Confused

one1cent

Hi, I think I've posted on here once before. But briefly I'm 39, single have been thinking about and getting ready to do the donor thing for a while, have seen my dr and am pretty much ready to go and just need to decide on a donor and push the button to order. For some reason I thought I was completely here and ready and for some reason I have found myself stalling the last couple months and putting it off just one more month. One of the reasons I know is that I met a guy who I have been dating and I am hopeful that it turns into something quickly so I can still have the complete dream, and not just the partial dream. But I think this is a fantasy and he and I are on different paths with where we would like the relationship to head, how soon, and future children. The other reason I am having such a hard time actually ordering is that I am having a difficult time deciding on a donor... do I pick someone that looks like me, someone that looks like someone I'm dating now, someone I think I may end up with in the future? It just seems so weird to me to decide with the click of a mouse what my future child is going to look like. I have dated a rainbow of ethnicities, and still hope to fall in love and end up married at some point down the future and I really don't know what race/ethnicity that man will be and not that my child would have to be the same race as him, but I wonder if that should play into my decision as I often do date outside of my own race.....

Just need to here back from some of you the struggles you have gone through, and how you got to a peaceful place with this....

baaba77

If you are a christian my first suggestion is pray and ask God for guidance.. another thing is that you dont need a husband to complete you if you want to do this for yourself i say go for it... before its too late. Look for donors who have good health histories and rely on your own judgement it is well and you will be fine and happy in the end.. Goodluck.

lynchsh

Hi Confused, I am in the same boat as you minus the guy. I am currently not dating but really want to have the dream as do you. I decided late last year because I was turning 40 that I could not wait anymore. I did a little research and found out with my medical coverage and health care spending account that part of my dream was attainable. I would love to have the complete dream and for my child to have a mother and father in the home as did I. But the reality is that may not happen. I prayed about it and I believe that I am making the right decision. I hope you move forward too. Maybe in a few months we can share our struggles with pregnancy and then motherhood. I wish you the best. Confused Too.

stephtri

Hi. I'm in the same boat. Seems like every time I get close to going through with it, I meet someone or someone is trying to set me up. The reality is that I am 40 and really don't want to the pressure on a guy and a new relationship trying to rush and have a child. So, I am doing it myself and if I meet someone, great. I can meet 'the one' anytime but having a child needs to happen now. I wish you all the best!

savluv18

i've had the dream...and this time around i am doing it solo. i didn't want an ex-husband and divorce to be the determining factor for the rest of my life. i didn't want my child growing up being an only child because of the unfortunate circumstance we were both put into. don't ask strangers their opinions about which donor to choose. if you are close with your family or have support from friends, you can get their opinions, but ultimately it should be your decision. focus...#1 importance to me was health (mental and physical background) and then some sort of connection, looks don't always end up to be what you think anyway so don't be too limited when it comes to this. most importantly be patient and go to a really good fertility dr. to get a workup so you're not wasting your money! good luck and i truly believe if and when it's meant to be it will, but remember, it won't happen if you're not 100% proactive and an advocate for yourself!! push the button, what's the worse that could happen, you could completely change your life and end up with a beautiful baby.

Ms M404

One,
I completely agree with Savluv. Go for it!!

I too am 39 and have been ,TTC for almost a year. I wish I had started earier. I have known for many years that I wanted a baby but I took a few years to finally do this. I am perfectly healthy and know that I will conceive eventually.

I would suggest that you go and find a great RE have your work up done and just see. That way you will know if you can wait a little longer or if you need to take the plunge right away.

I am single and have been dating during this whole process. But for me I will not put my baby quest on hold for a man. You know whats best for you and what you truly want. Trust yourself.

Baby dust Ladies!
M

Gracas

Hey, though I'm new here thought I'd answer you too as it hit home. I went through a period of mourning "the dream" and realized when I turned 40 last month that I had to have a new dream. A child is something I definitely want whereas a man is something I'd like to have so I opted to try for the definitely want. It does take time to adjust to a re-writing of the fairy tale most of us have had since little girls...the man, the house, the dog, the job, the child... I had to wake up and realize that the story is not going to be like that for me and am finally okay with that idea. I'll look for someone later rather than rush into a relationship that might end up becoming a nightmare..for me and a potential child.

SaydeShawnta

Good luck! Hope everything works out. By do this you are not giving up the hope of ever getting married setttleing down with your future partner. I know that it sorta feels that way & thus some of the hestitation. I've been there. In a perfect world we would all have a partner there with us through this journey. Unfortunatly for many of us single mom to be it just hasn't worked out that way. This is something that I too have stuggled with. But in the end I desided that I can no longer wait to the right person to come along because it I do so I may end up not being able to have kids when they finally do, if they do. With the experation date on our eggs pending there is only so much time left before the baby ship sails & I personally do not want to miss out on that boat.

As for the race thing, I have choosen a donor who is not the same race as me & I am very comfortable with that decision. My child may not look like me for that reason but he or she will be beautiful all the same & anyone who truely loves you will accept your child for who they are not the color of their skin. My advice in choosing a donor is imagen or dream what your child might look like then go for traits in your donor that your imaginary child had. That is what I did.

Greive the old dream & then realize that with your child will come a whole set of new dreams some of which you never knew you had! Its like the old saying "We plan, God laughs". Life never works out the way we plan, its up to us to make the best out of what we've got! God Bless & good luck!

baby67890

hope everything works out for you. i know what ur going thorugh everyone wants me to wait untill am older am about to 26 this june i feel that the time is now i have been waiting my hole life to be a mother.

MKS2012

I can appreciate your confusion. I just finally realized that I have not met Mr. Right thus far and what are the odds he will stumble onto my doorstep in the next couple of months? If he does, then he will understand and support my decision. My issue is my family...they are supportive, finally, but still trying to set me up with every single guy they meet. Makes me feel that they aren't as supportive and they are saying. Anyone have any thoughts on how to handle this?