Dating while TTC

Ms M404

Is anyone dating while TTC? Curious.

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abbyjenna

I am! It's the weirdest thing in the world. I started seeing this guy in May, with my original plans to start this process in August. So... In August I told him what my original plans were (having put off any preliminary testing). He said that - due to his career - he's not ready for his own children and wouldn't be for years. I told him I'm not willing to wait that long. So he has encouraged me to go forward with my plans, and says he's comforatable dating me even if I end up pregnant.

I'm hoping for my first IUI in November. I'm not looking for a daddy, and I'm having a hard time wrapping my head around the idea that we'll still date through all of this. So I'm keeping things VERY casual (it's been since May - but I still don't refer to him as my BF). Also, after a lot of thought, I'm holding off with much -um- intimacy - until after I'm pregnant. I know myself well enough to know that if we were to go down that road, and then I get inseminated, there would be 9 months of wondering if it's his or the donor's!

In my case, I'm not holding my breath that he'll stick around when this becomes "real." For now, he's being great.

Good luck to you if you decide to date!

Abby

kndertchr

I decided not to date after making the decision to go it on my own. I feel like I really have to focus on myself right now and I don't have the time, energy, or emotion I would like to give to someone I'd be starting a relationship with. It took me a long time to make the choice to go forward with single motherhood, but since I have made that decision I have been totally happy with it and not even motivated to date.

nbound72

I am 6 weeks pregnant (single) and I am not actively "looking" but if the opportunity presented itself I am open to it. Of course being honest with whomever it is. Maybe not on the first date of course. At this point, I'm so excited about becoming a mom that actively "looking" is on hold. I do miss dating but I don't miss all of the numerous first dates. :)

Leah29

I have a boyfriend. I met him about three months after deciding to seriously consider ttc on my own. I told him it might be something I'd try in the future on our second date. Ten months into our relationship I had my consult with the doctor. I've been trying since May (a year after we met) and he's been super supportive. It is possibly the strangest thing ever. Both of our futures are so uncertian (his because of work, and mine because of family planning) that we've agreed that we'll just continue our relationship for as long as it works for both of us.

abbyjenna

Leah29 I'm so glad to read that! I'd like to talk to you about it - cause I was pretty sure I was the only person in the weird situation of dating while TTC. My email address is abbyjenna@gmail.com. Shoot me an email - I have some questions for you.

Ms M404

Thank you ladies for sharing. I was seeing someone and when he found out I was trying he ran for the hills!! That has not stopped me from my goal of a child however it has made me realize I need to keep my mouth shut about the baby situation. I kinda like having my little secret though.

Best
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Pamela Marie

Ms M402-I think you should be honest. You did well in telling him about the baby plans, if he left its cause it obviously wasnt meant to be. But next time if you meet someone you should be honest again, its not right to keep a secret like that, specially if the relationbship gets serious. But mostly, I think you should prioritize, whats matters to you most? Finding a man or having a baby on your own? Cause it truly seems like you wanna do the whole dating thing and have a bf so if thats what you really want then maybe you should put off having a baby through a donor. My 2 cents.

abbyjenna

There's nothing wrong with both dating and having a baby through donor sperm. It's surprising how many men don't mind... for some of them it's like dating a woman who already has a kid.

Ms. M404 I think if you want to keep dating, good for you. If it gets serious, you'll probably have to bring it up (although at that point you may not even have to worry about the donor if you're not yet pregnant).

Pamela Marie

Abbyjenna-Well M404 had already mentioned in her post that the guy she was seeing "ran for the hills" when she told him. So you see, men do mind about it, its not something that they're comfortable with. And its def not the same thing as a woman who already has a child. This is more complicated.

I personally wouldnt do it cause I feel that I would prefer to just concentrate on myself and my journey to single motherhood. I prefer to take care of myself,and dedicate my time and energy to that.

abbyjenna

Thank goodness not all men are the same!

Ms M404

Thanks for advice.
@ Pamela I am not trying to do both. Have you had a date while TTC? Dating helps me to focus on bein a normal woman with normal needs. And I will keep TTC to myself until I concieve. I dont see it as not being honest, I am focusing on what makes me the best adult and woman for my future child. By putting the two of us first and not the narrowness of a man (or that man). There are lots of different kinds of men out there. Some can handle it some can NOT. LOL. I have learned that. :)

@Abbyjenna I think you have a great one!!! Thanks for the support. If I start dating someone else and it gets serious or I concieve will share otherwise it will be my reason to smile to myself eachday :)

Babydust to all!!
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abbyjenna

M-
Good for you! I agree. I know at least in my situation I didn't decide on single motherhood because I don't like men, or don't like dating, or any of that. I decided on it because I really want to be a mom. For me, that's completely separate from the man situation. If you can be a mom AND find a man to date, well that's just great! If not, you do have this wonderful little "project" you're working on and I say good for you! :)