How to Choose?

ketchfox00ketchfox00 Posts: 3
in LGBTQ+ Couples
My wife (partner) and I are in the beginning stages of trying to conceive. My wife is carrying the child and she has given me the task in finding a donor that most represents me. I know it's hard but I have found some. How do I know what one is the one? How did all of you make your final decision? I really want to make sure I choose the right donor. My wife will go through my top four choices with me and we will make the final decision together but it is still hard. Any input would be helpful!

Comments

  • tkurth19tkurth19 Posts: 14
    I'd suggest thinking about what characteristics are really important to you and starting there. For example, do you want an open or annonymous donor, is eye or hair color important, or is education or personality important to you? Under the donor search, you could put in the "must have's" and leave everything else open and see what comes up. Personally, I based a lot of my decision on the essay. I liked the physical characteristics that came up but I was more looking at personality and who he was. I liked his reasons for becoming a donor, his education level and maturity, that sort of thing. My partner was, I think, looking more at physical characteristics but she thought he sounded good and if I really liked him, than she was all for it. In the end, I never got any of the extra info on my donor (baby pic, long profile, audio, etc.) until after my daughter was born. I am still extremely thrilled with my decision!

    As for "the right donor"...I think once you have your child in your arms, which ever donor you picked will be the "right" one, and you wouldn't dream of having picked anyone else because your child will be perfect in your eyes. Good luck to both of you!
  • ketchfox00ketchfox00 Posts: 3
    Thank you that is very helpful!!! Good luck with your baby! I'm sure she is perfect! :)
  • julie31julie31 Posts: 7
    We used the photo matching. That narrowed it down to about 6 donors. We wanted to chose an open donor, but there weren't any available from the donor match list. At that point, we looked over all of the information (long profile, short profile, temperment report, etc) and made a decision based on that. Having someone look similar to me was most important. The education level and family history was important too, but my wife is wicked smart, so I'm not worried about that. So, looks and family history are what helped me make my decision.

    I know how you feel about being the "other" mother and chosing which donor. The bottom line is that no matter who you choose, part of who they are is always a part of you.
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