Decisions decisions.....

lizzieb40lizzieb40 Posts: 7
in LGBTQ+ Couples
Hello everyone,
My name is Crystal and i am 26. My partner and i are interested in having a baby and we were wondering how do you make the choice of wich donor to use! I mean seriously there is soooooo many and so many different credentials to each of them.

Can anyone help???????
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Comments

  • cavelleb23cavelleb23 Posts: 3
    Hi Crystal,
    My partner and I chose our doner (#11227) by combining all the great things we love about each other. Its difficult to find it all in just 1 person but, have patience during your search, he will come to you.
    Good Luck,
    Cavelle.
  • lizzieb40lizzieb40 Posts: 7
    Cavelle,
    Thank you for your reply. It is just so much harder than walking down the street and saying " he would make cute babies!" But we all know that in this day and age that is just not possible! At least this way you know what you're getting right?
    If you would ever like to chat feel free to e mail me.
    lizzieb40@hotmail.com
  • jonesnicky@aol.comjonesnicky@aol.com Posts: 3
    Hi Cavelle:

    I just chose 11227 for my soon approaching IVF. It was not a very difficult choice as he posseses qualities I admire in people. My partner claims he is a lot like me, although I disagree. I am not sure if you guys got pregnant; I am hoping I will. If that happens, I would love to communicate.

    Crystal:
    That's funny as in the beginning, I too did the "his baby would be cute thing"; in the end, I went for qualities that mattered to me, knowing that one day I will share this information with my child. All the best and congrats for starting early.
    CJ
  • allyphoeallyphoe Posts: 28
    We needed a specific ethnic minority donor, which limited our choices significantly. IIRC, the next limiting factor was "has confirmed pregnancies." Then we looked for non-physical characteristics that resembled the non-bio parent.

    FWIW, we had 4 unsuccessful tries with a "perfect" donor, who was sold out when we needed to order more. So we bought one vial of a donor who was a compromise, planning to switch the next month - but we got pregnant. And have a gorgeous, smart, funny 5yo who we wouldn't trade for the world. So whoever you use will be the right decision, even if you aren't 100% sure about it at the time.

    Things that weren't important to me at the time, but would be important to me if I were to be starting out now:
    - Identity release. I really see this as something good for my kid - it gives her options, even if she should choose not to exercise those options.
    - Not popular. I've got a 5yo, and our donor stopped donating at least 6 years ago, and he still has lots of availability. The last time I called, there were between 2 and 4 known half-sibs. I know some people really like popular donors, because they want a lot of half-sibs, but IMHO a donor is more likely to be interested in a future relationship with one or two donor-kids than with twenty.
  • jjr3jjr3 Posts: 79
    My husband and I were in the same predicament you are in. We poured over countless profiles. We did something similar to what Cavelle did. We were very systematic about it:

    1.) we needed a donor that looked like my DH so we chose the proper height, hair,eye color, blood type.

    2.) education was a big deal to us since we are both scientists so we then looked at that factor

    3.) We combined our talents (music, art, mathematical abilities etc.)and looked through short profiles for these things

    4.) Then we also looked for qualities mentioned such as mature, out-going/easy going etc.

    5.)once we limited our search to these it left us with about 6 solid candidates. I then bought long profiles and facial reports so that we could get a good health and appearance match.--by then we were down to 2 solid candidates.

    6.) I called in and asked them to give me an attractiveness value which they did for both guys and I picked the better looking. So, now we have our guy and I am going to start IUI. :)
  • baileysmombaileysmom Posts: 6
    When my partner and I were searching for donors we both searched seperately and then compared our numbers and narrowed it down by the matching numbers.

    We also looked for a donor that had certain personality qualities that we both liked as well as confirmed pregnancies with the donor.

    We ordered the long profiel and the audio after we got pregnant.
  • lizzieb40lizzieb40 Posts: 7
    Thank you all for your wonderful advice!!
    I am hoping that when the time comes it won't be as difficult as what we are making it out to be.
  • jramosjramos Posts: 5
    This message is in reference to someone who said that they were able to get attractivness values? Hos did you get this information and who provides that info???

