Let's debate. Anonymous vs. open donor.

Sweettheartt

Why are you set on open or anonymous? If you for sure want open or anonymous in what instance would you choose the opposite.

meremomtobe

This is great timing, thanks Sweettheartt!

I am strongly drawn toward Open donor, I have 2 sisters and 1 brother - all with the same father an different Mothers. There are so many things that are similar with us to our Dad that it's crazy. I wasn't raised around my father, nor was one of the sisters - so the commonality must be from him. I didn't really see him until I was in my 30's, and being able to re-establish that relationship with him has been eye opening to me because I'm able to find out all sorts of things that are quirky about me but he understands and can give me family history on.

At the same time, I'm also interested in anonymous because I'd be devastated for my child to reach out to an open donor only to have him shut the door back in their face and have my child feel less than worthy, or unable to get the answers they desire. Just because the donors choose to be open don't mean that they are going to be really open at the time the children are pouring in 18+ years later, right? I can't fathom a change in mentality, but all sorts of situations do arise and I want to be able to protect my baby.

I still strongly prefer Open though. ;)

beehappy

Personally we wanted closed. Mainly because we are a heterosexual couple and my husband is going to be our child's father not the donor. We will still most likely tell our child but that way we can honestly tell them that it was an unknown guardian angel that gave them to us. I never knew my bio dad (met only once and can't remember a thing about him) and have never had the urge to know him and no one has ever said that I was like him. I'm just like me ;) Funny thing my Step-Dad came into my life when I was 14 and I'm way more like him than anyone else in my family.

In the end I think it matters more how you would feel if your child wanted to reach out to the donor. If that's something that you're ok with then go with open. If that's not something you couldn't handle choose closed. Most times a child's reactions to things comes from how they are raised.

I was raised to be very independent and I met my bio dad once and honestly it made no impact in my life one way or another. Now my sister who was babied did know her dad who was not in the picture very much but was in her life enough to cause daddy issues probably for the rest of her life.

Funniest part about this we will never know if we made the right choice until it's that time. We chose a closed donor but our 2nd choice is an open donor. We didn't want to have to exclude a great donor based on whether they were open or closed.

Good Luck and wishing you lots of baby dust :)