Words of Encouragement

steph6733

I am new to this experience, and as a 34 single professional woman, am looking for any words of encouragement or thoughts about the experiences they may want to offer. Like may other in this situation, I have not found Mr. Right, and I am at the point in my life where I know that this is the right thing to do. I am established and I know I can take care of a child. I have a good family network, but am finding it difficult to tell them about wanting to take this step in my life and the decision that I am moving forward with.

Have any others had this internal struggle of how much do you tell people, both family, friends and co-workers? Has the process been emotional for people and how much have you needed to rely on people? Any thoughts would be appreciated.

austingurl

The best advice is to do what is right for you and your situation. I can tell you how I went about telling others.

I told my three best friends from high school first. They were all very supportive. I chose them because I knew they would be the easiest to tell. One of them had some fertility issues while trying to conceive so she could help me with questions to ask the doctor and other advice.

I decided not to tell my family right away. Mainly because I was a little scared to tell them and because I wanted to make sure it was even a possibility for me to conceive since I have PCOS. Also, my sister has PCOS as well and her husband has a low sperm count, so she underwent fertility treatments and was unsuccessful. I knew me trying to have a baby would bring up issues for her and my mom, who was extremely upset and had a hard time watching my sister struggle. I didn't want to tell them and cause them problems until I knew it was even possible for me to have a baby. After I went through the initial testing and found out I was not ovulating on my own, I decided to wait and tell them after I started ovulating. I did make a few jokes about having a baby with donor sperm when I was around them just to gage their reactions. So, went I started on the femara, I told them. I wanted to tell them before the actual IUI because I didn't want to have to go home and explain I was pregnant and what I had done without telling them anything. I knew my family would buy into the process more if they felt a part of it. So, the day I started the medication, I called my mom and two sisters. They were all extremely supporitve. Then, after I narrowed it down to 3 donors, I had my 3 best friends, mom, and sisters each vote on their favorite. It helped them understand the process by reviewing the information and it helped me make a really hard decision.

Then, I decided to tell my boss. She was great about it. She was the only person at work I told. I chose to tell her because I knew I would need a few hours off here and there for appointments and I wanted her to understand what was going on. I have since switched jobs and haven't told my new bosses yet. I am currently working from home so I haven't had to tell them yet, but I will once we are in the office and I need to leave here and there for appointments.

I have not told my extended family yet. They will be mad if it works and I didn't tell them, but frankly, they have boundary issues and I didn't want to deal with all their questions. I know they will be supportive, but I have just chosen not to tell them.

Basically, I have only told a few people. It's mainly because I am a private person, which I know seems odd since I post very personal issues on this board:) But it's easy to talk on here since it anonymous.

So, like I said, it depends on you and your situation on who you tell and how you do it. I am more comfortable with only a few people knowing and they have been plenty of support when I needed it.

jaimec

Here's my story: I was married at 22, divorced by 24 (no children). Here I am at 34 assuming I would be remarried and have kids by now. As the past 10 years have gone on, I've always said that if I reach a certain age and don't have a Mr. Right on the horizon, I would do artificial insemination. Of course I thought, as we all probably did, that it wouldn't reach this point. But since it has, it was no surprise to my family and friends. I shared with work only because I was having to leave early some days for appointments. Last summer I had thyroid cancer and had my thyroid removed and didn't want anyone wondering if my appointments had to to do with that.
I am on IUI #2....have a blood draw tomorrow and results on Thursday so I am hoping it worked this time!
Sorry to be so long winded!

steph6733

Thank you austingurl and jaimec for sharing your story. It seems like such an easy decision for me, but such a hard decision to tell other about, I am not sure why. I had an appointment with my doctor today and it looks like the first try will be in April if everything is moving forward on track. I am excited and scared with my decision and now need to confide in a few people in my life. I came to realize today that I do need someone to talk to about the process and talk about this....I am just hoping they are going to be supportive.

I think being able to ask and post on these threads is helpful! I wish you both all the best in your journey! Good luck tomorrow jaimec!

eeh876

When I made the decision, I knew some people would be supportive but I wasn't sure if everyone would be. I've talked about it for years (I guess more than I thought), so when I told my closest friends, they told me to get on with it already! ;-)

I started with the two friends that had seemed the most invested in the idea of me being a Mom. Then I told my roommate, since it was going to involve him in many ways as well (he had been expecting it for a while, so it wasn't a shock). Then I told my parents, brother, and my teaching team. For the most part everyone was supportive, and most people were really excited.

Since then, I've ended up telling quite a few people (I've been trying since last August). I am overwhelmed by their support and compassion. When I am feeling down about the process (I'm working on my 6th attempt now) someone is always there to cheer me up, drive to LA with me to the cryobank, sub for me if I need to miss work, or just sit and be sad/nervous/excited with me.

As austingurl said, you do what is best for you, but it is scary to go it alone. Until you feel confident to tell others, feel free to lean on us. There is a lot of experience and support here. Good luck!

Good luck, jaimec!