Curious.... What "story" did tell your fam and friends about baby's father?

ShanietteShaniette Posts: 6
in Single Mothers by Choice
I am an extremely private person who had completed one cycle of IVF, up to egg retrieval, but no egg transfer yet. I am hoping for a BFP.

In the meantime, I am curious... what story did you tell your family about the absence of a father?

Was it:

* truth
* one night stand
* former boyfriend
* nothing
* short term relationship
* other

Thank you for your insight!

Shani-Ette

Comments

  • Lizzie77800Lizzie77800 Posts: 6
    Why on earthy would you not tell the truth?

    Even if you were looking to lie and maximize legitimacy and "moralness" of the child - sperm donor still seems like the way to go.

    Long ago I just started telling the truth 99 percent of the time. Life gets easier and you realize that there was no reason to lie about stupid shit in the first place.
  • tffotffo Posts: 94
    Well, my mom was with me every step of the way, so she knew already. I told other close family who knew I was trying the truth. No one else has asked. Seriously, even when it's clear I am a single mom, (like when I announced my pregnancy) no one has asked about the father. I think you'll find most people are pretty polite. Although it helps that I'm older, 41, at the time, and I think people just get over some of that as they get older. In general I am a private person, but I have no problem telling the truth about this. If anything, I worry more that people will think I was irresponsible and my son was a "mistake". As he gets older, I'm sure some things may change, because it's his story too, but I will raise him not to be ashamed or embarrassed about the fact that he is donor conceived.
  • Bali2016Bali2016 Posts: 12
    I agree with tuff. I was a little concerned to be honest but the truth just came right out and no one has had a look of shock or WTF? :-) Funny enough I though some of the "conservative" friends and family would be a challenge but they were insanely welcoming and supportive. Again I'm 40 also so maybe it's that at this age you really end up not caring too much what others think. :-)
  • CharmedCharmed Posts: 1
    I'm not telling anyone anything until I'm more than 6 months pregnant. My family is very conservative. Once this baby is viable, there's no turning back. If I lose it and my family knows, they would try to convince me not to try again. Since I live several states away, it will be easy to not say anything until the 3rd trimester.
  • Kween7777Kween7777 Posts: 3
    I too was slightly worried about what people might think but funny enough, not a lot of people asked. Close friends and family member were in the know and very supportive and the VERY few people who asked, phrased their question is such a way that I could be very vague with my answer. It helps that they had twins to focus on instead ;)
  • Facing my fears Facing my fears Posts: 2
    I have been very open an honest through my whole journey (5 miscarriages, divorce, and donor as a single mom). I find that my friends and family are rooting for me all the time. However, I also take a little bit of a comedic route to set the mood. My Dr. and nurse are both female, so I say something like, "I got knocked up by two women, it was a great time!" It changes every time, but if people see that you are not afraid of it, it sets the tone for their reactions.

    Curious to know if you got the bfp you were looking for.
  • Scheherazade Scheherazade Posts: 2
    I am beginning my journey as a single mother (age 37) via IUI...

    I think it's extremely important to tell the truth. Just like a few members mentioned, I think it's a great idea to put some humor into the subject.

    I also agree with other members that as you get older, you don't really care what others think about you as much, and you find that most people are very supportive.

    Good luck!
  • bkbabybkbaby Posts: 8

    I worried about how/what to tell people and honestly all that worry was for nothing. I told people I'm close to the truth and no one else asked! Everyone has been really positive and happy for me when I say I'm pregnant and "I'm doing it on my own." I've only received one weird comment, but it was more confusion than negative, and I just brushed it off.

  • S14760sS14760s Posts: 42

    My mother and my close friends know of my journey. Ine of my brothers know. I havent figured out what i will say to the rest od the family. I know theyll ask. I plan to simple make it clear that i do not want to discuss it at this time and move on .

  • B@ChicagoB@Chicago Posts: 2

    I love the phrase "Im doing it on my own" as well. Bottom line... after you get pregnant and get far enough along, which is a feat in itself, what people think will mean much less to you. My situation turned out to be so positive and people I didn't even know that well wanted to be very involved and provide support. Its funny how inspiring this has been for others. Also, I didn't offer the donor information to everyone....my rule is if I was asked in a respectable way I would tell anyone that asked my story. Turned out to be a good rule and helped create really positive dialog.

  • Cyprus2040Cyprus2040 Posts: 1

    I heard a single mom respond well to the question: "who/where is the father?" And her answer was "there is no father," which is true because he abandoned her when she became pregnant. I thought that was a good response for any single mom. It shuts people down from prying further.

  • SoftAnchorSoftAnchor Posts: 2

    I haven't gone through with it yet but I've already told my mother that I was considering it. I just told her the truth and she seemed more than okay with it. I think the overwhelming response is... the truth. Deciding to be a mother on your own by choice is nothing to be ashamed of.

  • Bezel BBezel B Posts: 4

    All my friends, family, even work colleagues were told the truth from the get go. You’d be surprised how universally supportive people are when a baby is involved. Even my old conservatives aunties were high-fiving me for taking my fate in my own hands. My son is the best thing ever and I wouldn’t change anything.

  • PinkedPinked Posts: 4

    thank you all for you advice, I still not sure what I will say, but I know in time I will be okay with my answer.

  • orchid123orchid123 Posts: 7

    Just my sister and now my parents know, it's really nobodies business if you don't want anyone knowing then don't tell anyone.

    I chose to keep private and people at work are real nosy and are trying to find ways to get information out of me. I told them I had a boyfriend and they want details and pictures of the dad and for me to talk about my weekend\night with him but I keep my mouth shut and continue to do so. It's annoying. So now that they haven't heard me talk about him they asked me if he is in jail. They are my co workers not my best friend. I can't believe they would ask me such a thing. If I choose to keep private they should respect that.

    My kids will know that they were very much wanted and are loved.

  • OurAdventureOurAdventure Posts: 97

    A podcast I listen to, If These Ovaries Could Talk, did an episode this week with a SMBC who talks about the experiences she's had and the questions her son's asked about his "Dad", it may be of help to you!
    She also talks about what info she does and doesn't give about the donor. https://www.ovariestalk.com/ the episode is called "Why don't I have a dad?"

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