How to tell your children...

jlmcurly

My husband and I are not exactly on the same page with what/when/whether-to tell our children about being the product of a donor. My opinion is that he/she has a right to know (medical history, ethically, etc). My husband doesn't see the point. Because he wouldn't care if he was, he thinks it would not make any difference to our child. I am terrified that the child would find out later and have an identity crisis or be bitter. And what if something came up that he would have to know his medical history (what if he wanted to join the military, become a donor, or what if he, himself had infertility). Open to discussion, thoughts, resources on the topic of when couples disagree on telling the child of donor sperm...I have found children's books on how to tell them, but I am really interested in how you come to that decision, what age, etc. Thanks ahead of time. Jen

lethasue

Heck of a predicament. I am a fan of the truth. It will almost always catch u from behind if you don't...It is hard to do, but necessary. In my opinion there are too many consequences to not being honest. It is not an easy subject, I was adopted with my sisters who I thought were biological. I knew I was adopted, however, did not know one of my sisters was our half sister until I snooped around when I was 13 and saw paperwork. It was devastating, to her the impactful. To this day ( I am 40 and my sister is 37) she will not ever talk about that day and will never tell anyone we are half sisters. It isn't the same circumstance, but just an example of the impact of not being honest. I almost guarantee, if you don't tell them...they will find out. I hope this helps a little.

faith222

Jlmcurly, we are in the same boat. I had to read and give DH all the websites that say it is best to do it. He still didn't seem to want to, but said that he would do what hte experts suggested. Then I reminded him of all the secrets that were kept in my life (me thinking my brothers dad was my bio and my mom and aunt got into an argument and my aunt told me, the next day his new wife disowned me and would't allow me my weekend visits anymore.) i was also molested as a kid and none of my family still knows. i don't believe in secrets and todl dh if we weren't going to tell i couldn't move forward. he agreed, but i'm sure he will forget when it comes closer to having to tell and i'll have to remind him again.