SO INCREDIBLY ANGRY!!!

Omesaara

I am BEYOND pissed right now!!!!

So, apparently my so-called "best friend", another mutual friend of ours, and my husband were talking about me behind my back. My "BFF" of 8 years thinks I should seek counseling because of my "baby obsession". She apparently said that she couldn't stand to be around me when this is all I talk about or think about, and she just wants the "fun Liz" back.

WTF?! First of all, she has not bothered to call me, hang out with me, or invite me to parties in at LEAST 6 months. I am not invited to her girl's night out bashes, I wasn't invited to her birthday party...NONE OF THIS. After 7 years of TTC, these past 2 months have really been the breaking point for me. I am LITERALLY at my wit's end and thinking more about it now than I EVER have before, and even so, there are people I have seen EVERY DAY FOR THE PAST TWO MONTHS who didn't even KNOW I was going through all this, so you CAN'T tell me that is ALL I talk about...if that were the case, how come all those people I see and talk to on a DAILY basis had NO CLUE what was going on? OBVIOUSLY if SO MANY people who I am in DAILY contact with had NO hint that I was going through all this, CLEARLY this is NOT all I talk about every damn day!!!! I CAN FUNCTION LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, YOU KNOW.

And I am sorry...yes, I have talked to her about it in the past, but if you can't talk to your "best friend", who CAN you talk to? I remember a CRAPLOAD of late night/early morning conversations when she was sobbing and wanting to kill herself over something her HUSBAND said or did...and never once did I suggest she needed therapy. All I did was LISTEN, offer to come over and help in any way I could, and be there for her. Is it too much to ask for a little reciprocity?!

Oh, and on top of that, let's also point out that when she had HER daughter, they tried for a grand total of THREE MONTHS to get pregnant...and since then, she had one pregnancy scare in which she literally told me she would have an abortion if she was pregnant (she turned out NOT to be) because, and I quote, "I can love all living things, but NOT THAT." So she has NO FUCKING CLUE what this is like. NONE. (Oh, and P.S. apparently she and her husband decided to start TTC for their second child, but they didn't tell me because they think I'll get pissed at them. Nice.)

And, to piggy-back on this, I've BEEN to psychologists before...when my college fiance and I broke up, and again when ex-husband and I were getting a divorce. THEY NEVER HELPED ME. I much prefer to talk to people whom I KNOW and LOVE...people who have a personal interest in ME and MY well-being...people whom I THOUGHT cared about me. If she's too busy to listen to me or too sick of hearing me out, then why does she CALL herself my friend? It makes me sorry I ever took the time to listen to HER and help HER when SHE was going through hard times too. Maybe I should have just said SHE needed counseling and left it at that. Maybe I WILL next time...

If she truly cared and was concerned, maybe she should have taken the time to invite me over and let me talk...maybe let me cry and listen for a while...maybe invite me for a fun girl's night out to get my mind off of it...not tell my husband to take me to a shrink! And what really frosts me even more is that this apparently happened a MONTH ago and my husband kept it from me because she told him not to tell me that they talked about it, and the only reason I found out now is because we were having an argument over a CURLING IRON and he told me that even my friends don't want to talk to me anymore. (And he wonders why I'm mad about THAT too...)

I am so beyond angry right now I can't even see straight. Am I out of line here, or would you be pissed off too???

Omesaara

Oh, and when she told me she would abort the baby if she was pregnant, I never said a thing to her about it, even though she knew I was trying to have another baby. I kept my mouth shut, even though it was a highly insensitive thing to say. And now she wants ME to censor myself for HER?

smaciegracie

Sorry your having that problem, but when you go through something like this you'll find that people just don't understand and some don't care enough to want to understand.

Hazeleyes

Omesaara, sorry that you are so upset don't let anyone stress you. All that negative energy is not good for you. A real good friend stick by you through good and bad no matter what dicission you make in life...I wish you lots of luck !!!!

Jamwilson12

Omessara,

You shouldnt let someone get to you like this.
Since going through this process, ive had to let some of the negative people in my life go, because I didnt want the extra stress in my life. For people who didnt agree with my choice to be a single mom, I had to let them go too. I miss them, but I/you need to surround yourself with positive people and all this other stuff let it go. Stay positive!

neaneacc

Omessara,

Keep your head up, and try to stay positive. I suspect that your friend is being very passive aggressive about the whole baby topic. It seems as if she can't understand just how important this is to you, and I wonder if she is jealous about losing time with you. Even if it seems to be against your better judgement you should try to talk to her about it because I think you are probably both hurting. If you were BFF for 8 years she must have some redeeming qualities. I hope this helps!

Renee

2beamom

Omesara, I am so sorry your supposed best friend is being so insensitive. I don't think people who are not going thru this Can understand. When you want to be a mommy more than anything, it is hard. I also agree with wanting to talk to people you trust, true friends,and family, ifeel the same, a counselor who doesn't know you can be too impersonal for some. I think this process puts your emotions into overdrive, it also helps you to weed out the people in your life that aren't really there for you. I am sending you lots of hugs and would recommend taking just a short break if you've been at this every month for seven years, I can not imagine. Taking a break helped me tremedously. Sometimes by giving up control things finally start to fall in place. As far as your 'friend" goes, "some people are meant to be in our life's forever, some only for a short time." God bless and may your dreams come true in the right time for you. blessings Nicole

Omesaara

Thanks, all. I've just been kind of minding my own business lately. I'm in the middle of performing my current show and starting out working as stage manager for my next production, so I don't have a lot of time to dwell on things...good thing, since I'm nearing the end of my 2ww. I don't even have time to dwell on THAT lately, which is a blessing.

This cycle just feels different...and I don't know whether that is good or bad. Part of the problem is when I was pregnant with my daughter, I didn't even KNOW I was pregnant until I was a good 7 or 8 weeks in. I had NO symptoms whatsoever except the late period and the sore boobs. But I get sore boobs every month with my period, so that means nothing to me. Last month when it was a BFN after my 1st IUI, I didn't have sore boobs...so I thought that was weird. THIS month, however, I feel NOTHING...no fullness, no twitchies or twinges in the abdomen...but my breasts have been SO sore since Tuesday. And it very well might be my imagination, but my bra really seems to be fitting snugly (my boobs keep spilling out over the top and I have to adjust them at least 10x a day...no joke). And, I swear my areolas have darkened too. BUT I can't get my hopes up because A) I was on hormones this month, so it could very well be from that, and B) any of these could also be AF symptoms.

I'm testing on Tuesday, cd28. We shall see. Until then, I have a show every night to keep me busy (even Monday...it's our Industry Night for theatre professionals to come see the show!). So I have plenty to do to keep my mind occupied...