vent

jaimecjaimec Posts: 329
in Single Mothers by Choice
One of those venting days. I have not been on here in a while because it gets hard for me to see so many BFP's while I am still struggling. First IVF was not successful. Second round was canceled due to pharmacy errors that cost me lots of money in addition to the time wasted. Now waiting for AF to start so I can start the next try. Another birthday has passed, another year older with no baby and the anniversary of my miscarriage quickly approaching....sucks.

Comments

  • Babyin2014Babyin2014 Posts: 63
    Hang in there Jaime.

    I actually find the BFPs a source of hope for me. If it's happening for them, why not me, too?

    Hugs,
    Amy
  • austingurl123austingurl123 Posts: 35
    Jaimec,
    I had been wondering where you were. I was hoping you got your BFP and were too busy celebrating or keeping the news to yourself until the first trimester was over. If I could make it happen for you, I would. I am so sorry you are struggling so much. I know one day soon you will get your BFP. In your last IVF, they only transfered 1 right? Are you planning to transfer more this round? How many frozens do you have? I hope one of them is sticky for you!!! I will continue to pray for your BFP.
  • becky1141becky1141 Posts: 164
    Hi Jaimec. I am so sorry to hear about your continued struggles. I can feel your pain completely. I just had my 3rd miscarriage and am beginning to feel like it may not really happen, either because it isn't possible or because I will run out of money before it actually does. I was really upset at myself for feeling depressed reading these forums. I have followed them for the past year and a half and couldn't wait to hear how everyone made out after their 2ww's. Now I am sad to say I don't always want to read their results. It really makes me upset at myself as I've never felt this way before, even after my 1st 2 miscarriages. But it really is hard to see everyone doing so well and me not getting anywhere.

    I also understand the anniversary of your miscarriage all too well. I was supposed to be delivering a baby right before we would go to the beach this summer. I have a feeling I'm going to be really sad at times while at the beach knowing I should be there with my newborn. And my other baby was supposed to come for Christmas so I'm sure that holiday will be bitter sweet also.

    I am staying "strong" although I am really getting tired of being strong...truly tired. Anyway...I want you to know you are not alone with the endless struggles. Although they come in a different form, it ends the same. Still trying so hard to have a baby. I have prayed for you throughout the past year and a half that I have followed these forums and will say some more prayers for you now. I am also sending you a hug. I really do hope this upcoming cycle is THE one for you. I will truly be happy to see the news of a BFP coming from you. You have more than earned that!

    I wish you the best of luck for this cycle. Keep on hanging in there...
  • jaimecjaimec Posts: 329
    Austin - I have 4 embryos left. My doc said he would recommend transferring 2 if some weren't heart quality...but since they're all excellent it's my choice and I choose just one!

    Becky - that is exactly how I feel...happy for those getting BFP's but tired of watching everyone move past me. It is very exhausting to be strong all the time. I definitely have my breakdowns! I am so sorry for your losses...the pain of a miscarriage is indescribable and never ending. Do you plan to continue trying?
  • nettibugnettibug Posts: 118
    jaimec, you're not alone. after my BFP my last IVF and seeing HB early I miscarried at 8.4wks. had to have a D&C because between the m/c and the two other embies that had implanted and gone to yolk sac there was too much to pass (and my body never figured out I wasn't PG anymore). Because of D&C had to wait out a cycle before next IVF and AF took forever to come back. and did I mention I'm 44? feel like I just threw $18,000 down the toilet for my last cycle (retrieval yesterday) but I wasn't ready to give up.
  • 8668jennyc8668jennyc Posts: 18
    hey Jamie - we had chatted through email back in February so I'm here still if you want to chat again. I'm so sorry to hear about your struggles and want to offer any support you need. I have no magic words to make it any better but I'm here to listen. Hope you can continue to rely on the support of all the women on this board.
  • jaimecjaimec Posts: 329
    Thanks, I haven't been on here in a while. It's been 7 weeks since my 2nd IVF round was cut short and still no AF. I had an u/s last week and all looked fine so now I'm on meds to force it to start......fun fun fun.

    Nettibug and Jen, how are you both doing?
  • nettibugnettibug Posts: 118
    Oh no, jaimec, I am so sorry to hear this.

    I'm cautiously optimistic after IVF #5 (first after my m/c) with positive/rising betas. 5 wks today and first ultrasound on 8/30.
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