Considering different donor ethnicities

BratchRBratchR Posts: 12
in Single Mothers by Choice
I consider myself to be more of a 'wordly' individual, open to raising a child from a donor who is not caucasian. I am caucasian and wonder if there are any single women who have chosen (or are considering) IUI from a donor with a different ethnicity. I am interested to hear your thoughts, insights, etc. If I choose to go through with IUI, I am considering donors from predominanetly Asian backgrounds, as well as caucasian. Thank you!

Comments

  • jonesnicky@aol.comjonesnicky@aol.com Posts: 3
    Hi:

    I have not been successful yet, but I am Jamaican of primarily Black heritage, although there is some Chinese mixed up in there. WhenI started I was a bit hung up with ethnicity, but then I went for my heart. My first donor was asian, second is white. Like you I am open to raising a mixed race child, provide dthat I can teach my child about his/her heritage. Having had a gazzillion negatives, at this point, I just want my baby. I think if you have supportive friends and family, your child will be secure regardless of his/her race.
  • tmthoyatmthoya Posts: 1
    Funny that I found this today. I am set on a donor (finally) but initially I couldn't decide on whether or not race mattered. I'm black, but on one side of my family, we have Latino and Asian Indian, so it's a virtual United Nations. I realized that all I wanted was a scenario where the child didn't feel like the "odd-man" out, resembling no one in the family at after holiday, let alone not resembling me or my parents, who are browner than I am. So, I choose a donor that's of mixed race, rather than Caucasian or Asian. At the end of the day, the only thing that was a "deal-breaker" for me was Open Identity, which is just to give my child the option of learning more about themselves when they're old enough to have a choice.
  • ypeaceypeace Posts: 2
    I know this is a chat for single mothers to be but i just happened to be reading the current postings. I am black and my husband is white so I am choosing a caucasian donor. Having been in an interacial marriage I know that it is important to be mentally prepared for prople who are not ready to accept the interacial world we live in. We always get looks, stares and scowels from people who just disagree with our being together. These are the same people who will target our child and yours with negativity so be prepared. The situation is by no means overbearing but it is just there.
    We are so excited about having a baby!! I will start my first cycle at the end of January. How is it going for you guys??
  • diversecity71diversecity71 Posts: 5
    I am caucasian but grew up in a predominantly arabic city in Orange County, California. I tend to date Arab guys and I hope to have a child that is half arabic and half me... So I chose a Turkish donor. I've only had one older woman make a comment and she tried to act oblivious to the point she was making. It annoyed me but I'm not going to let her burst my bubble. Luckily my mom is the least racist person I could find. Back in the day, OC was not race friendly. They tried to be but if you had an accent, dressed different, and did not behave like the typical caucasian then you were put on the outside. I remember being called nigger lips for a period of time because I made friends with the new girl in school and she was black. I remember going home looking closely at my lips in the mirror, realizing that for a little white girl my lips were a bit fuller.. eh... I shrugged my shoulders and life went on. My mother always encoursaged me not to let other people dictate what I did. When the poor Romanian family with 11 kids moved into the neighborhood, I was made fun of for hanging out with the poor kids with the funny accents. I did'nt care. They were decent. As poor as they were their mother insisted on trying to fatten me up... I respected her generosity.

    I suppose there will always be those people. That will scoff at a mix raced child but really they are just jealous. I think those people are already unhappy and by hating someone elses way of life they can overlook their own reality.

    I say Yahoo!!! For mix raced children... A butterfly is always beautiful, especially when it's colors abound.

    :)
  • 2beamom2beamom Posts: 108
    Yes, I am caucasian, but am considering donors of other ethnicities. If I could afford to adopt I certaintly wouldn't have excluded children of other races, so why would I now. I too like to consider myself an open, worldly individual. I am considering donors that are white, native american, and latino. Hope this helps! Nicole
  • sunshine3313sunshine3313 Posts: 37
    I am caucasian and have picked a donor who is east indian. I honestly looked at all ethnicities and just liked him best. I have a son already who is half mexican, so we will be a well blended family when this is done!
  • IventuraIventura Posts: 51
    B.
    I think having a mixed child is a blessing. Most of my friends are mixed. I am a light skinned Latina in a relationship with a beautiful African American woman. I chose a donor that would offer us the opportunity of having a child that will resemble a combination of the both of us. My family also ranges in shades from very light to rich chocolate hues. Good luck with your baby!
    -Ive
  • allyphoeallyphoe Posts: 28
    I'm the white mom of a half-Asian kid, and let me tell you, there's nothing that opens your eyes to subtle racism like grocery shopping with her. Random strangers have come up to me to say...
    - I always wanted an Oriental baby
    - Where did you get her from? (when she was under a year, I got this all the time)
    - Oh, she's so exotic looking!

    Oh, and the librarian at her school has an Asian daughter-in-law who is currently pregnant, and she's convinced that her grandchild is going to look just like my kid. So in addition to discussion her appearance in front of her, the librarian has also asked DD's teacher to invent errands to send DD to the library so the librarian can look at her some more.

    These were all nice, well-meaning white people who are probably congratulating themselves on their openmindedness and non-racism. I find it annoying; my partner (who is Asian) says DD may as well get used to it, because she's going to get it her whole life.
  • preciousgiftpreciousgift Posts: 2
    Anyone has any info on donor 11465
  • MNGingsburgMNGingsburg Posts: 11
    I am glad I found this post. I am African American, and frankly, there are not many African American donors available. Plus, I date across ethnic lines, so ethnicity is not a big consideration for me.

    To allyphoe: Some people are truly oblivious as to how objectionable their remarks are, especially people are not well traveled or otherwise familiar with different ethnicities.
  • Ms M404Ms M404 Posts: 111
    Gingsburg I too am African American, but I chose a donor with a different ethnic background. Because that is what I date. Plus my family is a blend and any child I have will fit right in.

    And yes I know that the world mayhave many things to say about and to my child, but I am sure I can teach them how to be a great human being and not to take there narrowmindedness to heart.

    M
  • nrileynriley Posts: 123
    Allyphoe

    I too am caucasian considering a mixed asian donor. i realize everyone is not as open minded when it comes to mixed ethnicity. Do u ever regret making this choice? I don't feel like I will change my donor selection but i want to be prepared for the ignorant people of the world.
  • trini778trini778 Posts: 18
    I to am an African American and I decided to choose a donor who was caucasian and black. I know the world can be mean, but I plan to show this child so much love..
  • JjaiJjai Posts: 8
    I am considering mixing too. I only have one other fully, if you can say fully, black cousin, the rest are mixed including my sister who is half white. I have a cousin who is Filipino...she was adopted and her adoptive mother is Greek. So in other words my family is so mixed it really wouldn't matter. I know that people can be mean but even when you are a lighter or darker shade of Black people make a difference. I guess as long as there is understanding and love they will be okay.
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