HELP!!!

babyfever

Okay, so this might seem werid to some of you. I need some information and help too!!!

I'm 26 years old, have a really good job (cater to VIPs, high-rollers), and not in any type of relationship.

I have cysts on my overies which build up and then burst open which causes me a great deal of pain sometimes. It doesn't happen all the time but a few times a year.

I want to be a young mommy! Since I'm not in any type of relationship and have issues with my overies (which may cause me to not be able to have a baby later in life), I was thinking about finding a donor and having a child on my own!

I have not spoke with my family about this at all! My mother and step-father would mostly not be supportative about this. My father and step-mother might be more supporting. If I were to do this, I probably would be doing the procedure on my own and tell my family that I had a one-night stand.

I do have the support of my best-friend C but she lives a few states away. She is a single mother to three beautiful little girls.

I know it is bad to lie, but if you want something so bad and then there is a chance it might not happen if you wait longer.

Thank you :)

jam1120

My mom was very supportive but my dad and stepmom and stepsister were another story. But once my son was born it changed. My Dad is so taken with my son and so is my stepmom and stepsister. This process is more common than you think and that helps with people dealing with the issue. I felt using a donor was less taboo than saying I had a one night stand.

Honestly I was straight forward from the beginning, mostly because I want my son to know the truth. His mom had not yet met a man to marry and she no longer wanted to wait for a baby. She had so much love to give and due to the generousity of a donor she was able to have that baby and make a family.

Whatever you decide, think of the long term effects. The baby you have will eventually have questions and you need to be prepared with the right answers. Is it better for the child to think that he/she was the result of a one night stand or the result of the mother having so much love and desire for a child that she needed to make that happen.

Of course these are my views and I was 35 when I started the process, but if I had health issues prior I would have done it sooner. I wish you luck in your choices and decisions.

Endo Mama

I have endometriosis- more info in my older post on it- but I too was faced with a sand-timer running out. So I can understand some of your feelings.

I am single, 29, similar situation I guess. I thought my parents would be supportive but I thought the extended family wouldn't understand- when I told them all that I was going to try artificial insemination instead of give up my chance to carry a child, I was ready with defensive explanations and reasoning. BUT- they were totally supportive- weirdly understanding and loving!! So give them the benefit of the doubt because they just might suprise you.

As for whether to tell them you used a donor or had a ONS, that's ultimately your call, but I agree with Jam on this. Why would you think they would be more supportive of that than having a well-prepared plan, a safe and healthy donor and all done in coordinance with you and your doctor with your health in mind? I would think they would respect that you thought it out, researched it, and had a plan for bringing your dream to fruition. Jam also has a great point about what you will have to explain to your child someday. I have chosen to just be open about my choice to my family and I will eventually to my child. Lies may be more damaging in the long run than can predict.

But ultimately, you are a strong, 26 yr old, single and successful woman- so own your decision- whatever it will be- and don't let anyone make you feel bad for going after it! Best of luck!

Arkmom

I also went forward with donor imsemination at 29, partly because of helth issues that meant about a one in four chance that I wouldn't be able to later on and partly because I was just plain tired of waiting for someone else to say it was okay for my life to get started. There was a broken engagement along in there somewhere, and the realization that, even if my health were perfect, it is ALOT easier to get pregnant and deliver a healthy full term baby at 29 than 35. I'm very up front about how I got pregnant and how happy I am with my choice. I admit, though, I do focus on the health reasons and down play the other issues when I talk to my more conservative relatives and business associates. I find that very few people will actually look you in the eye and say that you should give up on the chance of ever having a child rather than use donor insemination when time is running out. Part of the resistance that we "younger" women get for using this option is based upon unrealistic expectations about fertility. People seem to think that most women are just as fertile in there 30s and 40s as in their teens and 20s until all of a sudedden, at about 45, they aren't. If you've done any research at all, you know that is this just not the case. It's all an odds game. Even without major health issues, some women can easily have babies with their own eggs into their early fourties, while for otheres it is too late well before 35. Most of us fall somewhere in between. If people understood that, I don't think they would be so quick to judge someone who doesn't want to take a chance on seeing her fertility decline faster than average and ending up without a baby.

myanover

I would suggest to see a naturopathic physician or /and an acupuncturist or someone who practices chineese herbs. You have plenty of time to get rid of cysts. Those things can be treated with natural medicine. Your body is out of balance, this is why you have those cysts. Take a year or two to heal yourself, by that time, who knows may be you'll meet someone and everything will be perfect :) the time is on your side.

tjmoors

babyfever,

I just turned 26 and am a single mother to a 5 year old from a previous marriage. I have been divorced since 2006 and have not found any relationships within that time frame, and I have been longing for baby number 2 for 3 years now. I have brought up the idea of having baby number 2 to my now ex-husband, but he always said he "wasn't ready". Fast forward to 6 months later, we are divorced and he got his girlfriend pregnant! Right now, they are married and just had another baby. It makes me mad thinking about that situation, but in a way I am glad we did not have another baby together. I have also thought about what I should tell my family. So far, I have told my Mom and one close friend about my plans for undergoing IUI's. I am afraid to tell the rest of my family (including my older sister, whom I am extremely close with) because I feel they may say it is a bad idea because: I am a single mother and my son has ADHD/ODD. It is already hard being a single mother, but it is much harder when you have a child with a disorder. Deep down I feel that I am ready and I am excited to start my IUI's after Christmas. I am currently living in American Samoa and there are no fertility clinics here, so I am moving to Sacramento (was supposed to be Hawaii) where my sister and brother reside to seek treatment. Right now, I am not ready to tell the rest of my family, but if I feel the time is right in the future I will definitely sit them down and talk about it.

I am sure you will know what the best decision is for your situation when the time comes. I wish you the best of luck!

Tara