    J.R.
  • allyphoeallyphoe Posts: 28
    I believe you can only get the attractiveness rating over the phone.
  • jenhar616jenhar616 Posts: 41
    My partner and I have finally decided on a donor! It was a long process, but have finally decided and have fallen in love with our donor. We are going to try ICI at home a few times before we go for medical intervention. Does anyone have any advice on home insemination that they would like to share? I am very nervous that I will "do it wrong" but the alternative is costly and would like to see if we could try the home method first....


    Thanks!
    Jenn
  • AppleblossumAppleblossum Posts: 16
    Hi Jenn, you are in luck. My husband and I used 2 ici vials at home (many thousands of miles away and 17 hours ahead of USA) just over 2 weeks ago. I am late for my period but do not have levels detectable in my urine yet, although I am nauseated and have changes in my breasts. I believe I ovulated on day 16 and we put the 2nd vial in 48-56 hours before that. Everything went smoothly. We just had gloves, goggles, syringe, warm water and my armpit ready. I also laid there for an hour with hips elevated. We were very nervous too. Only advice is to buy a couple of vials unless you live close to the cryobank. And relax. You won't ovulate if you stress about it! Good luck.
  • jenhar616jenhar616 Posts: 41
    Thanks Appleblossum! That kind of reassures me a bit. I wasn't going to purchase two vials at once, but maybe I will. It does up my chances. If you don't mind me asking...did you use an ovulation prediction kit and if so, which one?
    Thanks again.
  • siena23siena23 Posts: 5
    Hi there,

    This is a reply to CJ, mamasbandt, and Cavelle -- a late reply that I hope you will get if you are still checking this board.

    I also chose donor 11227. I had my third IUI 8 days ago and am waiting to take my test. I bought quite a few vials of this donor because I am committed to an open donor and I'm CMV negative so my choices were limited and I was so thrilled to find exactly what I was hoping for in a donor despite those limitations.

    When I finally do get pregnant, I would love to be in contact with other families using this donor. If you are also interested, please feel free to contact me.

    siena23@gmail.com
  • BilligsBilligs Posts: 5
    baileysmom, that is exactly what my partner and I are doing. I chose what I liked and she is chosing what she likes and then we will see if they match up. Prob being she is getting busy at work and only has so long to look. Like I said, she is new to this and I don't think she realizes how you have to do this some what in advance but I really hope that it takes the first or second time cause we are not getting any younger.
  • ArkmomArkmom Posts: 92
    Hi Cavelle, J.C. and Siena;

    I wanted to let you all know that I am due in March with a boy from 11227 and would love to get in touch with other families.

    Peace,

    Arkmom
  • jonesnicky@aol.comjonesnicky@aol.com Posts: 3
    Hi Guys:

    I just checked the board after many months. I am happy to hear about other using 11227. I just had my second unsuccessful IVF with this donor, but by everything, it looks like my eggs are the problem. I have developed a great friendship with Cavelle who is also using this donor. How is it going so far Sienna? Ark mom...congrats on you son. Please let us know when he arrives. I am certain he will be a wonderful child.
  • aquapacataaquapacata Posts: 13
    Hi all,

    I don't know if anyone's still reading this thread, but my partner and I are going to go with 11227, too, and were curious whether anyone else has pregnancies? Let me know!

    Allyphoe, I appreciate the comment about not being popular -- it's something I'm wondering about with 11227, too. But he seems to be so great that I don't know if that will be a deciding factor or not. Right now I think we feel set on him, though!
  • wildsojournwildsojourn Posts: 1
    Dear Aquapacata, Mamasbandt, Sienna,

    My parter and I will be using 11227,
    starting to try in March or April. We'd love
    to keep in touch, since our greatest concern
    in using donor sperm is that our child know
    other children who were also conceived through
    donor insemination. Of course, a few half-siblings
    would be even better. If I see another posting
    here indicating you are interested in making
    contact, we'd love to chat.

    J & J
  • mimibethmimibeth Posts: 35
    Hi, all. I am excited to see several of you are using 11227. When you all get pregnant, please keep in contact with those of us who aren't yet cuz we can't get on sibling registry!

