Single Mom by choice AND a bit older

Hawaiianatheart1995Hawaiianatheart1995 Posts: 3
in Single Mothers by Choice
Aloha ladies

I am going to be 44 this Saturday and have spent the last year trying to decide what my reproductive future was going to be. With no romantic options in my immediate future and not wanting to rush anything for the obvious reasons, I have decided to do this the old fashioned way…..light some candles, pour some wine, log onto my CCB account and pick a Daddy. :) I've been through about 6 months of ovulation tracking and blood work and my OB/GYN finally told me "You are good to go, but if you are going to do this, I want you pregnant this year!" That being said, It's time!

I'm wondering how many of you out there are in the same boat as me…not just choosing to be a single mom, but pushing it with the age limit as well.

TALK TO ME!!

Comments

  • parisnyparisny Posts: 73
    I hear you, Hawaiianatheart. It's not easy but it's so worth it!! And I'm older than you...
    Write me at wonderofshushu@gmail.com and I'll TALK TO YOU!
    :-)
  • parisnyparisny Posts: 73
    PS -- happy birthday!
  • chumina12chumina12 Posts: 12
    Hello Ladies, I'm the same age as you; 43 years old. And like you, I have decided to do this on my own. I picked the donor and if all goes well embroyo transfer is set for early next month.

    What stage are you in? Would love to join in on the conversation with you both.
  • Hawaiianatheart1995Hawaiianatheart1995 Posts: 3
    Thank you ladies for replying. I have my first appt/consultation with the doctor this week Friday! I am so excited and scared and and and and….well, you know.

    i am in the very earl stages!

    Paris, thank you for the birthday wishes. :)
  • JulieAnne30JulieAnne30 Posts: 1
    I am doing the exact same thing and I just turned 44 as well. It is a very scary process but a very brave choice. Or so I think ... I begin my first IUI next month. Fingers crossed!

    Thank you for sharing!
  • singleteachersingleteacher Posts: 1
    Hi - I am also single mother by choice, but the 2 rounds of IUI did not work. I'm 44 and every test showed I am able to get pregnant and I have plenty of eggs. I was disappointed that the doc I used did not have me go on a more aggressive course of action. Because of my age insurance doesn't cover anything! So, because of money, I could not continue. Now I'm back considering purchasing sperm and inseminating at home. In the meantime, I joined a group of women that meets monthly - Gateway Women - AMAZING!!!! Its all about us in the same boat! Every state has groups. Go online and search it - cannot say enough about it!!!
  • irish eyesirish eyes Posts: 1
    Hi there! I am also single and older, looking to try for my first IVF. Back in May I was devastated with the diagnosis of Menopauase. I am 43 so I shouldn't have been shocked but there it was. But then all of a sudden my absent period of 9 months comes rolling back in. Long story short, my levels are all back to normal and not menopausal range. I asked my OBGyn what is next, he said I could see a Fertility doctor to see what my options are.

    I want a child in the worst way, always have. After my divorce, thought that my shot was over. A couple years ago I got engaged, thought one more shot maybe. I broke that off. I am still dating the guy but he is not financially independent.
    If I do this, it is all me, all the cost will be up to me. My dilemma is do I go with someone I do love as the donor even though I am not confident we will ever work out our relationship, or do I pick a stranger at a donor bank and completely on my own. Neither one is the fairy tale ending that all women would prefer, This is not ideal but my window is short and I have to decide this weekend.
    I start my meds Monday, Nov.23 and then I am on my way for the egg retrieval the week after. I am questioning my sanity for doing this by myself and spending this amount of money for something that may not work. I cannot get my head around it. Any words of advice?

    Thank you!

    Irish Girl
  • tffotffo Posts: 94
    You seem like a practical type from what you've shared, so I will say that if I were you, I'd probably go with the sperm donor. There are a lot of factors involved using a known donor and having their name on the birth certificate. Not just the scary thought of custody battles, but things like getting a passport and needing their permission to take your child out of the country. Medical decisions, etc. since you said you weren't comfortable marrying this person, due in part to what sounds like responsibility/maturity issues, do you want this person tied to your child and making major life decisions for the next 18 years? If something happens to you, do you want him and his family raising your child? Are you sure he will stick around once a baby comes into the picture and takes up all your time?

