How did you feel about boy vs. girl?

rileyriley Posts: 44
in Single Mothers by Choice
Hi Everyone -

I'm not actually new to cryobank although I haven't posted on the boards before and had to make a new account because my other account name is my full legal name and I'd rather stay anonymous-ish. I almost became a single mother 5 years ago (bought sperm, had the appointments - everything) but got talked out of it by people who told me to give my love life a little more time. Now that I'm 35, I have much more support, and am really going for it this time. Far fewer people are trying to talk me out of it, and I feel more sure. I can afford it financially, and have a stellar support system of friends and family.

So here's my biggest question -

My favorite donor has a really strong family history of males, and recent research says it really can be genetic and it's not always 50/50. I would hope to have 2 children in this journey. I'm wondering if this donor's strong history of boys should make me choose someone else. Mind you, it's not that I don't want boys. I want boys, girls - just healthy babies. But I also want those 50/50 odds. And sure, having a daughter would be nice too. One of each would be great. I'm my mother's only daughter. I feel like I at least want the chance of a girl.

All this said, I'd love to hear anyone chime in

As a single mom (or single mom to be)

1. What were/are you preferences pre-baby? Did you hope for one or fear that one gender or the other is more suited to a single mom? (i.e. the cliche "boys need fathers")

2. If you are a single mom, how do you feel now? Did you change your mind about preference? (i.e. you were hoping for one, had the other, and learned of new issues or that prior concerns were not a problem)

3. If a donor was a perfect match for what you were looking for, but you knew he was strongly predisposed to a specific gender and it wasn't one you were trying for necessarily, would you move to a different donor?


Thanks for all responses.

And hi!

Comments

  • eeh876eeh876 Posts: 168
    Hi riley!

    Like you, I am also 35 (as of a week ago) and ready to go- I just had my 1st IUI last week. Originally, I really cared about the gender. I would have been happy with any healthy baby, but I thought, like the cliche, that a boy would feel like something was missing without a dad. I even thought about gender selection to help facilitate having a girl.

    While I was still in the thinking stage, I mentioned this idea to several friends. One, whom is a single mom of two grown men, said that girls need the same thing as boys, namely a supportive family unit (which may or may not have a dad in it). In fact, she said boys may be easier to raise single, because their needs are more straightforward.

    At this point, I know I'll be fine whichever way it goes. I still would like a little girl, partly because my mom only has grandsons so far, and most of my friends have boys (plus girl clothes are cute, and I don't get to buy them often). But I'm past trying to manipulate that at all; I'm just ready to be a mom!

    Good luck to you in your journey! I hope you get one of each! ;-)
  • KarenRKarenR Posts: 105
    I will tell you something...
    When/If you go for a CVS (chronic villus sampling) test or amnio, you will meet with a genetic counselor and discuss all the very many genetic disorders your baby can have. (Downs Syndrome is just the beginning and far from the most serious)
    And then you will wait for the results - which are 10X harder to wait for then the TWW. And when (god willing) they come back normal, the last thing you will care about is gender - you will just be SO grateful that your baby is healthy.
    I promise!

    I am almost 35 weeks pregnant with a son and feel blessed beyond measure. I know I would have felt equally blessed with a girl.

    Choose the donor you like best!
  • GracasGracas Posts: 96
    I'll be honest and say I want a girl but of course would love a boy just as much. I want a girl because I think this may be my only child and would love to have one of those great mother/daughter relationships like you see in the movies...is that silly or what..she'll probably hate me by age 12! lol... I'd be happy with a boy too..Ideally, one of each but Karen is right..as long as their healthy, I wouldn't care if they were puppies! Just healthy babies
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