Raising a Child on Your Own...

BratchR

Hello Single Mothers and To-Be Mothers...

I shared my consideration of IUI with my parents over the holidays. For the most part, they were supportive of the option...yet concerned that I might be making an "impulsive" decision. I felt discouraged by this...but the reality of their concern opened my eyes to something that is a major decision factor: the cost in raising and caring for a child on my own...and on a modest income. They quickly made it clear to me that they would not be a day-care center...which of course I wasn't expecting they would be. Though I would hope they would be interested in building a connection/relationship with their future grandchild, considering they live less than an hour away from me. My income falls in the range of $60-65k, annual gross. For the most part, it is good income on paper, but to live in California, the expenses are so high. I would definitely have to work full-time...which I would have to pay for child-care on a 4-5 day/week basis. I'd be so appreciative to know how single mom's, who have to work full-time make it work???! How do you afford raising a child on your own, without financial support from anyone else???

Thank you!

ryanhl

Hi BratchR,

I totally relate to your story. My mother, who I love dearly, told me that she can't raise another child.... which I wasn't asking her to. It totally hurt my feelings. If it makes you feel any better, my income falls more in the $40k range. (school teacher) The part that will be that hardest for me is the daycare & health insurance. But I know that I would truly regret not trying having a child.... so I am willing to take the plunge into thriftiness. I really worry about the financial aspect also... so I guess I don't have any good advice, just understanding. :)

mimibeth

Girls,

I make less than you both and half my income goes to my house payment! But don't worry. It isn't as hard as you think. First, let your family & friends know your plans, and ask them to keep their eyes out for bargains at Salvation Army, Goodwill, yard sales. As a child grows, it is EASY to find like new name brand clothes at these places. The biggest expenses will be diapers, formula for those who don't breast feed, health insurance, and daycare. Downsize on your vehicle if you can. Buy generic food beginning now. Eat out a couple times a month instead of a couple times a week. You can do it! It is scary. Downsize your home if you must. Just try to stay away from the credit cards!

Truthfully, I'm not sure how I will do it either. I am working 20 hours overtime a week currently to pay on bills as much as possible NOW, before I get pregnant. When pregnant, I will continue to work OT to some extent while I can.

If I qualify for some kind of help or public assistance, I will humbly accept the help in order to alleviate pressure so I can enjoy my child(ren) with less anxiety about finances. I've always worked full-time and have a masters degree working as a professional in a small southern, low-paying, poverty stricken area, so regardless of my title and degree, wages will remain low in this area I live.

Just plan now. Work OT or get a 2nd job until you are unable to do so. Stop spending except for necessities and use that money to pay down on bills now. You can do it. Good Luck!

sunshine3313

I am not pregnant (yet), but I honestly do not have it fully mapped out yet myself. Daycare is my biggie. For starters, my car should be paid off this year. I am committed to keeping this car for at least 2 years after it is paid off. Next, I am buying gift cards to the grocery store I shop at from time to time. I have several hundred in gift cards there already. This probably sounds sooo silly, but it makes the most sense for me. This way, maybe once a month or something I can pay a full grocery bill with the gift cards. Or maybe diapers and formula with the gift cards for a year. I haven't fully figured that out yet, but I know it will help. My mother lives an hour away and has given me a one year commitment to one day a week day care. I certainly would prepare for paying for daycare if I were you, however once they see their little grandbaby, they may be willing to do something similar.

It will be a struggle, and there will be expenses you had not prepared for. Have no doubt it will be worth every pinched penny!

buffettqueen

I have finally decided to move forward with trying to get pregnant after researching and making excuses on why not for over a year. My excuses were mainly driven by fear. My family lives on the other side of the country and I am here on my own. I have ultimately made the decision to not move back home where I know I will get more emotional support than I have here - because financially, I am much better off here. If I need to move later, I can do that.

That said - I know I will be paying out for daycare full-time and for sitters if I plan on any adult-only activities occasionally. Everyone keeps telling me it all works out on its own. I'm believing in that. I'm ready for my life to totally change!

beatrice00

Raising a child is expensive but not impossible. I am in NYC with a mortgage and $60,000 in salary. Because of my daughter's expensive day care I have to sell my home in this terrible market but I don't care. Having my girl is the best thing that ever happened to me. I am actually waiting to start an IVF cycle for a second child. Don't worry about it. You'll find the money somehow even if you'll have to downgrade your living conditions a bit.

Nikki27

I'm new to this...seriously thinking about ici to conceive. I am a divorced mother of two, my children are six and four, and I SO badly want more children. I have not been in a relationship in a while, and honestly not sure that I want to be. I would really like to be done having children by the time I am 30. I am almost 28 now. My main concerns are what people will think....what do I say when people ask who the father is? Should I really care? How do I explain it to my son and daughter? And what do I tell my future baby when he or she is asking why they don't have a dad when the two older siblings are going to visit my ex husband? Any advice?

pol100

It is expensive to raise a child by yourself but it is also worth it. I have a toddler and my only relative it my mother and she's abroad. As the others said, downsizing is part of the answer. The other expenses do take care of themselves such as second hand clothes, hand me downs but day care is the cost that you will be struggling with. But think of it this way: that struggle is for a few years only till they are at school and then the burden eases. You also don't need to go to the most expensive day care place in town. When they are younger, it's the loving environment that counts the most and there are many day care providers that operate from their own home with a small number of children and much more reasonable prices. I and many people I know have good experiences with that sort of setup. So you will find a way to make ends meet.

MamaLaura

Nikki - I'm going through much of the same.

I'm divorced and with two children. I'm only 22, and my children are only 3 and 2, but I want more children very much and I honestly don't really care to be in a relationship. I like being on my own. I'd also like to be done having children by the time I'm 30, but I obviously have several years to go... Still, I don't want to wait until then either. And I don't see why I should have to.

I wonder how to explain my decision to everyone. I've only mentioned it to a couple of people, and most don't understand. I shouldn't care, but I do. Though not enough to change my mind. And I do question how I'll explain to my kids. My BIGGEST question of all is the last one you asked... "And what do I tell my future baby when he or she is asking why they don't have a dad when the two older siblings are going to visit my ex husband?"

I don't really have any advice, but I wanted to let you know I'm in the same boat :o)