Trying to decide if this is right for me and looking for a little insight
brandiedarlene
Posts: 3
Hey I’m new here and I’m caught in the middle of a rock and a hard place. Here is a little bit of my back story sorry it is so long.
I have always wanted to be pregnant and have a child of my own way before I should have ever thought about it but my family has a long history of pregnancy problems. My grandma lost her first baby in childbirth and had several miscarriages and even though she never used birth control she only had three girls. All of them including my mom have/had endometriosis. My mother was the only baby that wasn’t premature and she is the only one of the three women who was able to have kids (me and my little brother). I have seen first hand how devastating and traumatic it is not to be able to conceive and carry to term a baby from my aunts lives and I don’t want to go through that. My oldest aunt didn’t have any problem conceiving but she had over a dozen miscarriages and the longest she made it was six months and he would have been born the same month and year as me if he had lived. My other aunt started trying to get pregnant when she was nineteen and finally got pregnant for the first time at age 32, unfortunately her baby stopped developing at seven weeks and she had to have a D&C.
So here is my problem, when I was 17 my ob/gyn did a laparoscopy on me to laser off my visible endometriosis and he also found several cysts on my ovaries. When the surgery was over he acted a little out of character. He told me I also had polycystic ovarian syndrome as well as the endometriosis but it was “no big deal” because we would manage my symptoms with depo and when I decided to have kids he would “find a way to make it happen.” But then he asked me if I was in a serious relationship that could lead to marriage. Not an odd question to ask a twenty-something year old but for a 17 year old it was weird. Every year since then when I went in for my yearly he would ask me the same question and every year I said no he got more and more irritated and hinted that I should keep looking for Mr.Right. Now I am 21 going on 22 and my ob/gyn (the same man who gave both my mom and aunt their hysterectomies because of the insane amount of pain they were in because of their endometriosis) says I need to start trying to conceive soon if I want to have a baby. No more relationship questions, just straight forward you need to start trying.
Do I have a nice job with benefits and health insurance? Yes. Do I make enough to support myself and a baby? Yes. Would my family help support me if I choose to do this alone? Yes. Did I ever once believe I would do this without a man I loved and was married to or do this at such a young age? NO!
But I can’t get the fear of ending up childless like my aunts out of my mind. Of course I could always wait it out and see, praying I get pregnant after I find the right man and adopt if I can’t. But I don’t want to give up my dream of carrying my baby inside me or risk it being too late down the road. Is it crazy to be considering this at such a young age? Please any advice, opinions, or support would be much loved and needed.
Sincerely,
B.
I have always wanted to be pregnant and have a child of my own way before I should have ever thought about it but my family has a long history of pregnancy problems. My grandma lost her first baby in childbirth and had several miscarriages and even though she never used birth control she only had three girls. All of them including my mom have/had endometriosis. My mother was the only baby that wasn’t premature and she is the only one of the three women who was able to have kids (me and my little brother). I have seen first hand how devastating and traumatic it is not to be able to conceive and carry to term a baby from my aunts lives and I don’t want to go through that. My oldest aunt didn’t have any problem conceiving but she had over a dozen miscarriages and the longest she made it was six months and he would have been born the same month and year as me if he had lived. My other aunt started trying to get pregnant when she was nineteen and finally got pregnant for the first time at age 32, unfortunately her baby stopped developing at seven weeks and she had to have a D&C.
So here is my problem, when I was 17 my ob/gyn did a laparoscopy on me to laser off my visible endometriosis and he also found several cysts on my ovaries. When the surgery was over he acted a little out of character. He told me I also had polycystic ovarian syndrome as well as the endometriosis but it was “no big deal” because we would manage my symptoms with depo and when I decided to have kids he would “find a way to make it happen.” But then he asked me if I was in a serious relationship that could lead to marriage. Not an odd question to ask a twenty-something year old but for a 17 year old it was weird. Every year since then when I went in for my yearly he would ask me the same question and every year I said no he got more and more irritated and hinted that I should keep looking for Mr.Right. Now I am 21 going on 22 and my ob/gyn (the same man who gave both my mom and aunt their hysterectomies because of the insane amount of pain they were in because of their endometriosis) says I need to start trying to conceive soon if I want to have a baby. No more relationship questions, just straight forward you need to start trying.
Do I have a nice job with benefits and health insurance? Yes. Do I make enough to support myself and a baby? Yes. Would my family help support me if I choose to do this alone? Yes. Did I ever once believe I would do this without a man I loved and was married to or do this at such a young age? NO!
But I can’t get the fear of ending up childless like my aunts out of my mind. Of course I could always wait it out and see, praying I get pregnant after I find the right man and adopt if I can’t. But I don’t want to give up my dream of carrying my baby inside me or risk it being too late down the road. Is it crazy to be considering this at such a young age? Please any advice, opinions, or support would be much loved and needed.
Sincerely,
B.
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