timing seems to be of most importance.

    When will you start???
  • jjr3jjr3 Posts: 79
    Great question and if anyone has experienced it I would love to know too. My husband and I have 2 children, 1 each from a previous marriage. He had a vasectomy 10 years ago thinking we would not want anymore children. Well, our boys are 15 yo and we did want more. I am now pregnant with a donor and it is eating at me how we not only tell the child but our relatives, kids and so on. Any advice would be great :)
  • melmelmelmel Posts: 1
    My son is four. He is still too little to understand but I told him the "doctors" helped make him. I plan to tell him as he gets older. It is a bit hard to explain to a 4 year old!!!!
  • samsmomsamsmom Posts: 47
    I am 16 weeks and will be a single Mom. I have 2 nieces 12 and 10 who are like my kids. I told my 12 year old niece last week.

    I told her I used a sperm bank and the Dr. to get pregnant. She asked my sister a week earlier what a sperm bank was. I asked did she have any questions and she said no. Since she has asked questions. I think you have to gauge the maturity of the child- I did not tell the 10 year old yet but I will.

    I think kids start to figure things out, but they don't say anything. When I told my nieces, the 12 year old wanted to know when I got maried. She was hurt because she thought I had not introduced her to my boyfriend/husband.

    As far as friends as family- you need to gauge their maturity also. I am not ashamed and most people know. Others that I don't care about draw their own conclusions.

    Good luck!
  • Mom4KiddosMom4Kiddos Posts: 83
    Most all of our friends and relatives know that we used a sperm donor, as we are not shy about sharing the information. My husband found out he could not have children before he and I were ever dating, and he told his family and friends for support, so of course years later when I turned up pregnant they would wonder what happened! As for telling our children, we have a 22 month old daughter and I'm 16 weeks pregnant with our second child (both from the same CCB donor). There is a great website called http://www.xyandme.com that sells children's books detailing "non-traditional" methods of conception, and I need to buy the married couple using donor sperm book for my daughter.

    On a side note, my sweet husband took my daughter to Barnes and Noble this Saturday and came home with a very cute book called "When You Were Inside Mommy" but he had missed a line in the book that said, "one cell came from Mommy and one cell came from Daddy" so we are returning it, and I hope to find one that's a little more ambiguous. She is still young and not asking questions yet, but I know she may be curious as my tummy grows!

    In short, we plan to be very open and honest and explain everything to her (in simple terms at first, of course) as soon as she starts asking questions about where babies come from. I hope that helps.
  • CSSCSS Posts: 161
    I think telling your child when he or she's old enough is a good idea, but I'd be cautious about telling others if you want to protect your privacy. If there are situations where it's necessary to tell family members or good friends (as some have outlined here), then so be it, but I'd limit it since you never know if someone's going to say something inappropriate to your child about it without your knowledge or permission. And it's really no one's business, but you, your child, and if applicable, your significant other.

    Just my hard-nosed two cents ;-)

    --CSS
  • randb214randb214 Posts: 1
    My husband feels very strongly about telling a child. I feel so reserved about sharing this information with our families and friends. Certain family members tend to be so judgemental, and I do not want anyone to treat my child any differently from other family members. With all this in mind, I think that our child should be told when they are old enough to understand, although I really like the idea of the books that xyandme offers. I feel very torn regarding this matter.
  • CSSCSS Posts: 161
    Hi randb214,

    You should just do what feels right to you and the hubby. If you feel reserved about sharing the info with friends and family members, go with your gut. Barring special circumstances (and as I indicated in my earlier post), I don't see any reason why they need to know.

    As far as telling your child when the time is right, I also like those xyandme books.

    --CSS
  • ArkmomArkmom Posts: 92
    You might also want to check out resources from the donor conception network. They have a whole line a books and pamplets about how to talk with children at various ages.
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