An (older) friend as a sperm donor

parisnyparisny Posts: 73
in Single Mothers by Choice
Was wondering what you ladies think about this:

I was all prepared to use anonymous (CCB) sperm donor.

I don't have a large, close family and am single. My friend (an ex) has a wonderful family and I'm close to all of them. He offered to be a sperm donor as he's 52 (I'm closer to his age than the sperm donor's) and would like to be a father.

I was all set but have been advised NOT to use him because of the fear, and new scientific evidence, of a heightened risk of autism results when there's an older father. I am so sad about this.

THOUGHTS?????????

Comments

  • BanditBandit Posts: 348
    It is really up to you and your thoughts. Research is research. My thoughts are if you want to be a single parent go with CCB. How much input will this guy have in your life? Will he be there through the thick and thin? What type of legal document will you have? Lot more legal work in my opinion if you use him. Does that help?
  • parisnyparisny Posts: 73
    It's really his family who would be more in my life -- he's a bit of a butterfly...doesn't stick around long. But thanks AnissaS. I really think I'm going to go with CCB...
  • BanditBandit Posts: 348
    Paris I would, if he is a butterfly and his family is going to be involved be carefully. The support would be awesome but you don't want them running your life. Good luck.

    Also if you use CCB, they have already tested the sperm for a bunch of diseases, your guy would need to go get those tests. With CCB you get a complete medical history and if anything changes with your donor you find that out as well.
  • eeh876eeh876 Posts: 168
    There was also the recent court case where the state went after a man that donated sperm for child support. Not the women he donated to; the state went after him when the women filed for government assistance, even after he signed away all of his rights. So it just seems safer legally to go with true anonymity, in my opinion.

    Good luck whichever way you go!
  • parisnyparisny Posts: 73
    Thanks!! :-)
  • KrisAzKrisAz Posts: 10
    I almost did that and I am glad I didn't. It would have been awkward especially since he wanted to date and I didn't. I thought he'd make a good father and he was also 51, retired military and had no children but I just couldnt do it. He wanted to be involved too. He has no family here and lives about 2 hours away and there would be alot of disagreements over travel, etc. He agreed to get tested and everything but when it came down to the talk, and how we were going to do it, he wanted sex, and I didn't. I would not commit to him, I really didn't like him in that way and it wouldnt have been fair. Well he knows I'm still trying and he has good wishes for me. As far as older sperm, I dont think it matters. I knnow lots of men who became fathers later, and their kids are not autistic. I still think it's the vaccines and environmental stuff contributing to autism.

    Truthfully. I'd go with CCB and use an RE but it is pricey. Thats the worst part of this journey. I am using another sperm bank (fairfax) but I still like to post on here. Good luck
  • parisnyparisny Posts: 73
    Good luck to you, too, KrisAz. Sounds like you made a good decision. My guy came with a different set of problems -- mostly that he's unreliable and I'd probably have resented that, in the end.

    This whole journey is super expensive. Fingers crossed for both of us, for all of us on these boards!
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