How do you all deal with the questions

mommy87mommy87 Posts: 103
in Single Mothers by Choice
I know I haven't been on in a very long time. But I really need some answers to some difficult things that have been said to me recently. I'm hoping someone on here can help me.

I've been getting a lot of questions on why I would want to do this?

Why would I want to be a single mom?

Does this mean you never want to get married?

How do you feel about the repercussions about bringing a child into life without a father?

I try to answer these honestly and truthfully, but a few of them hurt.

I know I can't make them all understand what I feel in my heart. Why I know I'm doing the right thing, But I wish they wouldn't be so mean.

If you chose to tell people about becoming a single mom, and you had these question asked to you. How did you answer them. Also how did you deal with the negative people?

Comments

  • jaydonsmomjaydonsmom Posts: 62
    Hi mommy87,

    I can tell you how I started off telling people, I said, "There's something I need to tell you. I'm not looking for approval. I'm not looking for advice. If you're reaction is negative, please keep it to yourself. But, I don't want for you to see me in a few months and wonder what's going on." Then I would tell them that I was going to do inseminations. The doctors said I can't wait anymore, etc. etc. I was also feeling these people out to see if they would be a support base once I have the child. If they were negative, then I would discount them as being there for me.

    After that opening, not many people actually asked any questions.

    The one that I got was it will be hard raising a child as a single parent--I answered that I know that, but so many women have done it successfully, what makes you think I can't. Then I would gently remind them that I'm not seeking approval or advice. I'm simply letting them know this is happening.

    As for the father comment, I answer that I have a father, but he wasn't worth much and wasn't involved in my life. But, I turned out ok. So, the happiness of my child is not solely dependent on having a father. Then I would remind them I am not seeking approval or advice.

    Everyone who knows me knows I don't want to get married again (i've been married before--no kids though). So, I don't get the question about not wanting to be married again. But, on the off-chance that I do meet someone and decide to get married, I said if I do, there are so many men who accept women who have children already and vice-versa. What's your point? Then I would gently remind them I'm not seeking approval or advice. You get the hint. :-)

    I will admit, the only person I allowed to question me more in-depth was my pastor. He's like a father to me. And I felt he needed to ask questions because of my possible ministry in church. Turns out he's not in agreement with my decision. So, I will be finding another church.
  • jaydonsmomjaydonsmom Posts: 62
    By the way mommy87, I would like to invite you to be a member of our private facebook group. None of your other friends can see that you are a member of the group or see your posts. Please friend me on Facebook by searching at cmgentryb@yahoo.com. Once I have friended you on Facebook, I will add you to the Singles TTC group. The group is totally secret/private.
  • Sunshyne2010Sunshyne2010 Posts: 91
    jaydonsmom,
    Can I join the Facebook as well? I will try to find you and send a request. I would really like to be apart of the group.
  • jaydonsmomjaydonsmom Posts: 62
    Of course Sunshyne, everyone single is welcome, whether already a mom or trying to become a single mom!!! :-)
  • Sunshyne2010Sunshyne2010 Posts: 91
    I tried to find you but I can't. Can you request me instead? My name on there is Sunshyne Jackson
  • jaydonsmomjaydonsmom Posts: 62
    Hi Sunshyne,

    Are you the one with the newborn baby in the photo? From New Jersey?
  • MGALBNMGALBN Posts: 325
    Jay/CMG I've been very wrapped up in my excitement of this process but in the back of my mind I'm always thinking of those unprovoked comments or unwanted questions. I consider myself a very private person and my knee jerk reaction to the questions Mommy87 stated is 'it's none of their business'. I haven't shared what I'm doing with people at work and I dread doing so. I feel like I can only be truly judged by One and their opinions have absolutely nothing to do with a bundle of joy added to my life. I don't plan on telling anyone until I'm pregnant and sucessfully in my 2nd trimester. That being said, I like your opening line and I may borrow it! :)
  • DrADrA Posts: 50
    I agree with mgalbn! It is no one business...it is going to be your child-your own responsibility. I myself did not share my plans with others but my parents (they are soooo happy). I am not planning to get anyone involved till I am ready for it. I feel it is safer for my work environment and social circle.
    Wishing us a ferile year and only good news!!
    dra
  • jaydonsmomjaydonsmom Posts: 62
    Hi MGalbn. I agree, it really is no one's business. However, doing this alone--I had to know who would be my support system because I am not close to my family. My mom is cool, but I don't expect her to be there for me the way she is for my sister with her kids. Sooo, that's why I started to tell people (only those really close to me). But, again, I started off telling them in a way that let them know their opinion doesn't matter and to keep the negativity to themselves. And sure you're welcome to borrow that line. LOL! That line, coupled with a very stern look, seems to work very well. LOL!

    And yes, Dr.A, I'm wishing us all a very fertile year indeed!!!!
  • MGALBNMGALBN Posts: 325
    Jay/CMG... I know it is much more complicated than that and everyone's support and inner circle is different. That's just my knee jerk reaction! My inner circle is EXTREMELY small, just my best friend, so I know what you mean about needing a support team. I'm not close with my family either and will probably not let them in for a while... I'll have to practice my stern look!!! Thanks for the advice!
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