beginning the process and nervous

tnctnc Posts: 85
in Single Mothers by Choice
I thought about IUI last year after I lost the first baby I tried to adopt from the state. CPS returned him to his birth mom who was still struggling with drugs. I had held him and loved him for six months. A week and a half ago, CPS came and placed my little girl back with her family also struggling with drugs. She was with me from the hospital and I had her for eight months. Both babies were born with drugs in their system. The CPS worker when she took her said, "You need to find a pregnant teenager, or do it by yourself." I have always wanted to be a mom and am devastated. I have a doctor's appointment in July to begin the process. My parents are supportive, but most of my friends think I am being selfish and worry about what people will think of me. I am hoping and praying that this new decision goes well and that soon I have a beautiful baby in my arms. I just feel nervous about the whole process and somewhat unsure of what to expect.

Comments

  • RStrasburgRStrasburg Posts: 46
    I am so sorry to hear about that. I couldn't imagine having a baby then it being taken away, twice.

    This is totally your decision and your life and you should not worry about what other people will think of you. If this is what you want then go for it! I wish you lots of luck and baby dust and everything else! These boards are great for support too. believe me these boards are what keep me going since nobody else in the world seems to know what we go through :)
  • MissNomesyMissNomesy Posts: 15
    tnc..

    I think you are an amazing woman, who is so strong and selfless.. What you have done for your previous two babies you are raised is incredible! I can only imagine your heartache.

    I have a little boy in Kenya that I have tried to go through an adoption process with. We fell head over heels in love with each other when I was working in the Orphanage he currently lives in. The Kenyan rules make it impossible for me to adopt him.

    I have recently decided to go through the donor process, and I also question myself sometimes if I am being selfish if I go through this process alone, but I just have to remind myself of how much I want a child, and even though I am single, I can provide a really happy life for my child.

    I think the only advice I can give you is: FOLLOW YOUR HEART!! Do what is best and feels right for you!! We cannot keep living our lives to what our friends and family expect is "normal"..

    Best wishes on your decision!
  • tnctnc Posts: 85
    Thank you both very much. I appreciate the support. It cheered me to know that there are other women out there working through the same issues. I am trying to figure out all the ins and outs of becoming pregnant: ovulation kits, timing, doctor visits, and figuring out my own cycle, which has never been consistent.

    MissNomesy, I am so sorry to hear about the little boy in Kenya. I know how hard it is to love someone and know that you can give him/her a good home and to have systems or rules keep you apart. You are in my prayers as is the little boy.

    I know for all of us single women we can provide good loving homes for our children. I have done it already.

    Thank you for your support.
  • MissNomesyMissNomesy Posts: 15
    You are so right! I got to speak to my little boy, Samuel on the phone the other night, I havent seen him since January, and I just realised, he is the only thing in this world that makes me as happy as he does.. he is so incredible! and it pains me everytime I see him, that he is growing up so fast and I am missing out on the most amazing times..

    You are in the same place as me right now, I have just started a calender with my cycle, so I can track how regular I am..

    It is even hard for me now as I am in Australia, and I have just found out, they cannot ship to my state.. So even more planning has to come of it for me!

    Ps. There will come a time when you will find out who your real friends are, because real friends will not judge you, and infact will do their very best to support you in every way they possibly can!
  • MistyandCarlaMistyandCarla Posts: 720
    Hi tnc...Wow...your story tugs at my heart. I can't imagine going through all that you've been through. You're an amazing person who deserves to have a child of your own. You can't worry about what others will think...you know in your heart that you have what it takes to love/raise a baby. That's all that matters...just think about all of the people out there who have babies that don't really want them. Those of us who really want babies and will go to the ends of the earth to have them should be the last people who are judged. You are doing the right thing...carry on my friend...may God bless you with YOUR baby...one that can never be taken away from you. Hugs.

    MissNomey...I'm sorry to hear your story too...there are so many babies that need adopted...you'd think the process would be easier than it is. I hope that your plans work out for getting around the shipping ordeal. Surely there's a way around that.

    Hang in there ladies...dreams do come true.
  • MissNomesyMissNomesy Posts: 15
    Thank you for your kind words! These forum's are so great for encouragement..
  • audriannahooveraudriannahoover Posts: 17
    tnc and MissNomesy,

    I seriously hope that I can be as selfless and strong and brave as you two are someday. You've been through so much, and I wish you both the very best because you absolutely deserve it. And tnc - I am SO there with you - my cycles are never regular and consistent, so I get to do the run around trying to figure out everything, too. Luckily, I have both parents that are helping me out. :)

    AH
  • MissNomesyMissNomesy Posts: 15
    Sometimes I think to myself, Is what I am trying to do, selfless, or selfish??

    With my kids in Africa, I had an amazing experience, but I fell inlove with them, and now everytime I have to leave, it is just too hard, and because they are older, they know what is happening, and they ask if I can be their Mum.. its not fair, and I know rules are there for a reason, but it sucks!

    I TOTALLY feel TNC's pain! but I think what she has been through is so much more real than mine, she has had those babies in her house, and in her life!

    She will really make an awesome Mum, it will happen for us ladies! One day soon enough, it will happen..
  • tnctnc Posts: 85
    Thank you all for your kind words. I have spent 2 weeks on vacation in Alaska and I have been trying to have my daughter returned. The family said that they wanted her to be returned to me for adoption, but the state said she had to stay with the family. The family have been gracious to let me see her every weekend, but that too has come to an end. The state did not like them letting me see her. She turns ten months tomorrow.

    You are all in my prayers and in my heart.

    MissNomesy, I know how hard it is. I am amazed that you keep going back to Africa to see your children and the little boy. Thank you for all of your work in Africa. It makes no sense to me why loving single people cannot adopt children who desparately want a home.

    Thank you again for your support and your words. I don't think you know how touched I was by them. God bless all of you. You deserve to have a child and will make wonderful moms.
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