First time single mother...ready to start my journey

melissaprestwoodmelissaprestwood Posts: 136
in Single Mothers by Choice
In one month from today I have my initial consultation scheduled to start my family. I'm going 2 days after my 34th birthday, I'm single and just tired of waiting for the "perfect time" and "perfect man".

I'm super excited, the nerves aren't really kicking in yet. I'm not going to choose my donor until after my consultation and I learn everything from the doctor. But I do have a few narrowed down.

If anyone has any advice, please share. :)

Comments

  • eeh876eeh876 Posts: 168
    You sound just like me about a year ago! I went in for my first consult last July, right before my 35th birthday. Now I'm expecting my little one in October!

    I narrowed my choices, but didn't actually choose my donor until a week or two before my first IUI- I kept vacillating between a few of them.

    I would just say try not to stress too much, keep busy during the 2 week wait (the time between your IUI and the first opportunity to test for pregnancy), and don't get discouraged if it doesn't take the first time.

    At this point, just take it one step at a time. I felt very overwhelmed at first, but looking back on it all it wasn't so bad. They'll give you a list of things to do and appointments to make, and you'll be fine. For me, the trickiest part was the first steps- figuring out where to go, what was covered by insurance, etc. You've done that, so you're on your way. ;-)

    Good luck to you! We're here for you if you need it.
  • melissaprestwoodmelissaprestwood Posts: 136
    Thanks so much for the encouragement. Thankfully I have a very big close support system. My parents are ecstatic, my close friends are on the edge of their seats waiting to plan a baby shower.

    I'm on pinterest constantly pinning craft projects, I think that is what I will do to keep busy and calm my nerves...crafts crafts and more crafts. LOL.

    Congratulations to you! So exciting to be expecting. I've been talking to my obgyn about this for 3 years, she will be thrilled when I go in for my first pregnancy appointment with her. She told me that it is more common than you would think, she has had several patients recently that have decided to have a family on their own.

    I'm trying to mentally prepare myself for more than one try.

    So excited! YAY!
  • austingurlaustingurl Posts: 202
    All I can do is reiterate what eeh876 said. Keep busy and focus on the next appointment or test. Planning months down the road can be overwhelming. Oh, and find a dr you trust completely. I love my dr and we have a great working relationship. He and his staff have been so supportive and kept me informed of everything.

    I went in a month before my 35th birthday. It took me 5 tries to get to pregnant. I had a miscarriage, and I thought I was done. There was no way I could go through that again. I think the only reason I tried again was because I still had a vial left and my dr gave me an amazing pep talk. I tried again right away. I am now 10 weeks pregnant with twins from try #6. Don't get discouraged if it does not work right away (althought I hope it does). Just keep focused on your goal.

    As far as choosing a donor, I narrowed it down to 4 or 5. My main criteria was an open donor but everyone has different things that matter most to them. Then I had my sisters and 3 best friends vote on their favorite. Luckily, they voted overwhelmingly for the one who was my favorite too. It was pretty funny. One friend developed a point system to grade them. My sister just looked at baby pictures. My other friend looked strictly at medical history. Basically, everyone chose on different criteria but they call picked the same guy. So, I went with him. It worked out perfectly. I bought 6 vials and used all 6. I was kinda nervous about using my last vial. He is no longer available, and I worried about it working and me wanting a sibling in a few years. Little did I know it would work so well. Now, I am getting 2 in one shot so I got my baby and sibling and they will be full siblings:)
  • melissaprestwoodmelissaprestwood Posts: 136
    I am choosing an open donor for sure. I am going to ask my friends to help me choose. I def want to see the childhood pictures first, that could change the whole ballgame. LOL.

    I want more than one too, and twins runs heavily in my family. If they can't have the same donor, I'm ok with that, I hope they are :)

    Congratulations!!! So exciting to have twins! And sounds like you have a great support system.

    I'm so glad to be able to talk to women and get insight from women who are going through the same thing. Some people just don't understand the strong desire to want children so badly. I just can't imagine not being a mother. Love can come later on.
  • SkylarkingSLPSkylarkingSLP Posts: 3
    Sounds like my story as well, although I was a bit older when I decided to bite the bullet and have my baby (40). I had my darling daughter in April 2011 and although I was very nervous, I can confidently say it was the best and scariest decision I've ever made!