    That said, I am 41 and pregnant with a donor sperm child. I would love for him to ave a father figure. To know personally where his other half comes from. If you love this man and want to share this with him more than anything, then go for it. Everything always sorts itself out in the end. A loved child is what's important. Don't stress, just trust your gut. And good luck!
  • dragonflinursedragonflinurse Posts: 116
    Irish Girl! Welcome to the club! ?? I say go with the sperm donor. I was back in forth in a relationship for a very long time. He already had a daughter and said he would have a baby with me because I wanted to be a mother so desperately but when it came down to it, that's not what he wanted and I didn't want to pressure him.

    There is something so amazing about doing this on your own! I feel proud that I know what I want and I'm not scared. That being said, I do have a very supportive family and friends! I always say, I can meet Mr. Right at any age, but I won't be able to have a baby forever. This is more important to me than anything else.

    I am almost 39. I did 3 IUIs with no success. I took a bit of a break and then decided to move forward with IVF. All my number were pretty good except my AMH which was pretty low at 0.29. My first 3 IVF cycles, I never got to a retrieval. Something always came up. A cyst, or I ovulated or only produced one follicle...I was exhausted, emotionally, mentally and physically. I took a 3 month break that my MD and I decided that I needed desperately. It was exactly what I needed. That, and I honestly put it in Gods hands. I started this cycle in 11/1. The cycle went really well. I produced 4 follicles which for me was fantastic! My egg retrieval was one week ago today. My MD was able to retrieve 2 eggs. When the embryologist called the next day, she was really excited! Both eggs were mature, she fertilized and they both made it to embryos! I transferred both on Tuesday! The whole experience this cycle has been great so far. I've kep myself stress free and remained positive. My beta is next Friday!! I can't wait!!

    I didn't mean to write a book but just wanted to encourage you and tell you to stay positive, stress free, have faith and be proud of your decision! You are going after what you want....man or no man!!!

    If you ever want to chat, feel free to email me (dragonflinurse@gmail.com). I've met a couple women on this bulletin board and I talk to them in a daily basis! I can't imagine going through all this without them. ??

    Jennie
  • charliebcharlieb Posts: 6
    Hi ladies, I too embarked on this amazing/crazy/scary journey. I however am only 32 but was given the ultimatum by my doctor that due to having 1 ovary and having severe pcos and endometriosis that I needed to act now or never. So scary but I am now blessed with an almost 1 year old beautiful little boy! I completely agree with dragonflinurse there is something so special and amazing about doing this on your own! I just wanted to come by and give some support and encouragement. There is absolutely nothing that compares to having your own child it's the most intense roller coaster you will ever be on! I want to wish you all lots of luck and baby dust!!!
  • OnMyOwn2015OnMyOwn2015 Posts: 3
    Good morning to everyone. I turn 40 in two weeks and am getting ready for my first IUI. I have wanted to be a mother for as long as i can remember and the ideal way has just not been in the cards for me, so I feel confident in my decision to do it on my own. I have picked out my donor (online dating if you will) and trying to keep a positive outlook and stress free. I have a friend who has gone through several IUI's and IVF's with no luck, so its tough to not have that in the back of your head, but I try to push that further back in my mind with visions of being a mother next year.
    Thank you for letting me share - any advise would be greatly appreciated :) Best to you all.

    Sharon
  • subecrnsubecrn Posts: 4
    Last year when I turned 40 I decided it was now or never. This time last year, I saw a fertility doc and picked out my donor. After surgery last December to remove a uterine polyp (found during the fertility work up) I was given the go ahead. I started acupuncture treatments and taking natural supplements, and at the end of January it was time to try. I was fortunate enough to get pregnant on my first try with IUI, even though all my labs indicated it wouldn't happen. I am now the mom to 8 week old spontaneous twins. And while I wasn't planning on there being two, I am very happy. It has definitely changed my life, sometimes in ways I wasn't expecting, but in such a great way! Being a single mom isn't going to be easy but I wouldn't change anything.
  • bird2551bird2551 Posts: 1
    I am 36 and want a baby more than anything. I am meeting with my Dr today to check all of my hormone levels to make sure everything is ok due to having two miscarriages. It is scary and exciting! I have a few favorite donors picked out for when the time comes!
  • dolphin84041dolphin84041 Posts: 63
    I am in the same boat as you ladies, i turn 41 on Sun. I met with my Dr today, go in tomorrow and have an HSG test done, too make sure there's no blockage. I pretty sure i have a couple more years, before i go thru menopause, because I have an older sister that had a baby almost a year ago, which was 2 months before she turned 44. I was hoping to have a baby with my ex, but he moved out two weeks. with that i realized i could no longer wait. Once my dr tells me if i should buy ici or iui, i will go in and buy my vials and try my first round around the 10th of Jan. I will admit I'm scared, because I'm totally doing this on my own.
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