Would you start TTC at 30 yrs old?

MNGingsburgMNGingsburg Posts: 11
in Single Mothers by Choice
I've always wanted to be a mother and to have at least 2-3 kids. For ladies in their mid-30s to 40s, would you have started sooner TTC if you could start over? Some of my friends are saying I should wait a few more years, but I can already feel subtle changes in my body that makes me think I should embrace motherhood now.

Comments

  • JustThinking10JustThinking10 Posts: 28
    Hello! I'm a mom of a 9 year old. I was only married 18 months. I am now planning to have another one as a single mom by choice. I'm 30 now and I can't wait to have another! Personally, I don't want to wait any longer to have kids. I think its probably different in your 20's, 30's and 40's...but its wonderful, amazing, challenging, and the hardest but most rewarding job you'll ever have at any age!
  • teachertracysteachertracys Posts: 43
    MNGingsburg-
    i am 39 TTC- would i have started sooner- 100% absolutely yes! after 3 failed IUIs- it is my biggest regret in life. but honestly i never thought i would be here.
  • nrileynriley Posts: 123
    I agree with teachertracys. At 40 and 4 failed IUIs I wish I would have gotten started a little earlier. I don't think I'll ever feel completely ready but now I wish I had more time to try. I say go for it.
  • MNGingsburgMNGingsburg Posts: 11
    Thanks so much ladies! My ob/gyn told me yesterday that my change from a 28-day cycle to a 25-day cycle over the last 3 months was not a sign that I'm approaching menopause. Regardless, I have my first appointment with a fertility doctor on Nov. 9th. I plan to order several vials so each child (probably just 2) will have a sibling from the same donor. For the first time in my life, I am hoping Mr. Right waits until I have my children to come along, assuming he ever does. He would really mess things up for me if he comes now. I feel so liberated to free myself from the need to be married to have a child.

    teachertracys - From what I've read, 3 - 5 attempts are not that uncommon, so don't be discouraged. Some people have commented that they switched donors and were successful too. Keep trying!
  • MNGingsburgMNGingsburg Posts: 11
    and thanks nriley!! Keep trying. I feel like a beneficiary of the 38-47 year old women who are the first generation of women who are openly embracing the desire to be a single mother by choice. I am from the South (i.e., Bible belt), and it is hard to part from cultural and family traditions. Ladies like you have empowered others of us to think about these issues earlier in life and to make decisions that are in our best interests. My motto in life now is to "write your own story."

    I haven't decided what, if anything, I'll tell my family, friends, and coworkers about the father, but I probably won't tell them anything for a few years until I've had a chance to think through how to tell my child(ren). (Just in case someone decides to blab it to them in a fit of anger.)
  • misskrismisskris Posts: 44
    I wish I would have started a little sooner but I have been dating and trying to meet Mr Right and I am no longer interested in that. Plus for the first time in years, I am doing ok financially and now Im determined to do it. Ideally, I should have looked at doing this around 33 or 34. I did not want to wait until I was 40 or mid 40s, I am 37 now so I still have a little bit of time but I am starting now. Good luck
  • emmynovaemmynova Posts: 4
    I'm 32 and I wish I'd have started thinking about this a lot sooner than I did. I met Mr. Wrong plenty of times, but never quite wrapped my mind around the notion that... I'm nearing the end of my child bearing years and, if I want children, it has to happen NOW, whether Mr. Right shows up or not. And, I have a limited window to make this happen as my job is going to get EXTREMELY insane in 18 months. After that dies down, I'll be pushing 35. And 18 months later... more insanity. And then I'll be 37... and on, and on.

    At this point in my life, I don't need a man to make me happy and I'm fully capable of raising a child by myself. My parents and close friends are completely supportive of my choice and think that it's a great idea. My mother brought up the notion that, if I have my children this way, I'll have a much more relaxed approach to relationships, as my biological clock won't be calling the shots anymore.

    As soon as the benefits from my new job kick in, I'll be starting the process. I know which clinic I'll use, I have the donor picked out, my mother and I are already arguing over names and all that's left is to get the IUI scheduled and get this show on the road!
  • MNGingsburgMNGingsburg Posts: 11
    That's awesome emmynova!! I feel like I'm in the same boat as you. Every woman is different and has her own schedule, but I really hope to be done having my 2 or 3 kids by the time I'm 35 or 36. As a kid, I never imagined I'd be 30 and not have any. I wanted 5 or 6 kids.

    I'm happy about where my career choices have positioned me, but it's definitely time for me to focus on my personal life for once. I went to the fertility doctor last week, and I asked one of the nurses whether I was one of the younger patients they see. She said no, and she had been trying for 10 years (since she married at age 22) to get pregnant, and by the time she was 30, she had to opt for major interventions to have a child (now 15 months old). If I had any lingering doubt, it vanished!

    I've picked out my clinic, I have a list of 3 donors, and I've even visited a natural birthing center that offers all the prenatal and delivery care. Unfortunately, I was mid-cycle when I visited the clinic, so I have 3-4 more weeks before my insemination.
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