Any advice out there for a newbie?

friendshipdidifriendshipdidi Posts: 34
in Single Mothers by Choice
Hi everyone,

I am 32 years old and seriously trying to conceive this summer. I have meet with my doctor as well as a psychologist that has helped me make some important decisions regarding what type of donor I would like to use. I am looking to make a final decision soon on what donor to use.

I have been looking at donors and it all seems very overwhelming. I have decided on using an open donor. I would like a donor that has some of my same ancestry, such as Irish and Polish. Once I put in my "wish list" of characteristics, I was limited to about 6 donors. Is this common?

During the meeting with the psychologist, she gave me the staggering statistics that only about 12% of women conceive naturally using IUI. I'm just curious how many of you out there have had success and how many tries it took to have success.

Thanks all for any advice you might have for me :)

Comments

  • BanditBandit Posts: 348
    Friendship... Welcome to your new journey. It is an overwhelming process and my first suggestion is to tell minimal people when you go for your IUI etc. That is what I did, that way not to many people knew what I was doing and I did not have people asking me lots of questions. The only people who knew were one of my sister in laws and a brother. No one else new what I was doing.

    A wish list is perfect. I did the same thing and came down to only 5 or 6 donors. The process is super overwhelming and I was glad it went down to that. Gave me less choices. My two wants were Open Donor, and Jewish. Only Jewish was to narrow down the choices as you said there are so many ways to choose. Then I wanted open donor. My son should have the opportunity IF he wants to meet his dad. This way he can do it and I have not taken that away from him. I then went threw what was left and wanted someone who was not short IE 5' 5" which is common. It helps that way.

    As for wanting to get pregnant, I got pregnant right away (I am 42 and was shocked), as I used no medication, no trigger shot no nothing. I just peed on OPK sticks and found out when I had the surge and called my doctor. The midwife inseminated me that day and then the next.

    Suggestions to help you get ready are to relax easier said then done. I went for acupuncture for many months before hand and after I got pregnant. He kept me in balance. Make sure you have everything in order, health etc.

    It is an amazing journey and a roller coaster. Use these folks for advice and venting. I have done that.

    Also use moms do stalk the single moms boards as we know what you are going threw. Feel free to ask the questions.

    Good luck.
  • Babyin2014Babyin2014 Posts: 63
    Friendship, Welcome. I only came up with six donors when I put my criteria in as well. I wanted an open donor, and someone who looked like me -- but tall! lol. I really like the donor I chose. Am hoping his sperm do the trick. As for the stats, I'd give anything to have a 12% chance. At 42 my odds are only 5-8%. My RE told me my best bet would be IVF, but I simply do not have the money and don't have the time to try to save it. Wish I had started earlier, like you. Sending you lots of baby dust. I'll check back here to see how you are doing. The women on these boards are great. Stay in touch. Like Anissa, I've been doing acupuncture, which has really helped with my stress levels and has also made me feel healthier.

    Anissa, I so wish I'm lucky like you this go-round. Get to test on Friday.

    Amy, 42
    IUI#1 BFN, IUI#2 2WW
  • dragonflinursedragonflinurse Posts: 116
    Welcome Friendship!! This is a great group of woman that are extremely supportive and so willing to share their stories! As far as picking a donor...I started with must haves and was more open about things that I was flexible with. I ended up spending the money for the extended profiles and the pics. It is quite overwhelming, but take your time, and start reading through the profiles. I found a got a "feeling" about certain ones and made sure I kept them in my favorites and then went through them over and over. It took about a month but I feel real strong about my donor. My IUI will be on Wednesday morning, so Im praying I will be pregnant soon!

    Welcome to the TTC club!! Baby dust and prayers to us all!!!

    Jennie
  • friendshipdidifriendshipdidi Posts: 34
    Thank you everyone for the positive wishes. I have spent the extra money and have been really reading through the profiles. I love listening to the donor interviews. I find hearing their voices helpful. I had gotten a great feeling about a donor and saw that he was limited availability. He has since become unavailable. :( I am continuing my search and am hoping to make some decisions within the week. My hope is to try this time next month.

    Good luck to all of you. I wish you all the best.
  • IvettinaIvettina Posts: 21
    Hi Friendship, Im like you, a newbie. I had sperm from another cryobank who is totally anonymous and on the cycle that I thought Id try and get pregnant, I freaked out and didnt do it. I came to CCB and found my ID donor over a few days! Now its just a matter of taking the plunge.

    Baby dust to you!
    Courageousdiva.
  • grizgirlgrizgirl Posts: 56
    I had 72 donors on my search. I am less interested in physical attributes. I was looking for someone with good athletic, math and musical skills if possible. Advanced degrees were also a plus, shows dedication. The number one thing for me though was medical history. I have a lot of allergies and didn't want to pick someone with several also. My top pick does have one allergy but I fell in love with his baby pic and his express yourself submission.

    I haven't taken the plunge yet. I'm tracking my cycles (which are kinda wonky and I think I'll go medicated IUI) and will hopefully see my new OB in the fall to get the ball rolling.

    I wouldn't fret too much on that IUI statistic. I'm betting the majority of women getting IUI have fertility problems or their husband does. Us single ladies don't necessarily have a problem, just that we are using donor sperm.
  • austingurl123austingurl123 Posts: 35
    I wanted an open donor and only considered them. That narrowed it down significantly. Then I read profiles and picked some that I liked. I wanted brains and athletic skills. Then I looked at medical history. I wanted a clean history. No cancer was signficant to me because it runs in my family a lot. I ended up with my top 3 or 4. I then had my 2 sisters and 3 best friends vote. I was leaning towards one donor in particular but was hestitant because he was short. I'm short and wanted someone taller. Everything else about him was perfect. All 5 of my voters picked him. I'm now the proud mom of a beautfil little girl who tests in the bottom 3% for height:) But involving my family and friends was perfect. We had a lot of fun looking over profiles and at baby pictures. Plus, it helped them understand the process more. Besides, I would ask their opinion on a potential husband, so why not a potential donor?
  • 8668jennyc8668jennyc Posts: 18
    Friendship - good luck as you start your journey. I know it can be overwhelming choice when looking at donors. As a single mom I also chose profiles of ones that were open so that narrowed down the choices. I looked at ancestry, physical attributes, medical history, as well as the pictures of the donor as a young child. It helps to identify what characteristics are most important to you. I narrowed it down to two donors and the one I started out with is not the one I am pregnant with now. I did not set aside any donor sperm so if you are set on one donor, do purchase them in advance.

    I'm 40 and I got pregnant on the 6th IUI. The first sample had a low sperm mobility and I actually got a refund from CC. The next two were around a stressful time at work and I think that really did play a part in body being ready. After that I started acupuncture in January. I'd been doing acupuncture for about 5 months which I really do believe is one of the number one reasons that helped me get pregnant.

    The stressful part for me was timing the ovulation. I had to pee on a stick with the home ovulation kits to find my ovulation then call my doctor and I'd have the procedure the next day. I missed it a few times because it came early so then I just started testing around day 8 instead of day 10. My cycle was off because of the stress and when I conceived, my ovulation was right at day 14. So learn to manage the stress of determining that ovulation day.

    Good luck with your process and keep us updated.
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