Anonymous vs Open Donor

careylucascareylucas Posts: 3
in Single Mothers by Choice
I've decided I want to try and have a baby on my own and having done all of the necessary testing etc I'm ready to select a donor for an IUI insemination. However I'm overwhelmed!! There are so many great donors to choose from! (a good dilemma I realize)I know it's a personal decision whether or not to use an anonymous or open donor however I'm just wondering if the majority of single women on this site have chosen to use an open donor or not? It seems as though the majority of cryobanks I've looked at only guarantee to pass on a request for communication once a child turns eighteen and requests information on their donor. I'd appreciate hearing others thoughts on this subject.

Thanks so much!

Comments

  • BanditBandit Posts: 348
    I choose an Open donor. This way my son when he is old enough he can contact his father if he wants. This way I did not close the door on the opportunity and he may just want that opportunity. This way if he has questions he can ask them to his father or he can choose never to contact him.

    It is an overwhelming process to chose a donor and I went through it twice. The first time I was not ready to pull the trigger and the second time I was and got pregnant with my son. I narrowed down my opportunities by saying I am white, so I chose a white donor, I also choose someone who is Jewish. It did not matter to me if the donor was Jewish since in the Jewish religion the child is Jewish if the mom is. But as you said there are a lot of donors out there. Pick some must have qualities, hair, eyes, RH factor, skin color height something that is important to you and then start looking. It is definitely a personal decision but other things I looked at was similarity to me. My niece in FL has carrot red hair and her parents have brownish hair. She is theirs cause she looks like grandma, but people ask who her parents are all the time. Her brother and sister look alike and it sometimes bothers here. Good luck.
  • melissaprestwoodmelissaprestwood Posts: 136
    Congratulations on making your decision! It's great!
    I chose an Open donor. I want my children to have the option to contact him if they want to when they are 18.

    Lika Anissa, I also chose first by hair color, eye color, race. I also chose by height. I figure if he fits the description of someone I date, then I'd want to have his babies. LOL.

    After that I looked at medical history. That actually helped me get down to a few because of some worrysome medical problems in the family.

    Once I had it narrowed to a few and was in the process with my doctor, I purchased the full subscription and found my donor with his childhood photos.

    Good luck!
  • austingurlaustingurl Posts: 202
    I went exclusively with an open donor. I didn't even look at anonymous ones. I, like Anissa, wanted to keep the door open just in case. I based my decision more on medical history than looks. I started with the basics...open and white (since I am white). Then, I read their personality profiles, and that narrowed it down. I picked some of the traits I wanted my child to have and someone that sounded like they would be friends with me. Then, I looked at medical history and picked one that did not have any of the diseases in my family and had a really good, clean history. It was weird because a few weeks after buying the sperm someone asked me his hair color and I didn't even know it. I had seen his childhood pics but I know I was blonde as a child and now have brown hair. Looks factored very little into my decision.
    I also took my top choices (I think it was 3 or 4) and asked my 3 best friends and 2 sisters to vote on who they would pick. It was fun and included them in the process. All of them voted for the same person, and he was my favorite too. They said he sounded a lot like me, and they thought the child would end up a lot like me that way.
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