    I understand not wanting a donor who has tons of kids, but actually, because he has so many vials, there is no way around it. At least the kids will have siblings!

    I am hoping to try IUI with 11227 around March 3rd IF my doctor will let me. He wants me to let my heart heal after a long procedure a few weeks ago.

    Any of you using 11227, please feel free to e-mail me at mmimibeth@aol.com With any luck, I will be pregnant 4 weeks from now.

    Mary
  • ArkmomArkmom Posts: 92
    Anyone who does get pregnant with 11227 and wants to keep in touch, email me at misskennedyesq@yahoo.com. When there gets to be about 5 or 6 of us, we should start a yahoogroup.
  • siena23siena23 Posts: 5
    Hi J and aquapacata,

    I don't know if you are still reading this board, but if so I wanted to say hi. I am in touch with Mary and Arkmom already, but wanted to give you my email. I have been on a break after 3 failed IUIs but will be resuming IUIs with 11227 in May. I have 7 vials so I am very hopeful that I will end up conceiving by this donor. I would love to stay in touch with others using him.

    Sonia

    sonia0223@gmail.com
  • ualtiggerualtigger Posts: 589
    Okay all you 11227'ers... how are you all doing??
  • momx2momx2 Posts: 134
    I am so glad I stumbled onto this one...we (dp and I) are currently in an ivf cycle tww with 11227! The numbers from this donor have been wonderful and this last cycle went really well, we are so glad we already purchased extra vials since he is retired now.
    Would love to stay in touch with you all!
    Melanie and Amy (dp)
  • azyoginiazyogini Posts: 13
    How can you tell if a donor is "popular" or not?
  • siena23siena23 Posts: 5
    Hi Melanie and Amy,

    I will be having my 4th IUI with 11227 in May. I'm also glad I purchased so many to start with since he is now retired.

    Best of luck to you with this cycle. Please let us know how it goes. I'll have my fingers crossed for you!!!

    Sonia

    sonia0223@gmail.com
  • momx2momx2 Posts: 134
    Thanks Sonia!
    This was the cycle, we got our bfp this morning!

    After 13 iui's and now 2 IVF's...this was our second try with this donor...it WORKED!

    So good luck! You picked a good one!
    Melanie
  • siena23siena23 Posts: 5
    Congratulations, Melanie!!! That's amazing! A long time in coming for the two of you. Everyone does seem to have great luck with this donor, and his counts are very high, so I have my fingers crossed. I'll keep you posted. Best wishes to you and Amy!

    Sonia
  • mimibethmimibeth Posts: 35
    Hi All.

    I posted on a different thread that I am 6.5 weeks pregnant using donor 11227. If the pregnancy goes well and I carry full-term, I am due the week of December. It was only my second attempt, and I am SO grateful.

    For others using 11227, my e-mail is mmimibeth@aol.com. My aol doesn't let me post on California Cryobank site very often.

    I go in on Friday to hopefully see a heartbeat and a yold sac. I went in last Friday at 5 weeks and 6 days and saw only a gestational sac. The Dr. thought he saw the heart flashing occasionally, and was pretty sure he saw a yolk sac, but with his old transabdominal ultrasound machine, and an empty bladder, he just couldn't tell for sure. I am hopefully, and just glad I have the capacity to become pregnant.

    Mary
  • momx2momx2 Posts: 134
    Congrats Mary!
    Please let us know how the u/s goes tomorrow. Our u/s is the 22nd, dp will be almost 8 weeks. She has only been monitored by bloodwork so far.

    Can't wait to hear! Good luck!
    Melanie
  • momx2momx2 Posts: 134
    Wanted to let you all know that we had our u/s Friday and we are pregnant with Identical TWINS!
    They share a sac but will have own placenta.

    Dp is 8 weeks. Heartbeats were perfect, measured perfect. Go back in 5 days to check that they are growing the same rate! THANK YOU 11227!!!!!!!!
    It is the best gift ever, the biggest blessing we can imagine! Hope you ladies are doing well!

    Melanie and Amy
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