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Advice for a soon-to-be single mother

kbecerra7kbecerra7 Posts: 9
in Single Mothers by Choice
I am starting out on this journey alone and need some good support and advice....my husband is leaving me and our 4 year old son...I just turned 40 and decided about 3 years ago if I didn't have another child by 40 I would start this process. I will be doing it by myself. Nervous, anxious, having doubts etc. But it is something I truly want. I have a GREAT income and can support 2 children alone easily. Just looking for some advice I guess. I have unexplained infertility and it took 6 years to get my son (unmedicated). First appointment is in a couple weeks to see what the options are. Even though I have a good income, IVF is not covered by insurance in MN and I can't afford the hefty price for it. ($20K or more) Considering IUI. Also want the donor to look as much like my husband (soon to be separated) as possible so my son and his half sibling will look alike....need a latino/Mexican/Hispanic donor. Looked through the catalog, but of course the one that really caught my eye has retired from the program :( Back to square one. Also a bit nervous about the family dynamics of one child with my husband and one with a donor. Its all very complicated, but if I don't have a second child, or at least really try, I will regret it for the rest of my life....

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    JPRANSKJPRANSK Posts: 94
    Hi kbecerra, sorry to hear you and your husband are seperating... that must be so hard in itself for you. But I'm excited to hear you want to continue moving forward with your dream of having another child. I will be going in for my 2nd iui in a couple of weeks (with the help of clomid 1st iui failed w/out clomid)... so i'm with you in this journey.
    I wish you the best of luck!
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    kbecerra7kbecerra7 Posts: 9
    JPRANSK: Thanks for the kind words. I will probably need lots of support through this. Last year I did do a clomid challenge test and passed with flying colors. Lots and lots of "good eggs". Also lots of big follicles....like 20 or 21 each time. So, I hope that despite my advanced age that this is a good sign. All my hormone levels are normal, always have been. And I DO ovulate...I can FEEL when I ovulate (like today) so I hope this all works out. I don't have much time...
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    tjmoorstjmoors Posts: 151
    kbecerra7,

    Sorry to hear about your situation, but I admire you for carrying on and thinking about trying for another child. My husband left me and my then 2 year old son for another woman in 2006. I always wanted to try for baby #2, but he'd always say he wasn't ready. Well, six months after he left us his girlfriend got pregnant - now they have two kids! My son is now 5 years old and has ADHD, but I have been ready to have another baby for 3 years now. I don't have any infertility issues and will be starting my first IUI in February. Sometimes we are faced with having to make tough decisions, and I wish you the best of luck on your journey.
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    kbecerra7kbecerra7 Posts: 9
    I had finally picked a donor after much ado and 2 days later found out he only had 4 vials remaining and now is retired from the program. :(
    I had my heart set on him. 11757. Now back to the drawing board.....sigh
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    baby67890baby67890 Posts: 156
    Hello I sorry about your misfortune but one thing that did was have back up donors so if one sells out you will have more to chose from. Trust me I know the feeling last week I had my own scare because I had only two donors at the time. On morning I went to ccb’s web site and saw that my donors were sold out.
    And I could not get in to my account. I end up calling ccb to see what happed to everyone because it happened over night that everyone was sold out. But lucky everyone had virals available because it was something wrong with ccb’s computer system. Ever since then I know have six donors to chose from so if is sold out or retried I always have more to choose from. As well as picking don or that looks like you’re ex you do the look a likes and see pictures of famous people your donor resembles or you can pay for the ccb service where they find your best matches for you by providing a photo .
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    kbecerra7kbecerra7 Posts: 9
    baby67890: thanks for your note. I would LOVE to have 6 donors to pick from...the only problem is there arent 6 that I like. I am probably being too picky, but that is where I am at this point in time. Really need a Mexican donor, but only liked the 1 I had chosen who has retired...the rest, not excited about. I will keep looking. And hoping.
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