Teachers

teachertracys

hi everyone-
i have been reading the posts and am about 2 months into the process. i am 39 and a teacher. it seems like there are alot of us on here and with that time right around the corner, back to school, i am wondering how some of you are handling that? do colleagues/ admin know? if people ask, what are you going to tell parents/ kids? this is a biggie for me. not sure i am strong enough to handle the "opinions". some people have told me "fib" and say i am with someone, but then that brings up the whole not being married thing with a kid. i know it shouldn't matter, but it does. i also realize that this is no one's business. we had an incident years ago, a teacher got pregnant with her boyfriend (now husband) and parents were not happy. one pulled her kid out of her class. like i said this was years ago so maybe i am not giving people enough credit and may be worrying for no reason. what do you think?

tnc

I have the same worries and fears. I have a very conservative principal and do not feel that I can talk to him about any of this. My co-workers are the first ones to talk to me about doing AI because of the two failed adoption attempts. They are the ones who continue to ask me if I am going to try to have a baby on my own. They do not know I have gone to the doctor and will be beginning the process. I don't want to say anything until I know I am pregnant. No sense dealing with people's gossip and negative talk, when I do not have to. That just seems to be adding another layer of stress on to this situation.
I have no idea how parents or students will handle it. I have thought about putting a ring on my finger just to let students think that I am married, so as not to create a backlash on the area of morality. One parent was upset last year that I was trying to adopt and complained. I was called into the office and "talked to" and told that the students should not know anything about my private life.
I wish you lots of luck in deciding how you want to handle the situation. I am still praying for guidance and trying very hard to focus on the positive and visualizing becoming pregnant.

KarenR

Ladies, I have to weigh in.
What we are doing is a beautiful, empowered thing. It is also our LEGAL right. A right that women fought long and hard for.

I personally am not telling my staff while trying to conceive, for the same reason a married person would not tell. Until I am 3 months along, it is private. (In case of miscarriage)

Once I am 3 months along, I will be proud to announce how I got pregnant. Parent gossip is usually short-lived...and so what!! If they want out of your class, let them go! So many parents are going to be happy for you. And once your baby is born, they will line up to hold it!

I LOVED when my teachers talked about their personal lives. It made me relate to them.

Parents who like to complain, will find something to complain about. If you work in public school, your principal CANNOT fire you - it is illegal. If he gives you problems, bring your union rep with you to every meeting and have him/her take notes.

abbyjenna

I've been wondering the same thing. I teach 4th grade and am getting ready to start this process. I have no idea how I'm going to handle it with my students. My plan was to talk to my principal first and get her opinion. The kids I teach are very familiar with single parents, but in their cases it's usually due to divorce or death (or sometimes jail). They do like to ask questions, though, and I try to answer truthfully. I firmly believe in letting my students into my personal life (within reason). It's the only way to gain their trust and build relationships with them.

nbound72

I teach 4th grade too. I've missed the 1st 2 days back at school and will have to miss Thurs too. IVF dictates the days you go in. I explained to my principal that I was going through some fertility issues and needing a surgical procedure. That's all I said. Look, if you needed to go to the doctor for another reason you wouldn't think twice about taking the time off. It's the same thing. When I become pregnant I will be honest with my students without getting too personal. I will probably say, "the father of my child/children is a wonderful person who gave me the greatest gift." That's all. No one needs to know more unless you are comfortable with it. People get divorced and are then single parents. What's the difference?
It's an exciting time and as long as we are happy with our decisions then that's all that matters.

teachertracys

i teach 4th too- yay for 4th grade!:)

abbyjenna

Where do you guys teach and when do you go back? I'm in Delaware. We went back yesterday, and kids come on Monday. Where did the summer go??

nbound72

I teach in South Florida. Kids first day was yesterday. My first day will be tomorrow then off again Thurs for embryo transfer. My doctor told me 8 eggs were fertilized. WOW!!

abbyjenna

Wow nbound72! 8! Good luck both tomorrow and Thursday! Baby dust and all that!

wannabmommy

Teachertracys, I have given a lot of thought to what I will say, when the time comes. It will be obvious at some point that I am prenant, and if people ask about the father, and its someone im comfortable with, I am planning on telling them that "I couldnt find someone that I felt I wanted to be the father of my child, so, I made the decision to find someone who met all the criteria I had set." And, really, just tell them that it was your decision and they dont get to volunteer their opinion. If you want it you will ask for it. Good luck....

wannabmommy

tnc

Congratulations nbound72. That is very exciting. I will keep you in my prayers tomorrow. Sending you lots of baby dust and a
hug.

