Adoption of Partner's baby

leiatleiat Posts: 29
in LGBTQ+ Couples
I read yesterday in the NY Daily News paper that a same sex couple broke up. The Judge ruled that the partner who was inseminated with donor sperm retained all rights and the other partner wasnt given custody or rights to the child who is now five years old.

The Judge ruled that the partner who didnt carry the child should have adopted the child from birth to have rights.

umm, just never know when things go sour. Best to do all the paperwork to avoid issues.

Just saying

Comments

  • leiatleiat Posts: 29
    http://www.nydailynews.com/news/2009/04/11/2009-04-11_court_sez_no_to_lesbian_in_custody_bid.html



    "It's an absolutely heartbreaking situation," said Debra H.'s lawyer, Susan Sommer of Lambda Legal. "This is a person who has been his parent."

    "The boy, now 5, was born in December 2003, shortly after Debra H. and Janice R., the child's biological mother, entered into a civil union in Vermont and two months after they registered as domestic partners in the city.

    Conceived by artificial insemination, the boy was given Debra H.'s last name as his middle name and had his umbilical cord cut by her, according to court records.

    But the judges noted Debra H. never legally adopted the child. "
  • virgo91079virgo91079 Posts: 49
    Yeah, we have to read up on Texas laws but I heard that the earliest my DP could adopt was at age 6 months...
    it's kind of funny now that I think of it...we have been together for 3 years now and everything that we have bought together we would discuss right then and there if something were to happen between us who would get what....don't think it'll be as easy as heads or tails with a baby... is that terrible we think that way? of course we aren't planning to split but nobody ever does...
  • leiatleiat Posts: 29
    This is not an easy topic. When in love, no one think about "years down the line". But the Judges care only arrangements that are in writing.
  • leiatleiat Posts: 29
    WOW , just noticed the comments under the story Jess. I didnt even scroll down. Sounds like a bunch of nutcases.
  • CatchavezCatchavez Posts: 40
    Yes, this is such a reminder to do all we can (even though it usually means hiring an attorney and paying extra money) to take care that we can raise our children as all hetero couples can. In colorado, we will pay an extra $3000 at the time of birth to add my girlfriend's name on the birth certificate as 'other' instead of 'father'. Crazy how this varies from state to state. Some states allow 2nd parent adopt. Unfortunately its so imbalanced. Ack, don't even get me started, this topic makes me crazy!
  • Livyn4funLivyn4fun Posts: 23
    Catchavez- we are in colorado too and when we had our twins a year ago we were told that you can no longer do that and that the other mom would have to adopt the baby (our friends did it your way the year prior) We were told this changed in Aug 07 (well we were pregnant ). We were still able to put both of our names on the birth certificates because I carried my partners babies so maternally they are mine but biologically they were hers and in the state of colorado you cannot adopt your own child. Although we still had to pay a lawyer in Boulder $1200.00 to get the judge to sign a paper saying that we are to both be on the twins birth certificates as "Mother"
  • CatchavezCatchavez Posts: 40
    Wow, I guess my info is a bit dated, Livyn4fun. We talked to some aquaintances who'd done this about 4 years ago and had to do it the 'old way' with the birth certificate. Didn't know it had changed! I need to freshen up on our options and become more aware of what we need to do. Thought we'd wait until we were positively pregnant before securing an attorney. Thanks for the update on this! Sounds like you guys have had some tremendous blessings! I hope more on the way for you! Since we are in the same 'hood so to speak, let me know if you ever want to exchange email. :)
  • Livyn4funLivyn4fun Posts: 23
    Catchavez- Who knows, when you become positively pregnant the laws could change again (hopefully for the better). And if you ever want the name of the attorney we used just let me know. Exchanging e-mails sounds great. :)
  • CatchavezCatchavez Posts: 40
    Hey Liv
    I'll send you a message on fb with my contact. Would love that referral :)
  • Livyn4funLivyn4fun Posts: 23
    Catchavez-

