strange situation

abbyjennaabbyjenna Posts: 126
in Single Mothers by Choice
I am in a bit of an odd situation and was wondering if any of the other wanna-be single moms has found herself here.

I was seriously considering donor insemination a few months ago. Then I met someone. We've been dating for a little while, and finally brought up the subject of kids.

He said that even if things progressed quickly with US, that because of where his career is going and a back injury he's dealing with, it will be years before he's ready to give me a child. We both knew that that's a dealbreaker for me. I'm almost 35 and not willing to wait very long.

So he suggested the possibility that I go ahead with the insemination, and we continue to date. He's not sure he's onboard with this idea (although it was his idea), but he'll consider it.

What do you ladies think about that? I don't know quite what to make of it...

Comments

  • yamilayamila Posts: 16
    In the long run.... your wants and needs are the only one that counts. JUST DO IT!!!
  • Pamela MariePamela Marie Posts: 39
    If you do decide to do the donor insemination you cant expect him to be like "stepdad" to your child cause he already told you that he's not willing to give you a child/become a father yet.

    So you have to weigh your options, if you want a child now do the donor insemination but realistically expect/know that you're doing it as a single mom, and dont expect his support.

    On the other hand, if you want a family/marriage with that guy then maybe hold off on doing the donor insem, cause frankly that might spill your chances with him. You need to make a choice.
  • abbyjennaabbyjenna Posts: 126
    Thanks, Ladies. I definitely want to be a mom. I was all set to go through with it before I met him. I like the idea of marriage and all that, but for me the most important thing is to have kids. So I'm going to do it :) And if he wants to stay in my life then great. And if not, that's okay too.
  • yamilayamila Posts: 16
    Good Choice!
  • teachertracysteachertracys Posts: 43
    hi abbyjenna-
    i agree with yamila- hopefully he'll be around and eventually accepting if things work out with your relationship. you are living your life. i don't know how old you are, i just turned 39 and i regret not doing this sooner. i was- am- hoping to find mr. right someday and when i do, it's a package deal :) good luck and good choice!
  • tnctnc Posts: 85
    Hi abbyjenna-
    Follow your heart. Things have a way of working out the way it is suppose to. If he is the one and you are open with him about your dreams, feelings, and plans then he has the ability to make choices for himself without feeling blind-sided or not apart of the process. I hope everything works out for the best and you are a mom soon.
    Baby dust to you!!!!
  • ButterflyButterfly Posts: 47
    I'm sorry but why would you wanna be with a man who has clearly told you that he doesnt want kids now? He's even told you that even if things progressed fast between you two that he's still not ready to give you a child. Its a dealbreaker, like you mention, and its a red flag. If you really want a child you can do the donor process but not expecting that he might also go onboard. Best of luck.
  • Ms M404Ms M404 Posts: 111
    I agree with butterfly, if he does not want a baby then it is a deal breaker. But on the other hand I think you can continue to see him in a casual sort of way. Having a bit of normalcy will take your mind off all the baby stuff. And if you stress like me that will be a good thing :)
    Enjoy it while you have it.
  • KarenRKarenR Posts: 105
    I like to think of it this way. What if I met someone, and he said, "I have always wanted to be a father so I am on an adoption list and waiting for it to come through."

    I know that I would be supportive of his decision. We deserve someone who will support ours. It's a great decision!!

    :-)

    Baby dust to everyone!!
  • nbound72nbound72 Posts: 153
    I have found that going through this process as a single woman brings so many different scenarios that I never thought would happen. I am almost 38 and going through with IVF. Since I started this whole process, I have had a couple of guys who I knew from high school step back into my life. No, they are not someone I'd like to date, but they are so supportive of my decision. One is an old high school sweetheart. It's nice having a male companion in any form friend or boyfriend. Life is so crazy and although it's cliche, these things happen when we least expect it. Go through with the baby AND date him too. Enjoy it all and try not to think to much about it. It's a tough process so we need to have as much fun as we can.
  • abbyjennaabbyjenna Posts: 126
    Thanks everyone! I'm kind of thinking of it as having my cake and eating it too. The baby is a priority, and he knows it. SO, my thoughts are if he wants to stick around through it that would be wonderful. No expectations of him being a daddy figure or anything like that. I understand him not being ready for his own child now - his career is taking off and he won't be able to put all of himself into having a child. But... if he'd like to be around while I'm having mine... I'm happy with that.

    I appreciate the support and opinions on here. Thanks again!
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