Thank you guys for all of your advice. I feel more comfortable about my choice when I read your comments and strength. I know that when the time comes God will give me the words and the strength to celebrate and enjoy my pregnancy. I thank God for all of you. Baby dust to all of you.

nbound72

3 embryos transferred this morning. They gave me a picture of them. So cool. Now the tww begins.

nowords

I've been contemplating IUI also, but have not made up my mind yet. But being in the school system, i've wondered what to say when asked about the paternity of my child, as well as being a single mom. I've thought about putting a ring on too, but with that comes more lies. Don't think i can go it that way. The truth might be difficult to tell at first, and it may cause us scrutiny also, however it seems more easy to tell. Other than that, its really no one else business but our own. However, if putting a ring on, or telling a fib makes it easier, then do what u have to.
Telling others may be one thing, but have u guys ever contemplated what u tell the child as he/she gets older and inquire about dad and that side of his family that he may never know? Are there any research that u can refer me to, that focuses on children with donor births? I would love some insight in this area.

SAMac

I am a teacher too....I did tell my principal and assistant principal and in telling them (in case I needed to take days off), I found out that they (both men)had or are going through the same thing. So they were very understanding and supportive (even if they weren't it wouldn't matter to me). I'm an open book and I figure if you don't like what I am doing, then you don't have to be around me. My students don't know of course. But in talking with a couple other people at my school site I have found out that I am definitely not alone and infertility issues are quite common.

Best of luck to all of you!

staerae

i feel that it is neither the parents, your students, and possibly even your principal's business about your choices for creating a family. I know that teachers are held in high esteem and are practically expected to be nuns. What if you were in a relationship and the father wasnt involved? What if you were lesbian? Why would you have to explain your reasons to anyone other than your child? This whole fertility "issue" is stressful enough without people weighing in with their negativity. Sometimes, "its none of your business" is a sufficient response to nosey people. When I am absent for doc appts., etc. i tell my principal it is for personal reasons.I can't figure out what im going to tell my own child just yet...other people are that important

staerae

i mean other people "arent" that important

Msteere1

Hi Guys!
I am in a similar situation but not in the public school setting. I work as a preschool teacher in a church day school, while I am not religious mmost of the families that attend are. While I am in the process the only person to know what is happening is my boss, so I can take off the days I need. But, when I am pregnant and when the baby starts coming to daycare with me, what am I going to tell parents? I live and work in this town, and most parents live here as well so they all know I am single, even though they shouldn't care they may and that makes me nervous. I wander every day how I will answer the questions, but I think it's just going to happen at that moment, nothing will prepare me for what will happen, I won't know what will happen until it does.

poppyqueen

I teach at a public school in PA and my question is: Can you be fired for being an unwed, pregnant teacher? I'm a member of the union, but I'm completely freaked out that I could be fired.

kaylababy

You can absolutely, positively NOT be fired!!!! You have not done anything illegal or immoral.

eeh876

I agree with kaylababy, poppyqueen. Many teachers on this board have had babies, and in fact, most report that their principals/ colleagues have been very supportive.

Six years ago my BTSA support provider went this route, and there were no issues for her whatsoever.

poppyqueen

We have an "immorality" clause that says that you can be terminated for anything immoral. If I don't want to be forthcoming and announce to everyone that it was from a donor sperm, then would they assume that it was a one-night-stand? It's not that I'm ashamed of using donor, it's just that my school is a COMPLETE rumor mill, and I don't want to get caught up in it.

kaylababy

Ugh! So frustrating. I understand not being ashamed of using a donor, you just don't want everyone all up in your business. Who decides that being an unwed mother is immoral? Do they have a list of immoral acts listed in your contract? Would you have to tell the principal or the district? If you tell someone in the district are they even allowed to disclose your personal health/medical information to anyone at your school? It just doesn't seem right. Do you teach in a small rural district? It just sound crazy!

poppyqueen

Yes, actually, I teach in a LARGE rural district, and sometimes it seems so conservative there. I figured that I would first tell my union president, then I would have to tell the principal. She is that one that I'm worried about. I would also have to apply for time off two months before birth, as per our contract. No, there is no mention of unwed mothers, and nothing is listed in our contract. New teachers are given a handout when they go through the introductory training, ten reasons you can be terminated. Things like being charge of a felony are on there, and there is the vague term, "immorality".

I'm curious as to what the law is....would it be federal or vary from state-to-state? Wouldn't it be considered discrimination? Especially considering that one of the principals in the district is an unmarried father with a child?

kaylababy

I really don't believe what you are doing is immoral. That's crazy!! Why does the principal need to know the means by which you are having a baby? I'm sorry. I teach in a LARGE urban district and what you are describing sounds completely ridiculous. I would check with the union to make sure the district doesn't consider it immoral. I'd just ask if being an unwed mother is immoral, not necessarily how I was going about it. Especially if there is a unwed male principal with a child. Good luck!

poppyqueen

Thanks for the advice! I'm glad to know that it seems ridiculous to others, because I'm pretty frustrated as well. I will talk to the union rep in a few weeks. Fingers crossed!

KarenR

It would be against the law to be fired for being pregnant, single or not.