Stress-wait or not

alivinalivin Posts: 143
in LGBTQ+ Couples
Hi All,
So I have a question. my partner and i were waiting to do our 1st IUI at the end of June. Everything was planned and going smoothly. I was supposed to be defending my doctoral dissertation and graduating on June 5th. Then on Wednesday I got back what I thought were going to be my final revisions for my dissertation from my Chair person (Advisor). Well it looks like i may not be able to be done and graduate this semester. I have been working since Wednesday night on making the revisions and have a meeting with her on Monday morning. Basically if the revisions are not up to her standard I cannot defend June 5th.

My question to all of you mommies to be, who like me have been waiting their entire life for this moment, if I can't defend in June and have to wait until September to defend (which is basically a big huge presentation in front of your committee and other faculty who grill you about your research why you didn't do that, why you think you found these results, what stats would you have used differently, etc.) should I try and get pregnant in May??

I know stress can work against you in a pregnancy and I will be under some stress and anxiety as i will have to work on this throughout the summer and then defend. But what will I be more upset and stressed about, waiting until September to get pregnant or getting pregnant and having the added stress of the dissertation over my head.

Sorry to vent. I just needed to see what everyone else thinks. I know ultimately it is our decision. My partner has been amazing and said to me if I wanted to try in May she's on board.

Thanks Ladies!!

Comments

  • mimibethmimibeth Posts: 35
    Alivin,

    Truthfully, you have a valid point. I would take in to consideration your age. If you are under 35, waiting might be a good choice. If you are near 35 or beyond, it might pay to get busy ASAP. I have read a lot about stress and pregnancy, but I haven't seen that stress can keep you from getting pregnant except in very extreme situations. I have read that stress cannot keep a pregnancy from progressing except in horrific situations. I agree, defending a dissertation is very very very stressful, but I don't think that kind of stress could harm your baby.

    I have gone through more stress in the past 18 months than I have in my lifetime----with many many losses in my family and health problems. But I was able to conceive at my 2nd IUI. Unfortunately, due to my age (37), I had abnormal chromosomes and miscarried at 9 weeks, but the stress in my life didn't keep me from conceiving or cause me to miscarry.

    It is stressful keeping track of the Lh surge, ordering on time, the expense of the shipment and vials, praying your doctor will do the IUI when it needs done, etc. You would have a lot to juggle. I would say that your age would be a big factor to consider, as well as your ability to coordinate all of that.

    Best of luck. This is an exhausting process. It does take a lot out of you. But since your partner can help you with ordering, etc., you all may be able to manage well.

    Good luck.
  • alivinalivin Posts: 143
    Hi Mimibeth
    Thanks for writing me. I just turned 30 this month, I know I do have time on my side. But I desperately want to move on to to the next chapter in my life, Motherhood.

    Thanks for putting some of my fears regarding stress at ease. i do realize that as woman we will always have stress in our lives. Life happens and unfortunately the stress and anxiety comes with it.

    I will know more about my decision tomorrow once I meet with my advisor. However I know things will happen quick if we do decide to try this month as I just completed my period!!

    I am very excited but also very anxious about everything being so up in the air
  • kimi723kimi723 Posts: 231
    alivin~

    You definitely have a difficult decision to make...

    I just want to comment that you never know how long this process will take. Yes, some get lucky & conceive within the 1st 1-2 tries, but there are some of us that have been trying for 1...2... even 3 years. None of us expected to still be TTC after so long. My current advise to others is: Never assume that things will work out on your timeline. Never assume that you "have no fertility issues" b/c you have no family history of it, or b/c all of your tests looked good. Never assume that you "have time" because of your age.

    I have met too many women that fell into these categories (myself included). My suggestion is to start NOW if possible. If you are not pregnant by the fall, you can always take a month off to work on your dissertation. If you do start now and luck out, then hopefully by fall, you'll be over your morning sickness & feeling good during your dissertation.

    Whatever you decide, best of luck to you!!
  • Dani422Dani422 Posts: 42
    Alivin~

    I agree with what Kimi said! U never know how long this might take, or u could be one of the lucky one's who hit it the 1st try. U never know, by the fall u can have a few tries under ur belt, and especially if it works, then that is ALOT of stress that will be taken off ur, and ur partners shoulders!! : )

    Whatever u decide, I hope that both go absolutly perfect!! Good Luck!!!!!
  • twomommiestwomommies Posts: 28
    I was in a very similar situation about a year and a half ago. My partner and I were so ready to start TTC but I was almost done with my Masters and did not want to jeopardize it, so we waited until I graduated. Now we are still waiting, we have been trying for over a year now and I wish that I had started sooner. Nothing happened according to the timeline I wanted or anywhere close to it. I think if you do get pregnant quickly the joy of being pregnant will help with the stress of your dissertation. And if you don't get pregnant, at least you have a few tries out of the way. Not that you are old but if you want more than one child, waiting makes things more complicated.

    I say GO FOR IT!! You only live once.