    As far as advice, well all I can tell you is what was important to me in selecting a donor: age (the younger the better...faster swimmers), clean family medical history, and of course hair/eye coloring, and height/weight combos. I was lucky. I thought it would be a never ending search for "the" donor sperm. I narrowed my selections down to three, bought the packages, of course asked all my friends to view the profile, examine the medical history, see the baby picture, and listen to the audio sample. It was thankfully unanimous and I was able to buy the last 8 vials of my guy. Only needed to use 2 and BOOM! I was preggers. I never thought I'd end up being "Fertile Myrtle"! LOL

    I did end up with a closed donor, but I signed up for the sibling registry just in case there are any half siblings out there who would like to connect one day.

    Curious to hear about your special journey, so please keep us posted!
  • melissaprestwoodmelissaprestwood Posts: 136
    Getting more nervous and excited. My first appointment is next Friday!!! I will def post after my appointment.

    Thanks so much for all of the encouraging words!
  • pammodugnopammodugno Posts: 55
    I am 42 years old and just starting my journey!! I had an IUI on Monday and now 2 ww!!! So glad to hear some success stories Congrats sky and austin!
  • melissaprestwoodmelissaprestwood Posts: 136
    I got my results from my Progesterone tests. They were too low. So we are going to do a round of Clomid this week and first IUI should be next week.

    Praying that this isn't a major setback.
  • hope2bmomsoonhope2bmomsoon Posts: 39
    I started my journey just before turning 39. I met someone 2wks after turning 39 and thought he was the one. After 2 1/2 yrs together we broke up and I started the journey again 6 months before turning 42. I had my first IUI w/trigger shot 2 wks before my 42nd bday. Unfortunately it did not work. I tried to schedule another IUI in October but timing was off with delivery of donor and my ovualtion. I will try again in November. I bought 5 vials so hoping it will work soon. So I am keeping the faith and hope this will all work out! I have wanted to be a mom since I was in my 20s but always waited hoping "the one" would come along. I give all you girls in your 30s credit for having the strength to take on this journey earlier than I have. Good luck to all !!
  • melissaprestwoodmelissaprestwood Posts: 136
    I met someone a few weeks before my first appointment. I told him and he asked me to put it off for a year and I told him no, I've already put it off too many times. He is very supportive. The relationship isn't going anywhere right now and I don't regret my decision to tell him no.

    Now I'm stressing over the low progesterone levels. Idk if they r low naturally or because of my age. I'm 34, I wasn't expecting there to be any problems. But I'm not letting it discourage me.

    Good luck hope....keep us posted!
  • pammodugnopammodugno Posts: 55
    Good luck Melissa and Hope! I wish I started this journey in my 30s but so grateful for all the advanced medicine!! Better late then Never!
  • melissaprestwoodmelissaprestwood Posts: 136
    Thank you Pam...I hope you have an easy 2ww :) with positive results. This is the most stressful thing I've ever dealt with...how am I gonna survive it? Trying to stay relaxed, not working very well. A glass of wine sometimes helps, but that won't help me next week.

    I had another ultrasound today, doctor counted 12 follicles. She said that she could check my progesterone levels again and it's possible they will be normal, but she'd rather be safe and make the most from the IUI and give me the best chances of it working the first time.

    So I have another u/s next week to see if the follicles are maturing, then I will start OPK and praying by the end of next week I'll do my first (an hopefully only) IUI.
  • pammodugnopammodugno Posts: 55
    Thanks Melissa! I just tried to keep extremely busy!!! Went out dancing a lot!! I hope that is your 1st and only IUI and mine too! Where do you live? I live in Somers Point,NJ.
  • melissaprestwoodmelissaprestwood Posts: 136
    I'm in New Orleans. Did you make out ok with the storm?

    I hope it is our 1st and only too! :)
  • pammodugnopammodugno Posts: 55
    I am so thankful that my home is fine after the storm.