    Sounds great!!! Looking forward to hearing from you.
  • jms2012jms2012 Posts: 11
    i just want to mention that even if you can get the non-bio mom's name on the birth certificate (which you can in many states) you should still legally adopt the baby/babies (if available in your state). Legal adoption is the only way to ensure your rights regardless of legal jurisdiction. For example, in some states two moms can be listed on the birth certificate, but if they travel to another state or if they separate, a judge could rule the same way as in this case.
  • Helix33Helix33 Posts: 16
    I second Jamu's point. My sister's partner can't see her 8 year old son, because out of spite her x-girlfriend has fought and won sole custody of the child. The child has a hyphenated last name on the birth certificate, but since there was no legal adoption my sis in law has no legal rights. It is heartbreaking to see how she suffers, as she raised this little boy up until they broke up and shared custody until her x decided to play games with him as a pawn.
    I am currently 10.5 weeks pregnant (donor 11403)and my partner and I are legally married. However, we will also file a legal adoption, to ensure she has the legal rights she deserves.
  • twomommiestwomommies Posts: 28
    This is something that my partner and I worry about constantly. We live in South Carolina though, and we have no ability to marry or have 2nd parent adoption. We have been together for 7 1/2 years and we are doing everything possible to keep this from happening. I am getting my last name legally changed to be hyphenated with hers and our children will have her last name. We also worry about if we were to pass away so we are planning on making wills to designate where the children will go. Thinking about things like this makes being a lesbian seem impossible.
  • mommiesmommies Posts: 15
    Like many have said - the non-biological parent should adopt the baby asap. Also, a key thing our attorney brought up: Birthmom needs to do a living will BEFORE the baby is born! Heaven forbid something should happen in birth, if birthmom passes, that baby is NOT the partners child! We did this and ended up in a scary birth situation, but it was all ok in the end, still... ALSO remember, when the other parent adopts, if you do split up, it is treated just as a divorce - the adoptive parent has legal custody rights, visitation, etc, plus is held responsible for child support. Unfortunately I know first hand about this too. It's CRAZY our states will hold up child support, custody laws and adoption, but still not let us legally marry!!
  • Livyn4funLivyn4fun Posts: 23
    I agree that the non-biological parent should adopt. In our case since there was no signed agreement papers saying I was carrying the babies as a surrogate mother they are seen as a gift and they are my children (since I gave birth) and my partner is seen as a parent too(since they are biologically her). We had a lawyer file a petition so we are on the birth certificates and both deemed as parents and then we also went to another lawyer and had wills drawn up forbid if anything should happen to one of us or both of us. I do know though that states all differ.
  • magellanmagellan Posts: 21
    Who is the Colorado lawyer that you would recommend? So far, I've only seen two...both women.
  • Livyn4funLivyn4fun Posts: 23
    Magellan-

    Barbara Lavender in Boulder. Is that one of the two women you found?
  • magellanmagellan Posts: 21
    Yes! So what is she like? How much does she charge for filing the petition for both mommies to be on the b.c.? Does she do wills too?
  • Livyn4funLivyn4fun Posts: 23
    Magellan~
    She seems very knowledgeable. I think she charged around 1200.00 to 1500.00 (I will ask my partner and if I am way off I will let you know) and it was pretty painless (We just had to know the sex of the twins and what we were going to name them). I am not sure about wills for the fact we went through a Lawyer that is on Amy's insurance plan through work (He is in Golden and takes awhile). I am not sure that both mommies can be on the birth certificate unless you do it the way Amy and I did (me carrying her embryos). I think the law changed in Aug 2007 and now for the non birth mom to be on the BC she will have to adopt her partners baby. In the state of colorado you cannot adopt your own children so that is why Amy was able to be on the twins birth certificates. Anyway I would defiantly give her a call and see if she can help you out. Good Luck :)
  • GandysweetGandysweet Posts: 20
    my dp and i are starting the process of getting pregnant and live in Texas... we were wondering if anyone is familiar with the laws and or rights of a second parent and is the adoption at all possible?
  • 2moms2bewehope2moms2bewehope Posts: 63
    My wife and I are planning to do Iui. We live in Minnesota and we are wondering if we will both be listed on birth certificate? We are married. :)
  • evelynclaire2015evelynclaire2015 Posts: 6
    I have done a lot of research on this - we live in Vermont and because we are legally married we will both have rights though I am not sure about the birth certificate. However everything I have read says that there is no question that the non-bio mother should complete a second-parent adoption. This way in the case of separation or death the non biological parent has legal rights that are far more likely to be respected in any state. After my wife's battle with recurrent, metasicized cancer this year I am very aware of the uncertainties of life so we will absolutely be persuing second-parent adoption when we have a baby.
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