    Good Luck!
  • momx2momx2 Posts: 134
    Coming from the "lets's wait until it is perfect timing" camp and three years later and two ivf's after being told we had "no" fertility issues in the beginning also and we are finally pg...do it now if you can!!!!!
    Stress never goeas away, we just have to learn how to cope. We thought we were finally on the mark with finally getting our bfp and then last week dp (the pg one) got laid off! So see you NEVER know!

    I say go for it too! ANd GOOD LUCK!!!!

    ALso congrats on being so close your DR. status...that is so awesome!

    Melanie and Amy (dp)
  • alivinalivin Posts: 143
    Wow thanks ladies for all of the heartfelt responses. I know that there is never going to be a perfect time to begin this journey.
    I just met with my chair person today and will know more on Wednesday of this week. Odds are I won't be able to defend June 5th it may be late in June or early July. So most likely we will atleast wait until the end of June or else July. I def dont want to be a few days post IUI and be defending my dissertation.

    Thanks again for all of the support!!
    Baby dust sprinkles to all!!
  • alivinalivin Posts: 143
    Ahhhh I don't know what to do!!! My defense is postponed, but not sure till when. it will be before September but haven't gotten my revisions back and have no real update. But my ovulation window is happening next week.

    On a side note I got my testing levels back.
    FSH = 5.7
    Estradiol = 28

    Are these good???

    I can hardly contain my excitement at the possibility that we could be having our 1st IUI next week!!
  • MistyandCarlaMistyandCarla Posts: 720
    I found this online...

    http://www.fertilityplus.org/faq/hormonelevels.html

    So to me, it looks like your numbers are good.

    IMO, your defense date it too uncertain. I wouldn't put off my IUI another month. I would get started immediately because you never know how long it will take. Plus, if you do get pregnant before your defense, who's to say that it will interfere with it? I have felt great my whole pregnancy and never had one drop of morning sickness. You can't predict what will happen, so I say just go for making your dreams come true!

    Good luck in your decision.
  • alivinalivin Posts: 143
    Thanks so much Misty and Carla for all of those sweet words and that amazing chart!! They were both so helpful.

    Soooooooo we have decided to try in May!!!! I'm due to ovulated next Thursday or Friday!! I'm so excited but nervous and stressed as to be expected especially since everything with my dissertation is up in there. But my partner and I talked and we decided that we are just going to leave it up to fate. I've put off being a mommy because I thought that I had to be a Dr. first and finish graduate school. I was fixated on this timeline. And while I'm happy I waited until I'm pretty much there and almost done with everything except my defense, I'm ready to move on. And who know wouldn't it be an amazing complete and full circle if during my Defense I was pregnant!!

    I'm just going to throw the timeline out the window and go with fate. There is always uncertainty in life and unfortunate stress, but I have waited my entire life to be a mother and in the end I know full heartedly that it will be worth, as do all of you.

    This website has been such a blessing to me. Thank you all for your wonderful support and knowledge. Your babies and future babies are lucky to have you as mommies!!

    Baby Dust
  • MistyandCarlaMistyandCarla Posts: 720
    Alvin,

    You're welcome and most important, congratulations on making your decision! This will be the most exciting time of your life mixed with many other emotions. It can become very stressful if things don't go as we think that they should. Just be patient and do everything that you can to give your body the best chance of conception. Use your body as a temple...treat it well. I would suggest no caffiene or alcohol...get plenty of rest and drink lots of water.

    Have you been tracking your BBT? (Basal Body Temperature) If not, it's too late for this cycle because you start on CD1 and it takes a couple months to see a pattern. But, that's okay...not everyone does this. You may want to research this for the future though. I know this really helped me. I found that I always ovulated on CD15.

    Have you heard of taking Mucinex, baby aspirin and eating raspberries? I done all of these things too. It's worth researching.

    Sorry to overload you, but I'm just so excited that you girls are trying this next week!

    Again, congratulations on making this decision and let me know if you have any questions.

    Hopefully it won't be long and you'll be having these restless pregnancy nights like me. :)
  • alivinalivin Posts: 143
    Hi Misty and Carla
    We aren't doing the BBT our RE just told us to do OPK. I just went for an ultrasound of my follicles and I had 2, both measured 8mm. Still kind of small, but I'm on CD8, so I know that they still have time to grow. And they typically grow 2mm a day.
    My next ultrasound is on Tuesday and then I'm hoping to surge on Thursday and then do back to back IUI's. I'm doing a nonmedicated cycle.
    I'm getting excited!!!
  • MistyandCarlaMistyandCarla Posts: 720
    You still have plenty of time for growth...hang in there.

    It has to be exciting that you are now counting down days instead of weeks for the big day!

    Good luck!
  • alivinalivin Posts: 143
    Hi Misty and Carla
    Yes I am totally counting down the days!! We are thinking the IUI will be on Thursday. Thats 5 days away!!!!!!!! This is such an exciting time, I have waited my whole life for this!! I hope you 3 are doing fantastic and enjoying your long weekend!
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