    Best of luck!!
  • melissaprestwoodmelissaprestwood Posts: 136
    That's great news. My heart goes out to everyone out there facing this, living in New Orleans my entire life, trust me, I know exactly what everyone is facing. We just went through it again 2 months ago and still cleaning up.
  • pineappleprincesspineappleprincess Posts: 3
    Hi, I am 22 years old and thinking about using donor sperrm to start a family in a year or two. Am I crazy to be thinking about this in my 20s???
  • melissaprestwoodmelissaprestwood Posts: 136
    I read your post and I don't look at it as giving up on finding love. My point of view is that I don't have the rest of my life to have children, but I do have the rest of my life to find love. I haven't given up at all, but I do know that since I made my initial appointment men are coming out of the woodworks, and I refuse to put it off any longer, but I'm more casual and easy going about dating now. I think it's because I've taken the pressure off of myself to rush into a relationship thinking "ok is he the one? if we move at this rate we can be married by this time and start having children at this time".

    I can't tell you anything about your age, it is completely up to you. I always thought I'd have my family in place before I turned 30. And in my early 20s I started thinking if I'm 30 and not married or no hopefuls I'm doing artificial insemination. I've always told my family and friends that. And here I am 34 and been talking to my doctor about it since I was 30, I've put it off hoping the "one" would come along. I'm tired of waiting. I can't control someone else and how they feel. But what I can control is this...to an extent...God willing, it will be the perfect choice for me.

    I hope I at least helped some. Good luck. And I know you probably hate hearing this, because I sure do, but you are very young. You have plenty of time to figure it out. But if it is definitely what you want, don't put it off.

    I'm reading a book right now called "Knock Yourself Up", I suggest reading it. It may help you out.
  • pammodugnopammodugno Posts: 55
    Pinapple
    I am 42 years old and starting my journey! You are so young you have plenty of time. You have at least 10 years but don't wait 20 like I did. I was divorced at 30 and wasted a lot of time with many emotionally unavailable men. I wish I let all those losers go sooner. I wish I focused on someone who wants a healthy, serious, committed relationship and children. I reallly liked the book choosing single motherhood. That might help make things clearer to you! Good luck with your decision!
  • BanditBandit Posts: 348
    Pam, I am the same age as you when I started my journey of getting pregnant. Keep positive thoughts, I got pregnant right away on my first IUI, and I used no meds. My son was born 7 plus weeks early and he is in the NICU and doing well.

    Try to have a glass of wine on the day of your insemination or even try acupuncture. I did both and found myself lucky. My doctor uses no meds or us. He used just OPK's for the LG surge. I was nervous that I missed it, so I tested many times a day and was shocked when I found out I was pregnant. It was the best decision that I made, now I am just waiting for my son to come home. Hopefully soon. he weighs almost 6 lbs so we shall see. He only has one more milestone to pass and I hope it is soon. he is only 38 weeks 3 days so he isn't even term yet.

    it was the scariest but best thing i did. i have meet so many wonderful people in the NICU that will be good friends for ever.

    Good luck and keep us up to date. I delivered when I was 43.
  • melissaprestwoodmelissaprestwood Posts: 136
    Praying for you and the baby Anissa.

    My progesterone levels were low so I did a cycle of Clomid. Went in this morning and the dr saw 2 nice huge follicles...she laughed and said "you're ok with twins right?". So in the next few days I'm expecting a positive with the OPK and it's time!!!!!

    So excited...and nervous. And like you said, def having a glass of wine! Wish I had one right now. LOL!
  • pammodugnopammodugno Posts: 55
    Well I got BFN and they said expect AF soon :(
    .
  • melissaprestwoodmelissaprestwood Posts: 136
    I'm sorry. Don't get discouraged. It will happen! Stay positive!
  • pammodugnopammodugno Posts: 55
    Thanks Melissa!!I am bouncing back and ready to try again if all goes well!
  • melissaprestwoodmelissaprestwood Posts: 136
    Good, don't let it get you down. I know it's way easier said than done.

    I had my first (and hopefully only) IUI this morning. Thinking fertile thoughts! haha
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