Husband Concerned with Using Donor Sperm

springmom

Hello,

My husband and I are a loving couple. We had both planned to have kids. But right before we got married, we realized his body does not produce sperms.
So, the doctors told us our only option to have a child (other than adoption) is to go with the donor sperm.
I know this is not ideal for either one of us. But I can get over it becasue I want to have a baby. However, my husband thinks that this is unnatural. And, the donors are weird people who just want to impregnate as many women as possible.
I have done some research to see how donors get qualified and their rationale for donating sperms. Most seem to have charitable reasons. And, I have shared that info with my husband. But he doesn't buy that.

So, my question is: I know this decision is harder for him that it is for me. But I have a very limited window to try this option. And, I am wondering if there are husbands out there that were initially hesitant about using donor sperm. But they finally came around and they are happy about their change of mind.
What made your husbands change his mind? What would he tell some one that is grappling with this decision now?

Many thanks!

hoping4future

My husband was very upset about having to use donor sperm. Not because of the Donors, but because of our inability to have a biological child. It was difficult to have the TESA (sperm aspiration) surgery and IVF, to find out that his sperm is unable to fertizilize an egg. Our only option is donor sperm or donor embryo's. So, after much thought and discussion... we want a child. We want a child and we have to find a way to make that happen. We decided we would rather have the child be half ours (we have adopted too and it was amazing and expensive!). My husband said that he fell in love with me and would like to see a child that looks somewhat like me. We are choosing a similar donor to my husband. It is a huge blow to a man when he can not have a child with his wife. It is the same when a woman is infertile and can not concieve a child. You feel broken! So, I think that you have to come to a point where wanting a child surpasses then need to worry about the donor. If he would rather, you can adopt embryo's from another couple. Many RE's have this service. I hope you two can find a comfortable option. I know it was hard for us, but we finally moved forward. I am sure you two will as well... Good luck and I wish you the best in the future!!

CSS

Check out the thread titled "Feelings from the Father if married" (just a few below this one) for more comments on the same subject.

I'm sure your husband will come around once he gets used to the idea. He may need a little time to get over his male pride and realize that you two can be parents together, which is the most important thing.

--CSS

RStrasburg

My husband has a zero sperm count which definitely hurt to find out. Our Dr. told us basically that our option was to adopt. I have no problem at all with adoption. I think more people should adopt but at this time in my life I was not ready to think about that step.

I quickly learned of using donor sperm but I was not comfortable with it because I was afraid my husband would not feel that the baby would be his so I hesitated to tell him about this option.

Once day it came up and he was so excited about it! He told me that first of all it would be my child which means it would be his child. He also told me (tearfully!) that the second that the baby starts to grow inside me that he is going to be the man there to read and sing and talk to it in the womb and he's going to be the one there during delivery and its birthday's & the one who will be there to teach them right from wrong. he said he will be the childs father no matter who's sperm made that child. it took me a while to accept that this is the way we need to go but with my husbands support and enthusiasm we both are now so excited about the process and pray that this works.

We were lucky in finding a donor right away that has so many of the same characteristics of my husband. We knew right away who we wanted our donor to be as soon as I purchased the package and read the profile. It was the baby photo that had me sold!

I am in my 2ww now and neither of us ever even think about the fact that it isnt my husbands sperm.

I wish you luck! keep trying with him. Get him to do some research with you and have him look through donors with you. I think he is still in that mood where he is having a hard time accepting that he cant produce a child. Dont push him but dont drop the subject either. he will come around!!!

Woops sorry for such a long post!

jjr3

I know this must be an emotional time for you and my prayers are with you and your family. My husband and I desperately wanted more children and he could not produce sperm. Deciding to use a donor was a long process; we talked about it for a year before finally going through with it. In the end we both decided that we wanted a child and if it was half me then that was the best that it ever would be. We had all sorts of worries during the process and it was the longest 9 months ever wondering what the baby would look like or be like. Our daughter is now almost 9 months old and my husband could not love anyone more. He tears up when she holds her arms out to be picked up by him. She loves him so much..a total daddy's girl :) I have never seen a tighter bond between a daddy and his baby girl. He told me that he never thought he could love anyone more than me but that she has surpassed that love in ways he never thought possible (much to my delight I might add :) We chose a donor that resembled him and we constantly get told how much she looks like her daddy which makes him smile with pride. Her personality is also a lot like his. She has been our blessing and we have had no regrets at all. In fact, my husband wants another one right away! He said he thinks our donor must have been an angel. I wish you all the luck in the world and hope your dreams come true for you. Good luck!

Pamela Marie

JJr3- You must be very happy that things turned out good for you. That your husband loves your child as if it was his own. Although there are options for you to have biological children from your husband. Even if your husband doesnt produce any sperm you can still get pregnant with IVF. My RE has done many procedures of IVF where women who's husband dont produce sperm can also get pregnant. What he does is that he takes a very small amount of organ tissue, he scrapes cells of his scrotum or foreskin and uses that as a substitute for sperm, and it's a very successful procedure that has been done over and over with good results. Maybe you should look into that, find a doctor in your area that does this procedure in case you're still interested in having bio kids from your hubby. Good luck!

Elann

Here is an article about using donor sperm that my husband was a part of.

http://www.usatoday.com/news/health/2006-06-14-insemination-dads_x.htm