New to this...single female

jackie_kyler

I am going through the process of choosing a donor. I am 40 years old and single. My boyfriend and I split up recently after being together 7 years. I have always wanted a child and I see this as my only way now. Are there others like me out there? I feel so alone in this process.

aj

Hi I am also going though this. I have been trying for about six months. It took me a while to choose a donor. I tortured myself pretty good until I realized that the most important issue was health. I also decided after some long discussion that I did want an open donor. That narrowed the field considerably for me. I have tried four times with one donor and I am thinking about switching since I haven't had a pregnancy yet. so I am back to choosing. It feels weird but I know I want a child and since I am single this is really the only safe option. I wish you the best of luck. It is a roller coaster but if you are committed and keep your eyes on the goal, it can be a very exciting process. I am about to be 40 so I feel like you that it is now that I have to act. the point is to look forward to the possible future of becoming a mother.

ryanhl

Hi Jackie,
I think that there are a lot of us in the same boat. I'm 36 and found a lot of Mr. Maybes that never panned out. I really feel led to have a child....like you. I'm planning on having my IUI in mid December. It was an extremely hard decision, knowing that I wouldn't have a father involved. But I know that it's what I want to do and that I was born to me a mother. I can always find a husband at a later date... but the baby train might pull away from the station. Anyway, I wanted to let you know that you're not the only one out there. Good luck on your journey.
Heather

sunshine331

I am also single, and while this wasn't what I pictured when I was younger, it is what I really want and I am done waiting. I can find the guy later if I choose, but have limited time on a baby. I have had 4 cycles of a donor without a pregnancy. Funny how long I searched for him and how much I spend on things! He had no reported pregnancies, so now other than being an open donor, a previous pregnancy is on top of my list. I choose another donor who is very different than the first actually. Funny, seems like single women generally want an open donor. I could be wrong, just what it seems like.
Good luck!!

jujern

I just turned 38 two weeks ago. Like most of you I too want to be a mother. I am worried that I may miss my window. I just started looking at the donor profiles this week. What a decision. Funny story--when I turned 30, my mother (in her 60's) said to me "if you are still single at age 35, I think you should be articifally inseminated." My grandmother agreed. I am planning on begining IUI in the spring. Like others, I may find the man of my dreams in my 40's but have limited time to have a baby. It is nice to have a support group through the donor center. Good Luck and Happy Baby (in advance)
Julie

danimoni70

You are not alone. I turned 38 in July and started really evaluating my thoughts of motherhood last year. I know that finding a partner could happen in my 40's and even my 50's but like everyone on this board has already echoed, having a baby is something that I've always wanted and my time is limited. I'm doing the donor search, saving the needed funds for day care and looking to move closer to family. I have shared this with my core group of family and friends and received mixed emotions. It appears that most people value adoption or getting pregnant randomly with someone you know. I think that insemination is empowering and quite frankly has relaxed me; and I am not so stressed that I have to find a mate by X year to become a mom. If the IUI doesn't work for me then I will adopt, but I want a baby that is biologically tied to me. Anyway, know that there are a core of mama's in waiting out here! There are many women doing this, check out Single Mothers By Choice and know that parenthood and family structures are not so traditional anymore. Best of luck and blessings to you and your child!

tmccoy

Same here. I am 39 & I wil turn the BIG 40 next Spring & I will be doing this alone. There are times when I am so nervous/scared & then there are times when I get so happy/excited. I guess the real emotions will hit me when I actually go through the process in January/February of 2009. As far as the donors, I've saved 9 to pick from until I narrow it down until the day comes. The only thing that I'm really nervous about is having twins because I have three sets that I know in my family, but nevertheless no matter how many I may have, they will be a wonderful blessing :). Keep me in your prayers!

Ravenna

Hi Jackie, I'm in the same boat, except I'm 42. I've never -- NEVER -- had a boyfriend, as the guys I like always seem to run the other way! When my best friend volunteered her husband's swimmers and told me I should stop waiting around and just go for it, I started seriously considering what options I had. When I found out that I'm already probably too old for this to work, that hastened the time schedule considerably. I realized that having my friend's husband's baby would probably be too complicated and could possibly ruin our friendship, so I decided on the donor thing. If it doesn't work out, I will probably adopt, but I understand that adoption takes something like two years and $25K, and besides, I really want to have a child who shares my traits. Anyway, yes, I'm doing it alone just like you. I live with my mom (she needs my help since my dad died), but she's the only elderly woman in the world who doesn't want to be a grandmother. And I, too, have met with mixed reactions from friends, coworkers and family. Some of my friends have been downright hostile about it, saying I should adopt, it's selfish to bring a baby into the world this way, or that it's too hard to have a child alone, that I won't be able to cut it, that sort of thing. Other friends have been nice, but I get the feeling they will say "I told you so" when things get tough in the future. Only my best friend is really on my side about this. I'm a little scared about the whole thing, as this is not the method I'd planned on to have a child -- you may see me in the papers with headlines saying "40-year-old Virgin gives birth!"

ajh

Hi Jackie,
I'm 39 getting ready to turn 40 in December. I'm in the same boat but I dated a man for 23 years. And he just now told me he wants no more children. I've never had a child and i realize now that I would like to have one of my own. I've been trying and I've had one IUI and it didn't work, so I'm getting ready to try again soon. I believe a child would feel the void in our lives that we so desire. Here is my email address: ajhollen@gmail.com if anyone wishes to keep in touch with me. Please put in the subject box single mother's. Good Luck everyone

jam1120

I'm turning 39, single and have a 2 year old son - the result of using donor 2467. I plan on starting the process again next month. It is a blessing every day to have my little boy. I don't regret my decision at all and can't wait to do it again. Please don't let others sway you against it, they don't get it. You need to do what is right for you. I got pregnant from another donor 4 years ago with identical twins who died in utero at 5 1/2 months due to twin to twin transfusion syndrome. Even after that tragedy and the people who told me not to try again, I did and it was the best thing that ever happeded. My mother used to tell me "you don't understand love until you have a child" she was so right. Best of luck to everyone.

pol100

When I was 39 (( am 41 now), I went ahead and became a single mother. I conceived after 6 IUIs and my son was born last July. He is such a blessing. Your life is totally different and it's hard work but it's worth it. I am about to try for a sibling. I wish all of you good luck and bon courage. Don't let yourself be influenced by other people but follow your heart.
It's funny but I have had most hostility from other single women my age and I am sure that is because becoming a single mother made them feel very conflicted about their own lives. You all are very brave to go against the mainstream of society but you are planning to create something beautiful so focus on that.

best of luck everybody!