help! How do you choose a donor???

Hi! This is my first post. My DH and I are dealing with MFI and are doing our first IUI with DS next month. We are having a lot of trouble choosing a donor. We want him to look as much like my DH as possible. My DH is a red head so our options are a bit limited. I guess we are stuck on not just the donor but the family too. We really like this one donor but his mother has a medium complexion with brown hair and his father has a dark complexion with black hair. My FIL has a fair complexion with blonde hair. I have a fair complexion as well. We want the child to look as much like my DH but I worry that if we were to choose that donor that he/she would get genetics from the donors father and it would be very clear that he is not my DH's child. Maybe I'm over thinking / over analyzing. Maybe it's not as important to other people for the child to look so much like their partner...Help!!!


  • Is this donor that you like a red head? I am pretty sure that in terms of genetics that redheads can only contribute a redheaded gene because they have two (you have to have two to be a redhead). However this also means that if you are not carrying a recessive redhead gene, then even if your donor contributes a red hair gene, your child will most likely not be a redhead. (The chance of being a redhead with only one red hair gene is slim to none.) So, that said, if the donor you like has red hair, you should not end up with a black haired child even if you don't get a redhead. I can't give you any help on skin tone, but if it were me, I'd probably pick facial features over hair color unless there are redheads on your side of the family (as in one of your parents or at the very least grandparents) and hair color is really important to you. Maybe you can find someone who looks like your husband and doesn't have any black hair in his immediate family?
  • Genetics are funny. Even if your husband provided the sperm there’s no telling what your baby would look like! Especially, as TFFO noted, red hair is a recessive gene, so unless you also have red hair, it’s unlikely your child would have red hair. I think you should decide based on what donor you like the most or “feels right”. You will love your baby no matter what s/he looks like. Don’t overthink it. Go with your gut. Your baby will be beautiful.

  • I searched criteria that fit my husband most. I found 3 options, and chose the one with the cleanest medical history. He actually looks the most like my husband.

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