Using a donor of a Different Race

SohmakunSohmakun Posts: 9
in Single Mothers by Choice
Hello everyone!

I'm a 27 year old African American single lesbian woman interested in using donor sperm. I'm not using California Cryobank because of the circumstances in my life. With the bank I'm using, nearly all of the donors are Caucasian and/or Asian. I only saw one African American donor and I'm not interested in using him because he doesn't have any IUI vitals available. The donors I am interested in has blond hair, blue eyes and German, English and Irish roots. Another donor is half Korean and half English and German.

Quite frankly, I'm nervous about my family's reaction to my children. My mother constantly says half jokingly "don't you ever have a White baby" and "If you have a light skinned baby, then I'm going to make sure your kids stay out in the sun so they can look like Black kids". The rest of my family is "fairly Black" with no interracial couples/families.

Is anyone out here is the same boat I am? I'm drawn to these donors because of their proven fertility records and high motile but my family has me doubting myself.

Comments

  • babylove02babylove02 Posts: 89
    well... I am black not AA and I wont use a AA DONOR because I dont date black men,what if i use a AA that turn out to be my long last cousin lol.You should do whatever make you happy ,you will be mother of your child not you family.good luck
  • SohmakunSohmakun Posts: 9
    I'm curious, why don't you dated Black men?
  • babylove02babylove02 Posts: 89
    They dont know how to treat their wives or girlfriends. I have really bad experiences with them
  • ArkmomArkmom Posts: 92
    How frustrating that they have such a limmitted selection! I'm not saying do or don't use the one A/A donor that they have, but if the only problem with him is that he has all ICI rather than IUI vials, your lab can process ICI vials to get them IUI ready. If all he has are ART vials, those cannot be prepared for IUI.
  • msdizzydoloresmsdizzydolores Posts: 26
    I'm black (mutt to the HILT) and I'm partial to white men, Indian men and Hispanic men.

    There is nothing wrong with choosing a white donor if that is what you want. I know I'm specifically choosing my Russian, gray eyed WHITE donor for a purpose. And you should have one as well...albeit not the same as me.

    I literally wrote down a list of have to haves and not haves...it helped me narrow down my list...although I knew I wanted my child to have something more than brown eyes...

    And the AA donors are sparse not only at CCB but at other banks as well. I have my theories about that...and it has nothing to do with the banks themselves...but with the AA men in general...

    And what Arkmom says is true...my RE suggested I decide which I would prefer, and if I chose to have unwashed, her office would do it for me...

    And I understand about the family. My family is so mixed up with different races on both sides, it's not funny. MMy one sister married a white man and has two beautiful children...everyone else is so pro black and closet bigots. Except my mom....I don't get it.

    My oldest sister asked me a few months ago when she called..."Uhhhhh you're not picking a white man are you?" I literally didn't talk to her for a few weeks...and I haven't talked about this with her since. I'm not allowing anyone to make a choice for me, even though I would love their input. But in the end I'm the one who has to raise this child, so my choice comes before the ignorance of others.

    You make the choice that you believe you and your future child/children can live with. Pray about it and let God direct you. In the end find peace with your decision and move forward in strength and not backwards in fear!!!

    hope to talk with you soon.

    Good luck!!!

    Dolores

    msdizzydolores@yahoo.com
  • ualtiggerualtigger Posts: 589
    I am also part AA and agree that the selection is limited at ANY cryobank.

    AFM: I chose him based on his profile and interests... like I did with my current other half... named him Mark :)... and went from there.
    My nephews, whom my kids will be growing up around, are multi-racial and I'm a mutt myself being AA, Pacific Islander and American Indian with a sprinkle of Caucasian in there somewhere (something has to explain this crazy HAIR that I have!!).

    Only YOU can decide what's best for you... basically it boiled down for me to a simple thought: If he were able to be standing in front of you, knowing what you do know, would you consider him? My answer was a definite and resounding "YES!!" He likes many of my favorite activities, interests and matches what I want in a man and do have in the man in my life.

    The main thing is that your child be LOVED by YOU... everybody else will either come around in time or they're not really worth your child being subjected to the stress of getting to know them.
  • SohmakunSohmakun Posts: 9
    Thanks everyone for all of the wonderful and encouraging replies!

    Arkmom: His ICI vitals are also sold out. In fact, I believe there is a wait list with three other families in the cue.
  • ualtiggerualtigger Posts: 589
    Soh: You're welcome, girlfriend... that's what these boards are all about... give you encouragement from women who are going through or have been through the same things you are.

    Pick who YOU want... that way you won't be wondering what IF I hadda...
  • 2cmybaby2cmybaby Posts: 22
    I am A/A and I am plan to use a donor of multiple races if I can find one.

    I know as he/she grows and gets older they will ask questions. I want to tell him/her that they are from everywhere. Teach them about all cultures as I'm still undecided on having them know who the donor is at the age of 18.

    We are all Gods children. Black, white, tan..lol..

    But simply put, have YOUR baby by picking whomever YOU are comfy with in your heart. You can't please every one. Your family will come around and welcome your baby or they will miss out if they treat him/her oddly.

    Do your thing girl!! **HUGS*
  • smaciegraciesmaciegracie Posts: 296
    It's so good to know that there are other black women doing this. Anyway, I chose a Hispanic donor because I have mostly dated Hispanic men and if I end up with someone he will most likely be Hispanic...just makes since to me.
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